


Ikigai - 生き甲斐  (A Reason For Being)

by Benten



Series: A Genius' Journey [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aliens, Betrayal, College, Coming of Age, First Dates, First Time, Freeform, Gay Sex, Japanese Culture, Living abroad, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Multi, New York City, Olympics, Pining, Post-Betrayal, Post-Canon, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sports, Tokyo (City), USA Campus, Volleyball, Young Love, national team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-26 17:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12562980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benten/pseuds/Benten
Summary: Know Your Destiny, says the wise. Make Your Destiny, says the strong.Third installment of my story centered around Kageyama's journey towards unbound greatness.A College themed universe (whereItachiyama College is molded after KEIO University in Tokyo, NB) in which we can find all of the characters we have loved in Furudate's canon work.To become great requests a lot of sweat, a lot of guts, and sometimes, a lot of tears.Enjoy the fuss and have fun :)





	1. Antifact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"Any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries."**
> 
> \---
> 
> The **six degrees of separation theory** was first proposed in 1929 by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy in a short story called "Chains." In the 1950s, Ithiel de Sola Pool (MIT) and Manfred Kochen (IBM) set out to prove the theory mathematically.

The sun was the brightest, up high in a clear sky.  
The red building was easy to see from their apartment, and he was happy he had been able to skip classes for one more day. To be forced to skip training was instead the greatest bummer, especially considering his two roommates would be eager to detail what he had missed carefully.

Well, at least one of them.

Kageyama took a look at his bandaged ankle.  
Stupid ankle.  
Stupid jump.  
He shouldn't have had to attempt that insane jump.  
He didn't need to jump that high to be efficacious.  
He wasn't Hinata.  
He had power in his spike.  
He had weight to convey into that ball.

“Tobio kun… we’re going…”

“Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Wrong. You must've said something like _is there anything WE can do to help you?_ That would be correct. You’re such an ass, Kyoomi.”

“Shut up. Plague.”

Kageyama tilted his head a little to catch the concerned expressions of his two roommates. Roommates who had shared that apartment already for a year before he had joined them, but who didn't seem to understand how to interact without bickering constantly.  
Kageyama thought they were similar to what he and Hinata had been.

“Thank you, Sakusa San, Miya San…I am okay…”

“For the love of God, Tobio… drop the surnames and the honors already, won't you? You make me feel like I am your grandpa or something… please?”

Kageyama flinched.  
He had a hard time adjusting to the fact he could have treated his fellow College attendees with more familiarity. 

“For once Atsumu is right, Tobio. I’d like it too… if _you_ would call me just Kyoomi….”

“See?”

“… as much as I’d like the plague here aside to never call me altogether in any form… but that's asking too much I know. Ah… why Motoya has chosen Pharmacy and is not here in our Campus?”

Kageyama chuckled a little.  
To witness the way the Mighty Sakusa Kyoomi was just unable to deal with somebody as pyrotechnic as Miya Atsumu was always making his mood lighter.  
Not for he had any intentions to mock his senpai's weakness, but merely because he thought the flustered and funny annoyed version of the ace spiker was adorable to see.

“I have heard he will stop by our library tomorrow though…”

“Nah… he just comes to see you, Tobio kun. Yesterday he said he feels guilty for having caused you your injury.”

“But he hasn't? It was just my own fault?”

“Correct! It was your fault for being too much of a show off! But you know how Motoya really has this fixation on you…”

Sakusa kicked Atsumu's butt and the other screamed.

“Shut up. And let's go, we’re late. Tobio…”

“Yes, Sakus… I mean, Kyoomi San?”

Atsumu slapped his own face in despair.

“Text me for anything you may need. We’ll see you at dinner. Take care ok?”

“Awww… you’re never this considerate of me, Kyoomi. But then, I don’t have Tobio's beautiful face and cheeks to suggest you extra care, I get it…”

And to avoid Sakusa's second kick at his provocation, Atsumu flew off the apartment while cheering Kageyama on his way out.

Once he was left alone, Kageyama closed his eyes, only to be met by the vivid memory of his last day in Miyagi, at the end of the Obon.

Everyone but Tsukishima had gathered to kiss him goodbye.

Hinata, Yachi and Yamaguchi had said to him how Tsukishima couldn't come due to his preparation for Osaka’s transfer.

He had known all the way through that was a lie, but never hinted at it.

_”So you guys will all study in Kyoto instead?”_

_”Yep. We're finally becoming rivals, Kageyama kun.”_

_”Be ready, dumbass. I won't spare you a thing…”_

_”You better, Genius, or I won't ever forgive you.”_

Kageyama snapped out of his remembrance before his eyes could water.  
That had been a very emotional day for him.  
It hadn't been easy to part ways with his teammates.  
And this even though he couldn't even face the person whom he would have had the most difficulty in separating from.  
But yeah, that day had been very emotional.  
Very.  
He was looking forward to battle against Hinata, though. He was excited at every new task that year was about to confront him with.  
He also had gotten a Major subject to master for his College Course and he was quite proud that when he had confessed he had been admitted at the Letters Faculty in order to attend Phylosophy and Ethics people all had their jaws dropping at the news.  
Even Oikawa San had been surprised he had managed to get into a graduated Course of such relevancy.  
Only one person he would have cared to know the opinion of hadn't talked with him on the matter.  
He moved to his desk, and checked his emails.

_Nothing._

He roamed into his backpack and took his phone off. Maybe in one of those abstruse social profiles he would have found if…

_Nothing._

He had expected it.  
But it still hurt somehow.

Still, the Sun shone.  
Tokyo was alive.  
And he was happy to start it all over.

Destination: Olympics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Itachiyama College is moduled after KEIO University in Tokyo** Note how every logistic notation in the fiction will follow this fact.


	2. Aliens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The problem or aim of philosophy is often represented as the ascertainment of the essence of things: a phrase which only means that things, instead of being left in their immediacy, must be shown to be mediated by, or based upon, something else.  
> The immediate Being of things is thus conceived under the image of a rind or curtain behind which the Essence is hidden.  
> Everything, it is said, has an Essence; that is, things really are not what they immediately show themselves.  
> There is something more to be done than merely rove from one quality to another, and merely to advance from qualitative to quantitative, and vice versa: there is a permanence in things, and that permanence is in the first instance their Essence.”
> 
>  
> 
> **G.W. Friedrich HEGEL**

The area around the gymnasium was quiet and silent.  
A calm and lazy wind kept shuffling around, restoring from efforts and studies the busy souls wandering nearby.  
The majority of the campus students was already gathering elsewhere, where preparations for the incoming Fest were in full swing, and one could hear coming from every side around the building screams and call outs for different purposes than the ones the gymnasium would typically host, but still faded enough to not catch fully attentions of anybody they’d like to.  
Sat under still green trees, a group of students dressed in sporty attire was drinking from big bottles rehydrating solutions after what looked like a practice session. The jersey colors they were sporting weren't matching uniforms. Some of them surely belonged to Itachiyama College but backside some others one could easily read Tokyo University, and spot the Todai icon.

The group of fellas was speaking in even and low voices, probably tired after the training.

“Are you sure you can afford a normal game in its entirety already, Tobio chan?”

Oikawa's words seemed devoid of second and sinister motives, but the Itachiyama trio who was compact guarding a sat down Kageyama glared menacingly at Todai setter like he was trying to break in pieces a precious Ming Era jar.

“Yes, Oikawa San. Today I didn't force anything, but my little injury has fully healed. Thank you for caring.”

From behind Kageyama's back, Miya Atsumu and Komori Motoya launched incinerating glances at Oikawa. Oikawa took them in like signs of consideration, and grinned proudly.  
Sakusa couldn't even fake he was interested in what had been said; because as long as Kageyama had expressed his will to play as usual, not even their coach could have avoided to let them two play as usual. And that was all Sakusa wanted to do, every day.  
Playing along his setter.  
As much as possible.  
Actually if his body had allowed it, even past that limit.  
But his body had to bend at his mental ghosts quite often, and that was starting to bug him the wrong way now that Kageyama had enrolled in.

“Okay. But I have to warn your inexperienced ass, guys. Wasada team doesn't play fool, and you need to be at your best to have a chance against them. Am I right, Toshi?”

At that, even Sakusa had to turn his eyes and look at Oikawa, whose grin enlarged.

“Toshi?”

“I told you to stop calling me that way. It makes you sound dumb, Oikawa.” Ushijima’s voice had such a rich and deep tone to itself people would immediately grow wary of it, taking it as a sign of extremely asserting masculinity and register the possessor of such a voice as meaning trouble. Unfortunately, Oikawa wasn't the type to submit that easily to generalizations. “I despise people twisting either my name or surname without my permission. It’s rude and it is something a child would do, not a grown up man.”

Everyone but Kageyama nodded.

“Always a mood breaker, aren't you Ushiwaka chan? Toshi sounds so cute. Whatever…”

Ushijima put his bottle on ground, and taking off his knee pads he added that Oikawa was right in his concern ultimately, warning as well the Itachiyama guys at not taking their incoming sparring game lightly.

Wasada University was Itachiyama and Todai’s rival institution at everything students were involved with. Sports and Academics, it was one giant battlefield.  
Traditionally, Todai and Itachiyama would often team together for sport training camps in hope to create a coalition of intents and techniques good enough to silence Wasada’s ever growing attitude, although there was still a healthy rivalry even between the two of them, while Wasada would seldom team up with Chou University instead.

“Last time we won, didn't we? I can hardly see us losing now that Tobio is finally here as well.”

Sakusa's face couldn't appear any more stoic and self-assured.

“Kyoomi, I see your point, but you don't know about their new recruits, do you?”

Ushijima sounded impressed therefore his words were double impressive for Itachiyama guys to be heard, as rarely Ushijima would spend appreciative notes on people, and even fewer would be the times when his voice could sound seriously concerned, as it was in that moment. Oikawa had fallen silent and that had made Kageyama especially attentive at what was being discussed, too.

“I don't, no. What about them?”

“Wasada has a new coach and a couple of Brazilian guys who have gotten permission to play with them. They are nothing like last semester.”

Sakusa's face didn't flip a muscle.

“But neither are we, Ushijima. Trust me.”

Atsumu had spoken like from his unusually calm phrasing one could sense trouble impending onto the world. Both Sakusa and Komori thinly smiled.

“You know, Wakatoshi… we have a special scheme to try now that Tobio is part of the team. And like Atsumu said, trust us, whatever rabbit Wasada can take off of their hat we don't care…”

“… cos out of ours we’re unleashing a dragon.” Concluded with the most satisfied smirk both Atsumu and Komori.

Oikawa and Ushijima sighed.  
Those four brats were insufferable already all together, and if even a person as calm and nice as Komori Motoya could wear a smug grin, just because of something Itachiyama team was capable of putting on court thanx to its newer member, maybe it was time to start to think seriously how to counterattack at them, instead than giving them good tips against rivals.

“Alright. Then let's hope Tobio chan can avoid to injury himself again and see how Wasada will get shut once more. Now… where can we go eating something? These practices here can take a toll on my body balance if I don't reinstate calories soon enough. Your team style is quite rough, you know? My extremely fine muscular structure risks to be affected if I don't eat properly after unreasonable physical efforts…”

And saying that, with his usually theatrical gestures, Oikawa had fluttered eyelashes and adjusted his hair, and gotten back to look exactly like a model after a sporty photo shot. Atsumu couldn't stand the way his skin would lose the heat of efforts that easily, and start glowing instead than looking deprived and wounded.

“There is our place we can go at Oikawa S-!”

“Tobio!!!”

Motoya and Atsumu had screamed at once, causing Kageyama to stop before finishing his sentence. They were looking at him like he had just revealed to the Grim Reaper the map to Wonderland.

“What? What have I done?”

Atsumu didn't want to explain what had prompted their shut down, but at the same time he was hating the way Kageyama couldn't avoid to show how much he cared about his former senpai’s wish at any given moment so he also wanted said senpai to realize how many things the setter had in common with his college mates, which the foreign one could never be a daily part of, being a student of another institution.

“Tobio kun… I am sure Oikawa's refined tastes could never appreciate the simplicity of our secret place… am I right, Motoya?”

Motoya nodded. Then briefly looked at Sakusa, whose expression was still as Sphinx like as usual, and then back at Oikawa he said he was also believing the little cafeteria they used to hang at each day would feel cramped and banal to him.  
Oikawa took his chance like he could jump over a running train carelessly:

“Awww how darling you all are? Sure I have a knack for elegance and class but this doesn't mean I would overlook any of you, or any of your usual choices and preferences? Especially when my beloved kouhai's wish is to show me something?”

Every single one of the people around him turned heads at Oikawa. Everyone but Kageyama, who was already constantly looking at him, in awe of being allowed to spend practice times with the person he was still considering someone to look at, despite having already surpassed him at everything, and also in awe of being allowed to pick a place up where they all could gather and relax.

“Cut. It. Out. Like you ever cared…” 

Atsumu would often say things such as these anytime Oikawa would bolster himself up about his senpai role to Kageyama. He had notions he had never been much of a good one to him. Even if Kageyama had never had anything but good things to say about the matter, whenever questioned, Atsumu had never believed fully his words, so he could get majorly irritated by what he was considering a constant sham of good intentions by Oikawa.

“Tsk tsk… You are always so negative towards me, Atsumu. Which is a shame, because I really find you funny and interesting, and for sure, I would never do Tobio chan here any harm. Everyone but you knows this is the truth…”

At that point, Kageyama stood up from his sitting position he had never changed from the start, and looking first at Atsumu, then at Oikawa, he simply asked the two to stop behaving like kindergarten kids and put him in the middle of their absurd popularity fights.

“I feel the best when we are training all together, because I feel we are all the same, and we all love the game… and we get it the same and we get each other quite well, too. So… I always feel like we are wasting time and good vibes we could have together when you two start your tiny wars. What for? I can't stand two senpais of mine not getting along, in my presence, at least. So please…. Can we all go at our cafeteria and just enjoy a meal after such a great practice?”

Oikawa glanced at Atsumu, and the two nodded first to one another, then they both nodded to Kageyama.

“But I’ll sit by your side, Tobio kun… ok?”

Kageyama thought for a moment, then asked Sakusa if he could take his usual seat instead at the table they were always reserving for themselves in the cafeteria. Sakusa agreed.

“But he sits at the head!” screamed Atsumu.

“Exactly. So you and Oikawa San can both sit by my sides.”

Atsumu snorted.

“Very Solomonic of you, Kageyama kun.”

“Thank you, Ushijima San.”

And the group, finally setting their divergences, moved swiftly to the small cafeteria which was a safe corner for the Itachiyama guys to spend time at in plain liberty and tranquillity.  
The whole staff had them reckoned and cared for, and as soon as Ushijima and Oikawa stepped in, they realized that kind of treatment had essentially to do with Sakusa's presence.  
That was a common occurrence anytime the young man would choose to pick up services at any facility Itachiyama would offer to students.  
After having ordered their meals, the guys started to chat like it were common for all of them to spend time together beside their sport load of it. That was inclusive for Oikawa and Ushijima as well, despite the latter being as his usual mostly silent.

“Have you heard? They are going to try Terraforming on Mars.”

The television which was above Ushijima had started to give report about Nasa latest mission which had been set up. Oikawa's eyes had ignited as soon as he had heard the word Nasa.

“Terraforming? You mean that thing which aims at making Mars convenient for inhabiting by making it a bit like this planet?” Allegedly, Atsumu was a space nerd as well.

“Yup. And this confirms also this planet could have been shaped by aliens to gather characteristics apt to develop intelligent life.”

“Excuse me? What is this nonsense?” Sakusa didn't share the same interests, it was clear by his disgusted face. At that, Ushijima had to intervene.

“Oikawa is very much interested in aliens, and all that relates to space exploration and life. Please Kyoomi don't ask a thing, or this can last hours…”

“It won't last hours, ok? This is science. We are in 2019 and finally my theories are supported by scientific evidences. Have you ever asked yourself how they can't find the missing step between Sapiens and Neanderthal? It's because there's none. Aliens came and took the most developed primate to mix with them. We are a product of that mix.”

Oikawa had started to speak like the very existence of aliens was already a news for the masses, but not all his listeners were of a neutral or accepting position about it.

“You can't really believe that?”

“Why not, Kyoomi San? We are stars children. All of us. I hope to live enough to see this all revealed and proved beyond any doubt.”

Sakusa calmly stated history hadn't any evidence of alien civilizations coming to the Earth.

“But it has? There are inscriptions and unexplained facts which scream about aliens having been here all over the world?”

“Those are unexplained fantasies, not facts. Until something factual is found or it happens, all you are stating right now is a pure fantasy.”

Oikawa shrugged, and with a calm face, and his million dollar smile, closing eyes like a consummated actor he replied:

“Believe your partial facts then, Sakusa. What I do know is that I can't belong to chimps inheritance. My beauty has to be outer worldly after all…”

Motoya laughed the lightest he could, launching from the side of Sakusa, who was sitting opposite Kageyama, a glance to the raven haired setter: it seemed like he was absent, even though he was looking at both Sakusa and Oikawa speaking to one another.

“But…correct me if I am wrong…”

“And you are gonna be, Atsumu…”

“If we are a product of Neanderthal plus space races… and we are like this, fair and hairless but pretty similar to monkeys… it probably means that the alien races are all like… taller than us humans… and way fairer, and that we took all that makes us better than chimps from them right…right?”

At the mention of the words ‘taller’ and ‘fairer’ Oikawa instantly sulked.  
Atsumu had a point. Since humans were still better, but undeniably similar to Neanderthal people and chimps… the part giving them the best and most beautiful traits had to be the alien one. Therefore the aliens had to be way better than human beings?  
It sounded pretty logic.  
And disheartening a whole lot.  
Oikawa for a while remained silent and in shock.  
Atsumu felt very proud of himself for accomplishing such a checkmating on him.

“But… whatever the truth may be…”

All had to turn at Kageyama who had snapped from his silence everybody thought was one of his moments of shutting himself down from his surroundings, in which he probably could only think of food:

“… our life here and now… our life here as it is… it's not like it changes, wether we come from Planet Earth or a far away star out in space, right? I mean… the essence of our living as it is it just stays, don't you think?”

Sakusa smiled.  
Kageyama really had Philosophy in himself. Maybe that time he hadn't been silent because of food craving. Maybe that strange brain of his was thinking of Maximum Systems instead.

“I guess so. I guess we are still exactly us anyway, Tobio.”

“Good.” Kageyama was almost smiling. Everyone focused on that moment in hope he would, but he didn't and just went on talking: “Because I would still love to play with you guys, even if I were to discover you have part of a demon in you. I would still think even demons and aliens are good, because you are. Like that, I really don't mind if we are part monkeys, or aliens, or whatever else. I only care that I can be here with you all.”

For a few seconds, nobody spoke.  
Only Oikawa had the exact measure of the changes his kouhai had made from being always silent because uninterested in social exchange till the point he could speak, like then, so easily about being grateful in having people around him.

“Well, regarding that… do you know that next volleyball magazine speaks a bit of us all do you?”

Ushijima said in his typically baritonal voice, to break both the peculiar silence and also the stare Oikawa was pointing at Kageyama, reclaiming attention to himself.

“Yes we do, Ushiwaka chan…”

“Well I happen to know some editor there…”

“And that is why you were always mentioned in it even in high school right?”

Pointed out a still sulking Oikawa. First, the doubt aliens could be way more handsome than he was, and now, the memory of his sad days as a no high school superstar in Volley Ball Magazine rankings.

“No. I was mentioned because they had to mention the best you know… anyway. We are called The Aliens in their article. Isn't it… funny?”

To have Ushijima attempting a joke or a remote relative of a joke had his company shook. The attempt wasn't good but everyone liked it because he had tried to make one.

“You are terrible at humor you know it right?”

Ushijima glared at Oikawa in a freezing way.  
But nothing happened out of it, which meant it was one of their usual way to behave with one another at that point.

“I may be, but still better as a pick for Volleyball Magazine than you. Now just like I were back then in high school.”

At that, genuinely, all of the Itachiyama boys laughed.  
Kageyama included, though his went more as a chuckling snort than an open laugh.

“You’re becoming meaner than Iwa chan. Know it. I hate you.”

Which was far from truth. Oikawa had started to really count on Ushijima already by the first semester of his first college year.

After the meals had been consumed, and Sakusa had made paying a formality on his account, which had quite offended both Ushijima and Oikawa before the others had explained to them his fathers’ orders would not allow any shop owned by Itachiyama to be paid by any other than Sakusa, the group went back to the gym to pack the remains of their sport bags.

“Are you guys sleeping here in the dorms these few days?”

Asked Motoya, seeing Ushijima and Oikawa were ready to move away in the Western Gate direction.

“Nope. My apartment ain't far away and neither Toshi’s…”

“Oikawa!”

“…I mean Ushiwaka’s one is. We will come back tomorrow morning very easily, like all other times…”

“So your apartment is near, Oikawa San?”

Kageyama asked with evident curiosity.

“Yup. I'd like to tell you to come and see it but you have already?”

At that even Sakusa hissed, and the other two aside him properly shouted. Then all them three looked at Kageyama with questioning glares. Kageyama didn't even realize any of their concerned faces.

“Wait… what?”

Kageyama looked like he was trying to remember an occasion which had never occurred, then he asked how, since he had not even cognition he lived round there.

“But you have seen it from our chats haven't you?”

“Oh well… does that count?”

It was cute to see Kageyama's face painted with a mixture of embarrassment and surprise, to change swiftly to fondness, certainly inspired by the memory of their chats in the past times.

“Sure, sure… now tell Atsumu here how we chat since a couple of years whenever you need _your senpai's_ invaluable advice…”

Kageyama promptly looked at Atsumu and without hesitating he repeated exactly what Oikawa had wished for. Even Motoya had to laugh at Atsumu's facial disconcerted offering.

“But I treasure everyone's here advice. I still can't believe I can play with you all. It's a dream come true.”

At the sudden notation Sakusa, Oikawa and Ushijima mellowed their expressions. Motoya squeezed Kageyama like a plushy toy and Miya looked at him like he was looking at somebody from another dimension. An alien indeed. A very beautiful alien unaware of humans’ pains.

 _“Tobio, stop making it so hard for me…_ ” he whispered to himself “ _… how am I supposed to exercise restraint if you speak like this, not only once, but twice or thrice today…”_

“There there, Tobio kun… don't be so adorable, or it will be uneasy for us to punish you when you keep avoiding to switch off your volleyball DVDs playing at night…”

Kageyama's cheeks reddened, and he lowered his head to hide it. His ears though reddened even more, so the effort ended up being useless.

“I promise it won't happen again, Miya San… I mean… Atsumu… San!”

Everybody laughed again.  
That guy could sound so mature yet so helplessly awkward in a span of seconds one could wish at once to punch or to kiss him on the top of his head, or to look up or out to him, just the same.  
But his eyes never lied.  
And his eyes had sparkled like a bunch of galaxies while looking at the people sat around him in that little cafeteria. The same they were sparkling in that moment as he was ready to part with Ushijima and Oikawa for the evening. He looked like a kid in a candy store. Content and full of hope of happiness ready to be found. Pure and clear like only kids who follow their dream can be.

“Nah Tobio chan, leave your DVDs on. It's good to watch them. I do it too after all.”

“Which is why you wear glasses right?”

“Glasses are classy, Atsumu. But one has to have a beautiful, perfect face like me to look great with them after all. You can't obviously get it, I see.”

While listening to Oikawa and Miya’s typical banter, Kageyama couldn't stop his mnemonic visions from reappearing before his own eyes, like an ocean wave hastly sucking him in and then taking him higher and higher.  
A sudden picture of a not so distant past flashed before his eyes, and he jolted a little bit, like he had felt abruptly chilling.

_Glasses… I love glasses…_

A tender smile then colored his lips; but it lasted too little to be registered by any of the people around him.

Yes, glasses could look perfect on some people's faces. And some people's faces could never be erased from memories, no matter how far away they could get, or how distant they wanted to keep somebody else's from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Wasada, Chou and Todai University** are some of the biggest Academic Institutions in Tokyo. As I wrote already, Itachiyama College is molded after Keio University, which is for real the competitor of Wasada one. As I like to be very precise in my set ups when I write, this kind of rivalry will constitute a big backbone of Ikigai story.
> 
>  **Terraforming** (literally, "Earth-shaping") of a planet, moon, or other body is the hypothetical process of deliberately modifying its atmosphere, temperature, surface topography or ecology to be similar to the environment of Earth to make it habitable by Earth-like life.  
>  It is both a scientific and a fictional branch of studies, and it is one of the ways NASA is planning to make Mars apt to living for human beings.  
> What Oikawa states in this chapter regarding it and his fancy theories about Planet Earth being Terraformed by aliens is based on a National Geographic series I very much loved a couple of years ago and which you can find here: https://blog.education.nationalgeographic.org/2017/06/22/mars-questions-weve-got-answers/
> 
>  **TIME SETTING OF MY FICTION UNIVERSE** as you can see here the Year Kageyama spends first at College is **2019**. I had to canon-diverge everything as Haikyuu technically sees the first years acting at the start of their school life in Karasuno in 2012. I have moved everything ahead to allow for instance music to be more contemporary already in Okurimono. Please consider that when you read my stories :)
> 
>  **Concepts of Demons and Spirits in Japanese Culture** Unlike Western Cultures, Japan places supernatural creatures in different spots than we are used to think in our Western Countries.  
>  **Yōkai (妖怪,** ghost, phantom, strange apparition) are a class of supernatural monsters, spirits and demons in Japanese folklore. The word yōkai is made up of the kanji for "bewitching; attractive; calamity"; and "spectre; apparition; mystery; suspicious". They can also be called ayakashi (あやかし), mononoke (物の怪), or mamono (魔物). Yōkai range diversely from the malevolent to the mischievous, but unlike in Western Cultures they can also be benevolent or occasionally bring good fortune to those who encounter them. Often they possess animal features (such as the kappa, which is similar to a turtle, or the tengu which has wings), other times they can appear mostly human, some look like inanimate objects and others have no discernible shape. Yōkai usually have spiritual or supernatural power, with shapeshifting being one of the most common. Yōkai that have the ability to shapeshift are called bakemono (化物) / obake (お化け).  
>  Japanese folklorists and historians use yōkai as "supernatural or unaccountable phenomena to their informants".  
> More similar to the Western depictions of devils and demons are **Oni (鬼)** , a kind of yōkai from Japanese folklore, variously translated as demons, devils, ogres, or trolls. They are popular characters in Japanese art, literature, and theatre.  
> Depictions of oni vary widely but usually portray them as hideous, gigantic ogre-like creatures with sharp claws, wild hair, and two long horns growing from their heads. They are humanoid for the most part, but occasionally, they are shown with unnatural features such as odd numbers of eyes or extra fingers and toes. Their skin may be any number of colors, but red and blue are particularly common.  
> They are often depicted wearing tiger-skin loincloths and carrying iron clubs called kanabō (金棒). This image leads to the expression "oni with an iron club" (鬼に金棒 oni-ni-kanabō), that is, to be invincible or undefeatable. It can also be used in the sense of "strong beyond strong", or having one's natural quality enhanced or supplemented by the use of some tool. In addition to this, it can mean to go overboard, or be unnecessarily strong or powerful.  
> Oni and Yokai have never, unlike in the Western Culture, an association with deadly sins: they are supernatural creatures but they are not generally aiming for the corruption of Human Beings and to their spiritual demise.


	3. An Enamored Entomologist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All our knowledge begins with the senses, proceeds then to the understanding, and ends with reason. There is nothing higher than reason.” 
> 
> **Immanuel Kant, _Critique of Pure Reason_**

_Today he must be nervous._   
_In need of unleashing some load he feels pressured from._   
_I started to notice this pattern of his already last year, but the more I get to see him day after day, the more his routines and habits solidify in their expectable factor._   
_Sometimes I feel like an entomologist watching him. I am taken away whenever I can predict something he will do by the experience of my observations of him._

Atsumu was writing frantically on his phone and his fingers were like the buzzing swarm of tens of bees coming and going from the most beautiful flowers in a garden.

“Have you finished cleaning up the guest bathroom?”

Sakusa was looking at him like it wasn't the first time he had asked that, a deep frown crossing his brows and his mask already up despite they were still in their apartment which was equipped with the best pollen and dust filters.

Atsumu grunted a yes and kept typing, pulling the screen nearer to himself for making impossible the sneaking at it.

“I will precede you two then. Tell Tobio we're meeting after at the gym and…”

Sakusa stopped his speech; at the length of his impromptu silence Atsumu raised his face up from his phone and asked if he had more for him to transfer to their roommate, but the curly haired guy denied it and left to his classes without a proper goodbye to the other.

_Sakusa feels there's something wrong with Tobio as well, but he either doesn't want me to know about it or, even better, he can't name what it could be._  
 _I can instead. Because I have collected way more infos than he seems to about him. Sorry Kyoomi… you won't ever win this._  
You won't ever win Tobio against me.

With a satisfied grin, Atsumu finished to type on his phone when, hearing thud sounds as their main bathroom emptied, he moved to the small kitchen area to customize their table for breakfast.

“Sakusa San has already gone out?”

“He has. Lucky you, or he would have scoffed at you for calling him by surname again…”

Kageyama tried to reply, but he didn't find how.

“I swear that I am trying… but it truly feels surreal to me to be allowed to call you guys by name…”

Miya chuckled. Kageyama felt even less capable at being easy going then, his eyes turning downward sketching and a faint idea of color pinking his cheeks momentarily.

“There there, Tobio… don't worry, it's going to come out easily in a while. Now sit down, and let's have breakfast ok?”

Kageyama sat down, and thanked Atsumu for his care.

“No need to. Samu and I used to have always breakfast together no matter what, so I like to have company here, and I am used to prepare everything by myself…” and while talking he swiftly put all down to their table to be consumed: smoked fish, miso, orange juice with vinegar, and those many other things a perfect Japanese breakfast shall offer “… so please be at ease and enjoy!”

Kageyama put his big open eyes on the food display with reverence, then looked at Atsumu, who was clearly pretty proud of himself, and thanking him with a warm tone he took his part of food with a celebratory formula, before starting to eat it.

“You are so formal…”

Still eating while talking, a thing he never had quit doing despite Hinata would constantly trolling him about that in high school, **NOTE 1** Kageyama answered he had spent years having breakfast mostly alone so to share the moment with other people had him very happy, and he had been taught to show in a proper way his gratefulness to others.  
Seeing as he was still talking while explaining that, his speech was incongruous: there was little formality in a guy mixing such activities in front of others, but Atsumu had an enamored look on his face observing how Kageyama's hair would swing weightless at his every bite on food, and how his long fingers would quickly move sticks to the common plate to secure him a fat portion of everything. Even when getting brutally ravenous, he was thinking, there was still an aura of elegance about the younger one which was having him mesmerized.

“So when you're happy you get formal?” Replied Atsumu, also while munching. He had the same bad habit of Kageyama, a thing his more refined twin had long mocked him for, too. **NOTE 2**

“Formalities comfort me. Social stuffs… I am mostly awkward with them, so to have roads traced by formal consuetudes is a safe space for me…”

Atsumu registered it all mentally.

“But then you use words as _consuetude_ effortlessly and you are very able to explain and to look at yourself with the sharpest honesty and capacity… your brain works awkwardly for sure, but you're not as naive as you claim yourself to be…”

“Do I?”

Atsumu smiled. A sincere, caring smile.

“Oh, yeah. You do. I like this about you the most. You are… how can I say… spiky and fluffy. All at once.”

“Ok. Thank… you, I guess? I don't really get myself as well as you think but… I also have not troubles with how I am, if I have to admit it. Everyone… can be just the way he is, at the end of the day.”

Indeed, Kageyama Tobio was pretty fine with his own self. Somebody still mostly awkward on the social front, but in his own way, he was still adorable to spend time with, and Miya couldn't avoid to confess his likings to him at any chance he would create to himself. To look at his reactions after his words would amuse him greatly. Kageyama would often stiffen, or blush, or there would be times where he would come out completely unnoticing the praise he would be object of, acting involuntarily funny at it.  
But there where patterns of him Atsumu had quickly learnt to be native to Kageyama, more than others.

_Tobio is innerly, naturally aggressive. More than I am. Often it’s clear he has energy outbursts he can't control, and that turns me on incredibly._

_He is an aggressive eater. He is also prone to potty mouthing, like a little child unfiltered. He tries to restrict himself there, probably out of consideration for us, but he really fails at it most than not, especially if he gets flustered or gives in to his natural impulsivity._

“Let's leave it all in the dishwasher and let's hurry… you have a class in less than 20 minutes and you still get lost in the Campus unless it's about locating the gym so I’ll take you there myself…”

“It’s not necessary Mi… I mean, Atsumu San… I can manage…”

Atsumu looked at him.  
Whenever Kageyama's lips would shape the letters of his name, his body would jack-jump innerly in delight.

“No you can't and that's why this senpai will bring you safely at the door of your class. Worry not, my own one starts 20 minutes after yours does so I'll be fine too. Is that what you are preoccupied about right?”

Kageyama would briefly rouge or stutter whenever people would decipher his caring actions. Atsumu found that side of his precious beyond words.

“Well…”

Kageyama's slightly crimson cheeks were a proof God was good. Atsumu had to turn towards the room exit to avoid to stare too intensely at them.

“Rush yourself please… we’ll meet Kyoomi and the rest later for practice…”

Kageyama tensed.  
Atsumu could sense it by his cut gulp even if he was facing on the other side.

“You still disappointed at the way we’ve played against Wasada last week, aren't ya?”

Answering immediately Kageyama made the point unmistakable, with that deep voice which never seemed to be used that way unless it was about volleyball:

“Yes.”

Atsumu sighed. They had won that game. They had played well. Kageyama in particular. But he knew what had him unsatisfied there. Their new combinations hadn't always worked as smoothly as they had in practices.

“You should stop blaming yourself for things we are all involved in. We are just getting into these new gears. Give yourself more time…”

“No. Time had been enough. I should have done better.”

Atsumu turned face to him. 

“Right. I can make fun of you now and tell you you sucked then, or I can be honest and say we all should have.”

In Kageyama's eyes the older saw how his words were falling short at convincing him things had not been unsatisfactory:

“Next time we will reach 80% success rate. So I need to train more.”

“You mean _we need_ to train more…”

Kageyama averted Atsumu's gaze for a second, then gave him his eyes back, confidently answering that was exactly what he was supposed to say in fact.  
Atsumu appreciated his effort in trying to reassure him everything was going to be taken lighter, even though he knew it was a mere dissimulation because it wasn't in Tobio's DNA to take anything related to volleyball in a light way.  
In that attitude they were actually the closest in their College team and also in the National one: two hot headed setters, only partially balanced by Oikawa's colder and more reasonable tendencies.

“Let's go… and please stop to look that sullen. You're getting wrinkles on your forehead before you are 25 otherwise…”

Then the two went out taking their bags, forgetting to make the dishwasher start.  
Sakusa would chastise them later about it.  
After the practice, leaving their electronic devices on the desk of management as it was common policy in their team, Motoya noticed that Kageyama's phone had kept buzzing with messages for a while.  
With the utmost natural voice, Kageyama stated that was his friend Alisa setting their next meeting for the incoming hours.  
Sakusa, Komori and Miya's faces went stony in a blink.  
Sakusa even waited in putting his mask back on his face quickly.

“You mean date, Tobio kun, right? Isn't this the same girl you used to go out with already when you were in Karasuno? That girl Tooru and I advised you to treat more like she wanted you to treat her last year?” **NOTE A**

While stuffing his bag, Kageyama nodded.

“But… ours is still a kind of friendship…”

Atsumu and Motoya looked at one another. Sakusa put finally his mask back on.

“Those have a name if any. Learn a bit, you inept kid… it's called friends with benefits, the thing you have…”

Kageyama shook his head.  
It was not that.  
It was also that, but… not only.  
It was complicated.  
It was pretty complicated a year still after he had given Alisa the luxury of thinking about him like he could be a sort of boyfriend to her.

“You’re wrong, Miya San. We are mostly friends. For real. She likes it more this way too… Believe me.”

Atsumu didn't dwell in it any further, much like he had avoided to inspect about their relationship the previous year, despite the chances offered by his constantly pleasing Fate at the need. Not considering the daily development a groundbreaking news, as Kageyama moved first out of the gym after practice, he started typing back on his phone, just to update his observations list.

_When Tobio gets nervous, his formalism comes back in full force, too. He will call me by surname not for putting distance between us, but to deal with his difficulty at naming situations. It happens when he has no time to find better words to explain himself, I think._   
_He is so cute._   
_I have to understand what place this Alisa holds in his life though. Apparently they have not progressed very much since last year, but she still annoyingly a part of his life and I don't really like it._

“Won't you follow him to stalk his date, Atsumu?”

Sakusa had come near to the setter, his voice flat and atonal.

“Do it yourself, Kyoomi. I bet Tobio would stop everything, even caught in the middle of kissing with that girl, if you would appear in front of him then with a ball in your hand…”

Sakusa didn't reply. His velvety eyes seeming to try to focus more ahead of themselves, his body on the other side, completely still, and his breathing inappreciable. Atsumu kept talking, assured the other would have listened to what he had to say.

“You’ve felt it yourself as well, the way he had been nervous these days… He needs to get his load off, and I don't need to stalk him to see how…”

Without moving any other muscle than his facial ones behind his mask, Sakusa added with the same grey voice of before that if such an activity could help their younger setter get back to his normal self, he would have tried to overlook the fact he found it gross to have to seek for somebody’s touch to feel better.  
Atsumu didn't laugh at that; he answered with the most serious attitude instead at Kyoomi’s reflection.

“You are aware this is what will forever separate you from him, right? How can you love if you don't want to touch?”

Sakusa's eyes suddenly focused away; a rapid wave of glinting light caressing his restricting pupils.

“It's none of your business the way I decide to love.”

And without temporizing Sakusa moved out and away from the other, taking his way at their dorm block.

“It's the very first time… he has used that word…”

Said Atsumu mumbling to himself, watching Sakusa's image motion away from him. He exhaled a sigh in the air, and ruffling his hair, he started to walk towards their place as well.

After changing clothes, having found no trace of Sakusa back in their apartment, Atsumu decided to wander in the library for a while. He wasn't interested in anything academic, he wanted merely to keep his mind occupied for the rest of the day.  
It was getting hard to wipe his obsessive tendencies away.  
He had been so mature in avoiding to chase after Tobio… at the moment, he had felt so proud of his decision to let him go freely and without checking on his plans…  
But looking at the books in front of him, undecided about which one to pick to fake he had come to the library for some type of uplifting purpose, he could physically feel he was starting to become numb by the second, and he had to force himself to come back to his own conscience.  
Shaking his head, he grabbed one casual book and without caring if it had to be signed from the library assistants he moved towards the rooms in the back hall.  
Those were the rooms students could book to not be disturbed in their study sessions, and they were generally closed.  
Atsumu had once discovered the way to decrypt their locking passwords by going out with a cute female librarian assistant during the previous semester, and he had saved for himself the chance of obtaining a free and private quiet space anytime he would need it behind her back.

“This one is the best… It has the bathroom in it too.”

His favorite room was one of the tiniest lot; a bow window overlooking a minuscule garden, a table fit for only four seats, and two bookshelves with philosophy and history books of the Western Countries adorned the space. A little further door had a simple toilet and a little sink in it, with a small mirror placed over.  
The locking system of the bathroom was defective and one of the only few people in the whole of the campus able to open and close it was exactly Atsumu.

“I’ll pass an hour reading about Hannibal and his elephants for the fourth time I guess…”

And he left the book he had casually picked up from the main hall right over the sink, making it almost outside the bathroom, only to quickly disappear back and locked into it as he heard steps approaching, then noises of the coding being pressed in the electronic locker outside.

“Shit… what the fuck…”

A ludicrous female giggling filled the room, the kind of inane giggling superficial chicks erupt into when they want to sound carefree, and they instead achieve to sound irritating. Libraries were not meant to host asinine sounds; libraries were a place for silence and growth. Atsumu thought for a moment he could have acted as a care taker of the defective bath locker and have his way with the student, but he realized there was not only one person in the room by then. There were two pair of shoes ticking on the floor, and the second pair sounded way heavier and manlike.  
Atsumu thought he could have used his escaping strategy no matter if there were a girl and a guy outside, only to be shattered by understanding what was happening in the room.

The girl's giggling had turned into a soft moaning, and all the rest of the sounds Atsumu could  
hear from the tiny bathroom were way too easy to give a name at.

_Are these two fucking planning to have sex… here?_

And the vexation he was feeling was doubled by the realization he had never thought of such an obvious option once in all the months he had gotten access to the rooms.

What a waste…

“Are…you… sure…” the girl was moaning and talking while the other was presumably undressing her, as the sounds of pieces of clothing falling on ground could be guessed repeatedly “… that nobody comes once we have this… booked?”

The last word had been cut by what had to be a kiss.  
A long kiss.  
A kiss that was making the two move around clumsy guessing from their steps sounds.

“I take it… as a… yes…”

Atsumu would have loved to evaporate. Shit. Worst idea of the century he had had… and he also started to wonder if the girl’s voice was of a known somebody… it didn't sound completely foreign, but he couldn't have placed it either.  
Not that it mattered. Having not stepped off the bathroom straight, Atsumu had clear he would have had to wait inside for the whole time the two horny students had planned to have fun, or otherwise he would have been labeled as a voyeur, a pervert and also a code stealer.   
He had no other choice than playing along and as the two were keeping slurping one another audibly he sat on the toilet thinking he would get probably off of their intercourse if they wouldn't keep it quieter.  
It wouldn't be his fault, but Nature’s fault if any: young men have their charge of hormonal functionality to take care of after all.  
That idea of using the room as a garçonniere though… he had to follow up there for sure, he thought while the two outside had probably started to find a different use for the table.

“It's been… a while… and…”

The only one vocal was the girl. For a brief instant Atsumu had imagined the other being also a girl, just to emphasize his projection as he was massaging his own crotch, but he immediately reminded himself no girl would stay as silent as the partner of this one was keeping being, and he admitted to himself that the other had to be a male with hands full of boobs, giving the sounds he was trying still to decipher.

“… I missed you… so much…”

A groan and a muffled pleasured surprise scream had escaped then from the girl's mouth, covered by lips again and a deep, manly sounding shhhh.

The guy had probably gone south with his fingers.  
Preparation is important, and Atsumu thought the guy had to know his steps well.

“I missed you and this as well, Alisa…”

Atsumu's heart didn't stop by mere chance.  
 _Holy Fucking Shit…_

“You get so irresistible when you become this willing, Tobio…”

Atsumu couldn't function.

_Tobio???_

Atsumu was about to burst in atoms.

_Fucking… Tobio????_

“I had… a… bad couple of… days…”

Every word Kageyama was softly speaking had a earthly sound: a lustful, sensorial allure which Atsumu could feel on his own skin even though everything was so low and flying away, and which had turned him rock hard instantly.

“Let me take care of your needs then…”

The sounds outside his imprisoning bathroom were suggesting somebody had been spread open on the table; Atsumu had clear in mind how sturdy Kageyama body could have looked near to it: he would never miss a chance to take a peek at it whenever they would be changing clothes near, and Kageyama would mostly not mind being naked around people, if the situation would call for it. He had always seemed comfortable with his own body and he certainly had all rights to, given how sculpted it was. Trying to put a brake on his rushing desire, Atsumu decided to calm down a bit to guess what was happening in the room. He hadn't listened to what would have sounded as a blowjob yet…   
Maybe Kageyama wasn't needing one?

_Oh, shit… He doesn't need help in getting hard… Oh… fucking shit…_

“Oh… Lord…”

“Don't… talk… like this…”

“I am sorry… but really… your body is…”

They had started kissing again, and Atsumu had to stand back at the wall to not produce sounds himself on the toilet. He was leaking pre-cum already.

“It is?…”

“Every… inch… of it…”

The kissing had gone longer and longer; the moaning more enthusing and lewd. Atsumu was going out of his mind trying to guess the other twos’ actions and at the same time trying his hardest not to figure it too graphically, in hopes to not erupt in moans himself.

“… it is absolutely perfect…”

Atsumu was in desperate need to hear how Kageyama would have muttered his bliss out. Why that stupid girl was not able to make him squawk yet? Why was she the only one ridiculously crying in pleasure? Stupid bitch… stupid undeserving bitch… 

_You have one job, damn!_

“Your body is wonderful too Alisa… even though…”

More kissing. 

_Who would have guessed you for a kissing machine, Tobio kun…_

“…nothing beats your eyes…”

_Her… EYES? What the hell, Tobio… have you ever seen YOURS?_

While Atsumu was outraged at the fact Kageyama had praised something he shall never have, given how magical his own eyes were, a thud happened. Then Atsumu heard it.  
He heard the way Kageyama Tobio would moan, and his whole vision, the real one and the imaginative one, went into a blur.

_Shit… I won't survive this… not in silence at least…_

“Give yourself to me… now… Tobio…”

The sounds were suggesting something had been dragged weightlifting onto the table, and small groans and small moans had curved into heavy breaths; Atsumu's skin was beaded with pearls of sweat, and he had a very aching member in his hand, veins popping and leaking precum abundantly.

“…G…od…”

He had definitely entered her.  
That bitch.

_Shit._

The rest of the time Atsumu spent in the closed bathroom as Alisa and Kageyama had sex became a painful and wicked mashup of bitten hands and white showers of cum in the dark tiny space.  
Every suppressed scream, any skin friction sound, any thrust and every move would send whiplashes of sensations into Miya's body, like a torture and a salvation at the same time.  
He couldn't even bare to imagine Kageyama's look in those moments, because it was enough to hear his sexed up voice to make him lose sanity.

Atsumu had no idea how long the sex between the two had lasted. He had collapsed after his own orgasm on the floor, assured that the unmatchable fix Japanese people have for cleaning meant that floor was overly sanitized. He hadn't any force to wonder what piece of his clothes he would have used to clean it all back again after that libidinous evening.

He lied powerless on the floor for minutes, heart racing, and tears streaming over his face at the released tension his own immodesty had demanded more than once.

The sounds in the room had become almost silence.  
That platinum haired girl was probably being caressed by the most beautiful fingers any human could claim…   
Undeserving tail-wagger virago.

“Thank… you…”

_What's this? They have spoken at once? What the actual fuck…_

“No… thank you Alisa… I truly… needed… this.”

“You know… that anytime you need me… I’ll be there…”

_You wish, you sappy mongrel… I WILL BE there, not you…_

Kageyama had surged. There were noises of objects being gathered back in one spot. 

_Ah! Take this, you spitfire… he ain't even answering you there… Ah!_

“I know. Thank you Alisa. You always… know… what I...”

Other steps.

“Shhh… don't say that. I live for making you happy. I live for helping you in any little way I can… don't talk like this is something which only you need…”

The unmissable sound of tongues slurping.

_Oh, what the fuck… stop kissing her, Tobio! What's this, an apnea competition training? Abominable…_

As the two had started to dress themselves back fully, Atsumu started to trying recompose himself back.

“Is that a bathroom?”

“I guess… but its lock is broken, I don't think we can use it, Alisa…”

“Oh… and I don't have anymore wet tissues…”

“Here: take mines…”

“You came fully equipped, Kageyama kun…”

Embarrassed silence? Atsumu thought that girl had no idea how to tease Tobio.

“I can… foresee…”

“…us…”

_Speaking again at the same time? Damn… stop this you two!_

And then the silver sound of Kageyama's pure laugh cut through the closed door wounding Atsumu's heart.  
That undeserving girl, he thought in distress, can make him laugh this way.  
Maybe they don't just have sex, after all, he thought as well, as one single tear of frustration came down his eye.

“To think just years ago you would refuse to kiss open air…” **NOTE B**

“I was a minor then… and…”

_A… minor? What the heck is this story??? who the heck is this girl, a witch or something??? Oh… fuck and double fuck, how I hate her…_

“And…?”

“I truly thought it could cost me volleyball back then…”

_Uh? what kind of tricky past do these two share?_

“And isn't this… now… an equally menacing… risk? Think about it… we get caught here and you…”

_Oh, for the love of above, Tobio stop it! let her speak… stop kissing her…_

“…get kicked out of Itachiyama…”

_Just stop… I can't bear her moaning while you kiss her… let her speak… go away from her…_

“… and your team…”

_… Now… please… go away from her lips now, Tobio… for my sake… please…_

“Because of my natural inclination at enjoying… this?”

Atsumu became even more attentive at Kageyama's words then. It was a reveal to be allowed to understand what would move him towards girls, or towards sex. The way he was speaking with Alisa was nothing like he had imagined. But thinking about everything he already knew about Kageyama, it was not out of place either. It wasn't out of character at all.

“Yeah… because of your disposition at bypassing propriety when you're aroused…”

That was expectable by someone as impulsive and assertive as Tobio was.  
The way he seemed to look out for sex seemed to match perfectly his attitude towards other things, such as his never ending food cravings or the way he would stubbornly pursuit perfection in any sport gesture.  
To follow his primary impulses without second guesses was very much Kageyama Tobio, Atsumu concluded, shivering innerly at the prospect.

“But I planned it well…”

“Yeah… you are… smart… my horny… amazing… setter genius…”

_Again? I won't ever get out of this place, if these two keep up with the slurping…_

“I am not… a… genius…”

_Actually you are…_

“Actually you are…”

_Great: now I also speak at unison with her… kill me now, Fate…_

“No… I am not…”

“We have to go… haven't we?”

_YES, yes you have…._

“Yes, we have… And I actually have to pick up a couple of books before assistants leave for the night shift… I also would like to eat with Sakusa San and Atsumu San… I think I have worried the both of them with my swinging moods and my heavy silences these days…”

_You have…_

“You are so cute when you talk this openly of those guys…”

_Uh? So he talks… with her about… us?_

“…and you seem fitting very well with them. You look happier than you have had by the end of your Miyagi staying…”

A thick and unexpected silence fell. Atsumu couldn't guess what had produced such a changing in Kageyama's sounding, but Alisa didn't react surprised, and she kept talking while clearly customizing the room perfectly well in the main time.

“Tobio… If there were things in Miyagi you feel have to be patched back together… time is your ally, never forget it.”

Atsumu heard a sigh unknown in Kageyama's spectrum before.

“What about the feeling I have that there are no things which need to be patched, and still, I feel changes have muted the environment there forever?”

Alisa had moved in the direction of Kageyama's voice.

“I guess that's how life works sometimes. There's really not much you can do about it.”

“That's what I think too. But I wish it wasn't so.”

“Who knows… maybe one day you'll see the point in those changes as well…”

Atsumu wondered what occurred which Alisa knew about and he didn't and which had made Kageyama regret something about his past in Miyagi.

“You know, Alisa… that's why I really love volleyball. There, a lot of things depend just on what I do about them. Life… not very much so.”

_Oh, Tobio… you're wrong. In volleyball, you are learning that it doesn't really depend only on you… and in life, you can affect so much of it with the way you act, or the way you don't…_

“Don't cast down your beautiful eyes, my king…”

Then the sound of a faltering step crashing onto a chair shook the ambient and bopped Atsumu up on his feet. Nobody seemed to have fallen though.

“I thought I told you that I don't like to be called so…”

Atsumu jerked inside the bathroom. Kageyama's voice had become dark and cold in a split second. Again, Alisa seemed unaffected by that, like she had a long experience of that tone of his.

“Sorry… forgive me. Though it's such a pity you don't like it… as you really look as beautiful and act as gloriously as Kings do…”

Atsumu heard the typical Kageyama's grunting, and got the certainty he was looking gloomy but normal in that moment, like a kid reproached for a way he is he doesn't think he should change despite others’ different belief there. Alisa had laughed her insufferable way on their walking outside the room and that had meant Atsumu could finally exit from his seclusion after minutes, dried off and exhausted from all he had to endure for almost an hour and half.  
Looking at the mess he had left in the bathroom he thought of a convenient excuse for avoiding a pother cleaning and although he knew there was none plausible for it, he shrugged his duties and after a couple of inefficient attempts at polishing the floor tiles with his sweater reversed, he left shortly after the other two already had done it, completely devoid of any guilt complex.

If he wanted to be a cleaner he would have been one.  
But he didn't like to waste time in trivialities and after all there was personnel meant to do that task, and well paid for it.

When he arrived back at the apartment he found a not very pleased Sakusa and a worried Tobio, inquiring him on his prolonged absence that day.  
He said he had wandered in Shinjuku and lost sense of time, and while Kageyama had no doubts about his story, Sakusa kept looking at him like he knew not a word he had said was true.  
As soon as the three guys had ended eating, they updated the calendar where they had signed their chores duty routines and did each what they had to accordingly.  
Kageyama did the dishes, Sakusa prepared for the morning breakfast, and Atsumu sat on the couch, watching them.  
He was supposed to clean the main bathroom, but he had luck Sakusa had already done it because that evening he had seen a suspicious bug exit from the tub, and he had wiped  
the place off and inside out for his own well being.  
After they had watched a silly game show they seemed to like even though it was mostly a humorless series of cruel puns at not very athletic workmen they went to their beds.  
Atsumu started to write on his phone as soon as the other two went into deep sleep.

_His true commanding self gets more exposed whenever he is in downloading need mode… he is at once needy and assertive. I’ve heard him with that Alisa. I am sure they have the best sex when he's like that. That girl… she doesn't deserve that. I do. I want it so bad… I will never be able to forget what I have heard today… the way he sounds… The way he sounds will cause the death of me.  
Anyway from what I have known today, apparently Tobio craves sex whenever he has to physically unleash some of himself. Also now it makes more sense how he trains his body adding to what we have to do for the team. All the running he does… it's because he has to tame the excessive energies of his incredible body. I thought Samu and I were the greatest competitors at that running thing, but more than once I realized I couldn't keep up with Tobio's endless stamina when we go out running together… oh, dear… if I only could test that stamina in my own way… We could have so, so much more fun than he gets to have with that Alisa girl. But now I have to try to sleep. Tomorrow will be a tough day, and I have to find a way to rest. _

“Guys, today we will start a different series of routines for helping you stretch before and after the training. We will do these also before and after games, may they be regular ones or sparring trials. Please let us know if you feel something's wrong with our customized plans we are now landing out to each one of you.”

“Coach…”

“Yes, Kageyama San?”

“Can I do a double for each series of these?”

“Sure… But… don't go your usual way and do even more than that ok? We don’t want your body to get excessively muscular. You are at the top of your shape as you are now, more weight in muscles could mean less agility and less jumping power.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

_Tobio has the most flexible body I have ever seen. You're expecting that from lean people, but he's actually buff. Still, the way he can elongate himself leaves me breathless. It’s difficult not to get hard seeing him stretch. When he relaxes as he stretches, his concentrated frown softens. I came to notice that later than I’d had to, but when he relaxes his face, you can see how thin and beautifully shaped his eyebrows are. They are so suave. Mine seem a super furry animal instead… he probably thinks they are awful. Nah… Tobio doesn't mind these things. He should though. He should look at me like I do look at him. Learn all my features by heart. Crave them…_

“Atsumu San, can I sit here?”

“Of course you can…”

“What is that you’re doing constantly with your phone?”

“You mean…”

“You seem to write a lot at any given time. It’s not a game… I don't think it exists one where you have to write that much… is it maybe a new girlfriend of yours which has you occupied this much?”

“Awww… would you mind it, Tobio kun?”

“Uh? Why should I?”

“You break my heart…”

“You are always having fun at my expenses, Atsumu San…”

“But I don't… really, I don't Tobio…”

Relaxing side by side after the training, the two guys stayed mum for a while.  
From the speakers of the training facility, a dull mix of Western songs of the oldest kind was filling the space up.  
The training had been intense and they had a definite need of stopping moving around for their own good.  
Both enjoyed those minutes after the training was ended where their minds could empty and they could relax for a short time. In many ways, Miya and Kageyama were very similar in their approach to volleyball, from their careful hand and nail caring, to the detailed daily activity plans, to the way they would observe rigid diets 29 days out of each month, getting crazy eaters in their spare one. **NOTE 3**

“Why do you do that rhythmic finger thing on the floor?”

“Uh?”

“Yeah… you don't even notice do you? But you tend to beat your fingertips on surfaces… and while you're doing it you look… happy?’

“Oh… you mean this?”

Kageyama had tapped the gym floor as he was listening to the music diffused. He did it looking at Atsumu to guess if that was what he meant to ask.

“Yeah, that…”

“It's my habit from last year… I have played drums for a while…” **NOTE C**

Atsumu widened his already big eyes. One could see streams of gold in his green orbs better that way.

“You… know how to play?”

Kageyama shook his hand in denial.

“Nah, it's not like that… I am not anything good, that was just a thing we did for our last Cultural Festival as a team…” his eyes began to sparkle and Atsumu felt instantly left off of the memories Kageyama was clearly replicating on his mind “… but I liked how playing drums was something which I could loose myself into back then…”

Atsumu caught the signal like a hawk a small rabbit from a negligible distance:

“Yeah… you seem the type who needs to burn overflowing energy…” and he fixed his piercing eyes into Kageyama's, fitting into them like swords “… in more than one way, right?”

Kageyama realized immediately that Atsumu wasn't talking anymore about music, or training, or running schedules.  
As perceptive as he would become during games, the younger player had reckoned Atsumu's pledge for exactly what it was.  
It was not half assed like before. It was not an innuendo, nor a short joke, and neither a fun filled attempt.  
It was a playable opportunity.  
A challenge.  
And an invitation.

“What if I would admit it, Atsumu San?”

Miya felt his whole blood rushing hot and consuming flesh of his into the whole of his body; he didn't stop to gaze into the other’s eyes, feeling more and more powerful, and bolder and bolder, for any further second Kageyama would similarly avoid to break their watching contest. His palms were starting to sweat cold, and his muscles were an electric vibration all over.

“You don't need to, Tobio kun… I happened to catch sight of you and your girlfriend the other day…”

Kageyama registered it all at impressive velocity.  
He had the ultra focused glare he would sport at games.  
Truly a Kingly sight.

“But we never went to Shinjuku the other day…”

“So maybe… neither did I?”

Kageyama slightly warped his lips line upward.  
The first time Atsumu had seen that kind of smirk had been during their first game facing off at Nationals. Much like that time, it made him shiver with excited expectation, although of a different kind than it had done that first time.

“Is that so? But I care to repeat… she's not my girlfriend…”

Kageyama's voice had reached the lowest tone. Atsumu had never heard his voice becoming that rich and misty in front of his face. His voice alone was turning him hard.

“She wished she were though…”

A tiny further upward motion of Kageyama's lips matched a glint of mischief in his pupils which Atsumu never believed the guy would show him. His hard on at that point would not be easy to dispirit, he realized within himself. He would have had to let Kageyama leave first from the gym at that point.

“We are past that. I told you already… we are friends. And we are… complicate.”

Atsumu decided it was all or nothing at that point.  
He would have never obtained a better chance at teasing than that day.  
Training time had ended, and everyone had moved to the showers, and like many other times, the latest ones leaving the place would be them two. Motoya had taken charge of Sakusa, and no one would come between him and Kageyama by then.

“But a friendly sexual relationship between healthy boys and girls isn't complicated, Tobio kun… know what would really be a complication?”

Atsumu had perfectly delivered the husky vocal tone of his own lower register, leaning a little bit more into Kageyama's personal space, so that his face would be above his hands which had a towel held in between, pressed on his chin, to wipe off the remains of the previous sweating.

“… to have some fun with a teammate, someone who really can understand your need to chase away game frustrations and download excessive stamina…” Atsumu had leaned a tiny bit further while keeping his low talk neat and rhythmic, like a heartbeat “… someone truly able to get you in your obsession and pain, but also there to share your joy and success…”

At that, Atsumu put his right hand on Kageyama's left wrist, pushing it down and grabbing it to sense a pulse “… now _that_ you could call it a complication, wouldn't you?”

Atsumu stopped leaning in. Scanning for a reaction the unmoved face of his companion, whose composure never broke, not even for an instant.

_Say something, Tobio… I am dying here, and my bluff is open wide…_

“What if I told you…”

Atsumu's breath chocked, and his head spinning flustered had him break his cool facade quickly; the way Kageyama's eyes were rooting into his was unbearably calm, and still he was being ignited by his apparently detached coolness better than if he were trying to kiss him in that very moment:

“What if you told me what? That you have never considered same sex fun as an option?”

Kageyama buried his eyes into his senpai's orbits to catch Atsumu's irises widen until the green could not be seen much anymore. He did not know much about social interactions, that was still mostly true, unless on a volleyball court. But he had began a while before to master some kind of those social exchanges out of sport enough to dominate easily certain fields, just like a King would. Kageyama's inner nature would invariably show up as soon as he could feel unrestrained and accepted for who he was.  
Atsumu felt caught, but at that point he didn't care anymore. His left hand had moved down to put his own towel over his hips to protect the tent aching in his pants and there was no way he could masquerade his lusting much longer.

“What if…” and Kageyama leaned in himself, to whisper at Atsumu's ear the clearest he could “… I tell you I already had experiences there?”

Atsumu felt expanding inside, while a sudden stream of hot joy crushed his limbs, making him slightly jolt in his place; Kageyama's face had moved back away, but his blue eyes were open, glistening, dangerously honest.  
He wasn't kidding.  
He wasn't lying.  
He had gotten it on with males too, then.

“This…” Atsumu composed himself back, a triumphant smirk surfacing on his full lower lip, his right hand moving under his own chin, contemplating “… this is definitely unexpected, Tobio kun, and…”

Kageyama's eyes never wandered.  
Atsumu wanted to learn the language those eyes could teach him.  
Badly.  
So badly.

“…and not very traditional either, right? What about… your formalities and… consuetudes…”

At that point, Kageyama wore the most promising, bratty, lewd tiny grin Atsumu could have ever wished for, and with firm voice, he replied:

“I have discovered since growing up that there are two places where I am totally free, satisfied and creative. The first, of course, is the court. The other…” and his eyes burst in a blue flame “… is wherever I can get physically near to people I have come to deem interesting enough to shake me from my apathy.”

Atsumu called up all his strength to not crumble at that, and to maintain the same stance as before, and to not quiver in his voice and to not fail at anything he had a feeling he was then supposed to reply to gain his prize, his most seeded and treasured one:

“But you never seem apathetic to me… just…very… _selective_?”

Kageyama's eyes sparkled a burst more, and his face seemed to gain luminosity, albeit not moving at all.

“Yeah… I take pride at being selective… in playing a game… and sometimes…”

Atsumu reciprocated the glinting eyes, gulping a bit as he concluded by himself Kageyama's speech:

“…at playing in life…”

Kageyama wore a final smile and there Atsumu hissed, his heart becoming a ruthless ride of the Valkyries, as Kageyama mercilessly capped the sentence with a ‘exactly so… and…then would you mind mixing those two places up with me a bit, Atsumu San?”

Outside the gym, just in front of the main entrance which had been left open, a flock of crows had gathered to pick over a piece of meat bun somebody had crashed on ground, leaving no remains of it after a few screeches, and flying away as Miya and Kageyama exited from the building, silent and uncaring of the air of the Fall becoming chiller by the minute, and heading towards their apartment dressed in just their Team jerseys, one behind the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTES 1,2,3** : Real occurrences in manga/anime
> 
> **NOTES A, B, C** : facts happening in my other fictions which are in bundle with Ikigai, in this case, the previous two, Okurimono and Shingetsu No Kaihatsu
> 
> **Cleanliness in Japan** Cleanliness, for any first world country, is primarily a cultural issue. In Japan the habit of keeping things clean reach a peak unthinkaeble in many other developed Countries.  
> First and foremost, cleaning habits and expectations are culturally ingrained into students through daily school cleanings ( **gakkou souji 学校そうじ** ).  
> This lunch routine contains several moral messages: no work, not even the dirty work of cleaning, is too low for a student; all should share equally in common tasks; the maintenance of the school is everyone's responsibility. To underline these messages, on certain days each year the entire school body from the youngest student to the principal put on their dirty clothes and spend a couple hours in a comprehensive cleaning of the school building and grounds.  
> Since students are responsible for cleaning the school later, they have an incentive to keep things clean.  
> The practice is not simply for cost cutting reasons, but is rooted in Buddhist traditions that associate cleaning with morality ( **misogi 禊** ). On the other hand, Western culture views cleaning as a menial task left to lower classes.  
> These behaviors are reflected in the vocabulary. The word **kirei (きれい)** can be defined as "pretty, beautiful; clean; pure; orderly." By comparison, the opposite word **kitanai (きたない)** defined as "dirty, unclean, messy" is often used to describe unbeseeming behavior.


	4. Riddle Maker, Riddle Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“All the excesses, all the violence, and all the vanity of great men, come from the fact that they know not what they are: it being difficult for those who regard themselves at heart as equal with all men...  
>  For this it is necessary for one to forget himself, and to believe that he has some real excellence above them, in which consists this illusion that I am endeavoring to discover to you.”_
> 
> **Blaise Pascal**

The light coming from the window hurt his eyes.  
It hadn't been a good night for him, and when he finally had fallen asleep around three A.M., the stress he had sustained in the previous three days didn't fade out enough to rest neither his body nor his mind.  
That was a morning where he knew once awaken he would find himself alone in the apartment.   
Kageyama and Sakusa had always let him sleep every Thursday without interrupting his rest, knowing his schedule that morning was devoid of lessons and he would always fight any attempt at being forced out of the bed unless there was a special training or some other event he would make clear before he wouldn't dare to miss.  
Bothered by the realization he hadn't found any solace in his sleep, Atsumu tried to cover his whole body with the sheet, but the gesture, made consciously, just increased the awareness of his surroundings and of the noises in the building, making it useless to keep trying staying in bed.

“Oh…. fuck…”

Resting his face on his forearm, bended on one side, Atsumu whined in his empty room, turning and tossing a bit before jumping out of the covers, not any differently as somebody who would find a venomous scorpion hidden under a futon.

Then with lazy and uneven steps, barefoot on the wooden floor, he headed to the bathroom.  
A shower.  
A shower would work.

“I just… I just… don't understand. I really don't…”

As the hot water was falling from his head to the tip of his toes, Miya Atsumu kept washing his face, his hands all over it, once, twice, thrice… and the more he was wiping water from his eyes, the more his eyes kept watering.

“I… don't get this…”

After finishing his cleaning start up of the day, without customizing the bathroom tidy back straight, as he never did if not ordered to, he went to the kitchen to eat what had to be more a brunch than a breakfast, giving the late morning hour.

Rounding the table to pick his own chair, his eyes fell on a blue napkin meticulously folded, near a blue colored set of dish and cutlery impeccably prepared for the evening meals.  
Atsumu looked at the display in front of him with fond eyes, then exhaled a long sigh and realized all the food he was preparing wasn't really anything he wanted to eat.

He nevertheless tried to put something in his stomach, as he hadn't eaten much the past few days, and said stomach was growling for the negligence, but beside playing a bit with his food, he couldn't bring himself to munch on much at all.  
His stomach was knotted.  
His lungs were burning.  
His heart was oppressed.  
And his mind had no clues.

“Fuck everything…”

Looking at all he had cooked, he had the decency to save the food for later, using boxes to put in the fridge whole truncheons of smoked salmon and three vegetables cut offs.

“Just… why?”

Atsumu landed on the couch in front of the tv.  
Spreading his arms and legs, he closed his eyes.  
Mentally reviving the latest developments of his attempt at getting into Kageyama's pants, he could just increase his discomfort and disappointment as to why said development, in the end… _hadn't properly happened_.

He had no idea what had stopped what had seemed so clearly a giant step in the right direction.  
Eyes still in the dark, he could see, he could _feel_ again everything which had happened days before: Kageyama's sapphire orbs fixed into his, while telling him nonchalantly how he wasn't unaware of playful games with guys… his malicious, completely mesmerizing thin smile, so sensual, so promisingly devious… the way his face was lit with that confidence Atsumu was so weak for, while he was explaining to him how he could like to get _physically near to interesting people_ , and the indescribable tone of his voice when he had invited him at playing with him mixing volley and life before exiting the gym building to head back at their shared apartment.  
Squinting more his eyes, still shut, Atsumu groaned, recalling like how they had stepped in that apartment, just to find Sakusa and Komori waiting for them with pizzas and a bunch of volley dvds to check.  
He could still feel that moment like he had been targeted by ten guns, all shooting at once right into the middle of his heart.

“Fuckers…”

To that day, he had no memory of anything else of that evening. Everything had become a messy blur as soon as he had realized his magic moment had been destroyed by a pepperoni pizza and a couple of old volley games of Brazilian National Team in 2012.

But back then, back to that unfortunate night, he had been hopeful still.  
Sure, that magic moment had vanished but… they would have found quickly another way to spend a bit of quality time together.

Or so he had thought.

Very much going ahead of himself there.

Because as soon as the subsequent morning had come, Kageyama seemed to have no trace in his doings, speaks or even in his way to look of anything they had said back in the gym when Atsumu had thought to take him as his had been a question of minutes, even.

At first Atsumu had imagined Kageyama just wanted to find again a proper moment to express his wish to be in the proximity of his; but then in the following days he had never caught on the little chances Miya had thought he would grasp.

He had not tried to meet him alone.  
He had never glanced at him the way he had hoped he would.  
He had never accepted to twitch a bit his routines so that they would end spending a bit of time alone either at the gym or in the apartment.

And Miya Atsumu, after three full days of such let downs, was starting to let his mind go wild, following each more bruise on his heart, which was surprisingly quite sensitive once exposed, and falling into a kind of depression which had to be a first for him.

“I feel like I am into a cruel riddle game. And the worst thing is that I have no idea about what I am supposed to do or to think about it. SHIT!”

Screaming alone in the house felt good.  
Atsumu loved to scream whenever he had to unload his stress. For years he and his twin brother would scream at one another mercilessly, and that would set their differences and make them up… **NOTE 1**

“I guess if I call him up now he might be on lunch break?”

He knew his brother would never eat before 2 pm on week days at University, and sometimes even later than it if he had laboratory duties, but Atsumu was not the type to be fully considerate of others. And he was the type who would give even less consideration to his brother, just because he knew he would never lose him anyway.

“Samu… can you talk a bit?”

On the other side of the phone, Miya Osamu greeted him with a typical sound of mockery. Osamu loved to have his brother beg for his time. The sadistic side both of them had was especially unfiltered in the oldest of the two.

“Oh… what's up… you sound very dim and dead…”

Osamu would emphasize on each adjective, just to piss his brother off more. But instead of a bursting and attacking reply, he heard Atsumu's voice step even lower, and there he realized maybe it wasn't time to act cruelly. He would do it in a better time.

“I… well…”

Osamu felt his own chest clenching at the dismissed breathing of his twin, becoming alerted and alarmed, all the same:

“Holy shit… are you truly my Tsumu? This ain't sounding nothing like you, bro…”

“Can you stop having fun at my despair for a minute? I really need you idiot!”

“Okay. Wanna skype?”

“I’d rather not… my face… ain't your face right now.”

Atsumu was being completely honest. And from that starting point, Osamu already knew he had to treat him carefully and well. A vulnerable Atsumu was rare. A vulnerable Atsumu was Osamu’s weakest spot.

“Wow. This is bad then…”

“Very. Wanna listen?”

“Sure.”

Even not looking at one another, each brother could see the other and guess exactly what kind of face they were wearing at that moment. It was wonderful to have the certainty another you was in the world to take a full care of any trouble which may arise.  
It was one of the most precious gifts in the world, to have a twin brother.

“Promise it then. Promise you won't make fun of me, nor use anything of what I am about to say to embarrass me later on...”

“Erm…”

“Samu? C’mon… do it…”

“Know what I really love about you my asslike and venomous doppler? The fact you are in need, but you still unable to properly ask me things by politely inserting… I dunno… simple stuff like a ‘please’ here and there?”

“But I won't ever do it. You owe me help. We are twins, you fucker!”

“I wanna unload you tho…”

“Samu… be serious…”

“I am. For this one time tho, I’ll listen. Go.”

Atsumu detailed to his brother his shortcomings with a voice filled with all the highs and the lows of the recent days. Osamu knew everything about his twin’s feelings, because despite being at constant war with each other about pretty much anything, both of them felt like theirs was an unbreakable bond destined to make them a unit forever, and to open up about their inmost passion and troubles was a second nature they would never bargain for all the gold in the world.

“As usual, you just run wild with your imagination way before it's due…”

“Trust me Samu, this time I didn't! I didn't see nor hear things which were not there…”

Osamu paused a moment. He was clearly trying to come up with something useful to bring his brother out of his daze.

“You are culpable of hyperbolic expectations. All the times. Let's assume that Kageyama kun may have showed you some openness you might get to fully stretch… how much of the developments you told me about are just your forecasting, rather than logical steps to be reasonably taken by him?”

“Mmmhhh… what?”

Osamu knew his twin wasn't the type for high registered speeches, all the more when he was completely focused on matters he really did care about. Aware of that, Osamu rephrased his reasoning:

“How much of all your pain stays in what you are dreaming will surely come, and how much is instead expectable given how reserved and unattainable Kageyama kun seems to be? Maybe if you wouldn't always dream of things long ahead before they look makeable, all your sadness you are currently enduring wouldn't be?”

“Well… why should I part those stuffs? I mean… I hope about things because they matter the most for me? My hopes are the reasons I can act toward something? And sure Tobio might be cold about lot of things but… he accepts me. And he definitely likes me.”

Osamu gulped in his laboratory at Kyoto University. Atsumu really was into that kouhai.

“Liking you and accepting you love him are not the same thing tho…”

“They are. They will be.”

“In your world, or in his own? Use more logic, you bonehead! People are different than you.”

“Love and logic are like water and oil. If you love through logic, you may as well never love at all…”

“But if you keep forgetting logic does exist, your love and Kageyama kun’s type of it, whatever it is that his love is, they might end as water and fire…”

Atsumu wanted to reply, but Osamu’s words had cut through him like a knife.  
He was having a fair point.  
Love might differ in meaning from person to person… and what if his overwhelming one might extinguish the tiny one of Tobio he might start to muster towards him - he was sure that was happening - before it could properly grow and burn, impossible to be tamed?

“Tsumu?”

Atsumu went back to himself.  
He felt better.

“Samu?”

“Yes?”

Atsumu's voice had changed. Osamu reckoned it instantly.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He wanted to have the last word, but his brother sounded so relieved he didn't have the heart to try.

“You’re welcome. Try to not make that apartment explode, ok?”

Atsumu snorted.

“I can't assure you…”

Osamu smiled, and his voice mellowed.

“As expected from you. Anyway… take care. And come back visiting us soon, ok?”

“I will. Talk to you later, Samu. Take care as well, bye!”

And as soon as the call ended, Atsumu went back into the kitchen, took off all of the food he hadn't eaten previously and calmed his belly which was strained with starving pain.  
When he finished he decided he would face Kageyama soon and confront him about what they had spoken about back in the gym days before.  
Glad in his resolve, he started to mentally projecting situations which could occur after their face off, and being an optimist, all of them in his mind would lead to a surefire hookup.  
Swaying all over the living room, posing like he was holding someone affectionately Miya didn't hear the door unlocking and keeping his air dance with the ghost of Kageyama he stumbled over Sakusa, who couldn't hide an hissing sound of disgust and who jumped back at the contact like he had just caught fire from his clothes.

“Kyoomi…?”

Sakusa evened his breathing which had gotten erratic for the shock of the unexpected and totally unwanted touch of Atsumu's back and rotating forearm into his chest, then as displeased in Miya as ever he asked sternly what he was doing waltzering in their living room.  
Atsumu, back to his aggressive and provocative self after days of lying low demeanor replied he was faking a sensual duet dance with his darling Tobio kun.

Sakusa became purple, with eyes ignited by war bursting flames.

“Stop with this nonsense. This won't ever happen.”

Atsumu twitched his mouth in a condescending smile, the one Sakusa hated most.

“This will happen for sure and it won't even take me that long. See, Kyoomi… now I know what I have to do. And you might be unaware, but I could have taken sweet Tobio already, if a few days ago you and Motoya didn't decide for that pizza party…”

Sakusa unexpectedly calmed down. His eyes lost the fire, becoming as cold as eternal ice. Then with his typical monotonous voice, he said:

“You are just playing a game way too big for your small hands.”

“I am not playing any game. I am in love. And trust me when I say this love is far from being denied.”

Sakusa assumed a careful posture. His chin lowering, his sharpest glance pointing at the guy in front of him. An attacking stance.

“Tobio is mistaken about you. He believes you are kind and friendly to him. He cannot see your dirty plans, but I do, and I won't ever allow you laying a finger on him…”

Atsumu smirked. Then peacefully moved towards Sakusa, who retracted without changing his menacing posture.

“Mines are not dirty plans. My only plan is to make love to the person I love. A concept which of course you can't get, because you would never feel like touching anybody. But… newsflash, Kyoomi: you can't part love and touch. And Tobio and I will soon reach for one another. It's just a matter of when, not a matter of if.”

Sakusa glared as Atsumu in such a freezing manner the setter felt his entire blood becoming lazy and useless glue into his veins. The pallor it brought visibly to Miya's skin vanished as quickly as the spiker began to speak behind his mask, because then the setter reacted as if he was fronting a beast he had to chase away with his full might:

“You keep using grand words, Atsumu, but you don't speak the truth anyway…”

“The hell I don't… who are you to say this? My feelings for Tobio are real. This is the deepest love I have ever felt, so shut up and never dare judge my heart again!”

Sakusa deadpanned into Atsumu's orbs. The aura of negativity and danger emanating from the taller guy was suffocating but Atsumu held his own well, and never backed down at Kyoomi’s intrusion.

“Your heart… what a negligible thing your heart is anyway, when all it wants is not to love, but to change other ones…”

“What the heck are you talking about, you snooty freak…”

Sakusa's eyes darted hateful glares. But he was feeling safe. The fact Atsumu had to retort at him his peculiarities was making his victory already clear.

“I am not a freak. Not more than you are, for sure. And whatever you think of me, it doesn't touch nor matter to me. But one thing I want to tell you. Your so called love… that is weak. And it is a foil. You don't love Tobio at all. Because if you did, you would not try to change him into your own mold of him you have in your mind.”

“You are crazy. I don't want to change him at all.”

“Liar. You surely do instead. And that's why what you claim is your love for him ain't ever gonna match mine. Ever.”

“What… the hell are you saying, Kyoomi?”

Sakusa took his mask off. Every inch of his face was so intense while he was about to talk that Atsumu stopped to breath properly for a little.

“I am saying that even if I won't ever dare to touch Tobio Kageyama the way you are in lust and in hurry to do, my love for him is countless times deeper and truer than yours, for I could live forever by his side, this love I feel unspoken eternally to him, yet perfectly satisfied in just being in his company every day of my life, whatever he would do and whomever he would be involved with in the main time…”

Sakusa's eyes were of a velvety dark. Atsumu never realized black color could have so many shades and that black could glimmer.

“… so just know this, Atsumu: real love doesn't need anything more than to exist. Real love does not plan. Real love does not push. Real love does not ask. Real love just loves. Expecting nothing in return.”

And then Sakusa turned on himself going into his room, leaving a stream of echoes into Miya's mind.  
All the things Sakusa had said running into Atsumu's head as wild horses in arena circles.  
He had admitted it then.  
Sakusa Kyoomi had done it.  
Sakusa Kyoomi…  
Could _feel love._  
He had already mentioned something around the line.  
But he never had so clearly admitted he was consciously in love with anybody.  
A Sakusa Kyoomi in love.  
A Sakusa Kyoomi _utterly and completely_ in love.  
How terrifying.

Around an hour later, Kageyama returned into their apartment, showing a printed paper in his hand to his roommates who were mutely preparing the dinner. He didn't catch the tension between them.  
He almost never could guess it.

“At tomorrow's practice we will be informed of some great thing, Motoya San just told me!”

Atsumu made the effort of behaving like nothing had happened between Sakusa and him, and questioned Kageyama about the paper he was keeping in his hand.

“This is a form I need to fill. Apparently you guys don't need to? So you know about the big announcement already?”

Kageyama wouldn't be the type to ask for more. He would not ask them to tell what the big announcement could be, despite correctly guessing they had to have an idea about it already. Kageyama would love to learn it at the supposed right time anyway.  
So both Sakusa and Atsumu just nodded at him, telling how he would have enjoyed the announcement the most of anybody else in the whole College the subsequent day.  
Unlike what they had expected from their friendly teasing, Kageyama didn't make a fuss out of the anticipation and shortly after dinner he excused himself and went sleeping, as he had been left much drained that day.

If Kageyama was having expectations regarding the mysterious news he would know about, no one would have imagined from his behavior, come the new day; he maintained his impassive face throughout the whole of his morning classes, and the same he did during volley practice, just like nothing had to happen past it.  
The only sign he was after all affected by the incoming news was that he moved to the front of the sitting area when their coaches started to give the post practice speech at the athletes in the volleyball gymnasium, speech which must include the very exciting news.

“We will head to the United States in December, for a training camp which will be in exchange with our University partner there. This is a recurrent Itachiyama tradition and we advise you all in taking the duty at your most serious. Especially the newbies… this is also a chance to improve academically and not just sports wise, so don't think of our trip as a vacation, because it's not.”

Kageyama whole face had stopped to move, and not even his breathing seemed anymore working. One couldn't guess if he was terrified or electrified at the sudden unveiling of the reason he had to sign a paper for transferring the day before. Not that he had actually read a line of it. He had just signed it because they had asked him to.  
As soon as the coach had broken ranks, he stood up in search of his senpais to ask them more about the camp, but he was clearly overwhelmed by the announcement and that was making his way to move hilarious. He was looking like his knees were made of jello and couldn't sustain him, making him bounce a little on his foot. **NOTE 2**  
He didn't see Atsumu had moved by his side already, so when he turned to rush to where Kyoomi and Komori were, his face and Atsumu's practically collided.

“You in hurry, Tobio kun?”

Atsumu was determined to solve Kageyama's riddle that same day.  
He had gotten enough of half-assed propositions and he wanted answers, so he would take any chance and any space to pin the younger guy and let them have a conclusive exchange regarding their ideas about one another.

“Atsumu San…”

_He looks bewildered. How nice. Are you getting emotional when you look at me from an inch away too, Tobio?_

“You seem excited about our New York trip… it's so rare to see you wearing that face outside of games!”

“Well yes! I mean… no! I mean…”

_He is so darn cute…_

“When you stutter you are so cute, Tobio kun…”

“I am not stuttering…”

“You are?”

“I am not and… Sakusa San!”

Sakusa and Komori had joined the other two. Sakusa's face had no reaction at the fact Kageyama had once more addressed him by surname, but Komori nonetheless, having the longest experience of Kyoomi, couldn't suppress a chuckle about it, well aware it had to hurt.

“Yes, Tobio?”

“Do you know already which span of December we’ll spend in the US?”

Sakusa nodded, then proceeded to lower his mask. That would be a sign his words were like the Delphinium Oracle, a certified reality, and that they had to be taken as such.

“We’ll be there from 15 to 29th of December. In time to get back for all the New Year celebrations, of course.”

Kageyama seemed worried about the answer of Sakusa. Komori, always the fastest one among them when it was about noticing the faintest of changes in Kageyama, asked if there was anything wrong for him regarding the camp.  
Kageyama denied, explaining the time set would have just prevented him from getting back in Miyagi for his birthday, and that he would have probably disappointed a bit his former teammates who were organizing for the time a meeting among all of them, sparse around the Country, who would be around their hometown those days.

“But we will spend the New Years pretty much all there anyway, so it doesn't matter. I just wanted to know so that I can tell them and avoid them to waste time organizing parties where I won't be able to attend.”

Atsumu mumbled.

“I remember you as quite uninterested in party and birthday stuff, Tobio kun…”

“You are right. I am not fond of any of those. But Hinata and Yamaguchi wanted to organize this meeting and if it weren't for the camp I would be back home for the time of my birthday, so I had given them my availability for it just in case. I think it's my duty to tell them plans have changed. Knowing Hinata, he has probably already given a pre/invite to one hundred people as soon as I said I could have been in Miyagi for my 19th…”

“I guess we can celebrate you in New York…”

Komori and Miya looked distinctly shocked at Sakusa, who had just spoken, still mask deprived.

“There is… no need… Sakusa San!”

“You mean we are not as entertaining as your former teammates for a party?”

“No… that’s not it of course! It's that I don't want to bother you with something unimportant like my birthday…”

Sakusa looked at Kageyama, and smiled.  
A little, faint smile, very similar to the kind Kageyama would offer when well disposed.  
And like it would happen with Kageyama's face, the kind of relaxing the gesture would bring to the strong features of Kyoomi’s visage would make him look extremely handsome.  
Everybody got frozen by the sight.

“Your birthday is something we will be very happy to celebrate instead. I am very glad it falls in a day where we are in New York. New York lighted up for Xmas is a memory nobody can forget.”

And saying this, Sakusa put back his mask on.

Atsumu watched him like a fox watches a weasel. **NOTE 3**  
He was sure the dates of the New York camp weren't as casual as Sakusa would have loved them all to believe.

“Anyway, Tobio kun… so after the camp you will return to Miyagi straight?”

“Definitely. Won't you get back to Kansai?”

“I will. Of course I will. Talking about returns… how long we are able to delay our coming back to Tokyo after that? When this past January Oikawa and Ushijima had their coming of age celebrations they took like a month leave or what?”

“Ah! I remember their coming of age being advised all over Sendai! Even volley tournaments tried to adjust to them?”

“Really, Tobio kun?”

“Well… they are prominent alumni so…”

Atsumu was feeling uneasy any time Kageyama's face would be clearly depicted with admire for his local senpais. Ushijima was not a real trouble for him, while Oikawa had such a position in Kageyama's personal human hit list he could physically feel discouraged trying to compete with it.

“But so are you, Tobio kun! I couldn't care less for those things, and I disregarded mine actually but for your ceremony next…I might come along? Yours will be at a time where you’ll make the National news?”

Kageyama looked at Atsumu horrified. He didn't like parades. Much less parades of himself.

“I am not as a notable student as either Ushijima or Oikawa San. I am just… me.”

Puzzled as to why Kageyama would dismiss his praise, since all he wanted to suggest was how Kageyama would come of age past the Olympics, Atsumu quieted for a minute, in time to receive Sakusa's answer about the duration of the Winter holidays:

“Todai policy regarding attendance is different than Itachiyama’s. The maximum you are allowed to not stay at the Campus when Campus is active, and you are not excused by College itself or due to medical reasons is a week. Out of that, you get points detracted from your CV.”

“Always so informed, Kyoomi kun…”

Sakusa shrugged, then told the group he would head back in the apartment to finish a paper due for the subsequent day.  
Komori also left, for he had as well to finish paperworks in time for his nastier deadline of the semester.  
Standing alone, Atsumu and Kageyama started to gather their stuffs, in silence.  
Then after a few minutes, Atsumu spoke again:

“You will have to tell your beautiful girlfriend you won't be around for a while Tobio kun…”

“How many times do I have to tell she's not my girlfriend?”

Miya knew the time to reinvest his energies trying to curve Kageyama's attention back at his self was upon him right there. Rapidly figuring out a pattern of useful conversation towards his target, he kept teasing the younger setter about the risks of leaving a beautiful girlfriend alone around Christmas time.

“She will be left alone not only during your birthday time, but she is going to have you on the other side of the world also by Christmas, when we Japanese exchange gifts with the ones we like…”

Kageyama didn't seem to care about any of that.

“Even if we wouldn't leave to the US, I don't think we would have spent any of those days together tho…”

“You really are hearthless, Tobio kun… that poor girl…”

“She knows I don't mean to make her suffer…”

“I know, I know… you two just have sex?”

Kageyama looked at Miya very upset for his words right there. His frown etched so deep into his feature he was suddenly making the air around him cooler.

“Sorry, sorry… I didn't want to sound rude. Forgive me… please?”

Kageyama inhaled deeply. Then nodded accepting Atsumu's apology.

“You see, I don't look out for Alisa especially for sex. It sure then does happen that we have it… but it’s not like she is my booty call…”

Atsumu thought the fact Kageyama would want to make that point clear was part of his nice nature. The words he was choosing weren't exactly gentlemanly but that bluntness was also very much him. He liked that part a lot.

“She’s not?”

“Nope. I actually really like to talk with her. She is smart, but also very bubbly and amusing to be around. I like when she speaks with that voice of hers. She calms me down and sometimes that is what I need most. So that some of our meetings are just stops at cafes or long walks around town, when I can listen to her and get relaxed…”

Atsumu marveled. Then the content of Kageyama's words summed in to let him realize what he was saying was very in character with the observation he had amassed about him. Kageyama Tobio had excessive energies running into him, but he was always trying to not let them explode. He wasn't like his old Karasuno partner, Shouyo kun, always bursting with flames of activities, always loud and jumping around. Kageyama was more the unfazed type, though he did remember back at the times where he had seen the two together, that the overflowing energy of Hinata had often pushed also Kageyama at give in and manifesting his own one, resulting in strange and funny banters with the two of them which could include even running after one another in the middle of a game.

“So you look out for her when you need to calm down, and that is not always the sex between you two which can do the trick?”

“You know… if I don't feel disparaging and unbalanced sex is not on my mind at all… when I feel at my regular, I don't crave any of those things…”

“You don't?”

“I don't… well, I do think occasionally about that, but when I am in normal shape, when nothing bothers or affects me, the only thing I care about is volley. Nothing else ever matters to me.”

“So you use sex as a download, when a normally relaxing situation for you ain't enough to de-stress or to hush you off?”

Kageyama took his chin between his fingers, thinking how to explain himself.

“Not exactly. Sex… the urge of it… I can sense it coming but very often I don't give in to it. I mean… not anybody would be wanted by me not even at my worst state of stress. I need to… have a connection with those I decide to have a physical thing with… so in a way… Alisa is perfect for me because she can be there either for talks or…”

“Or to sex you up and down?”

Kageyama blushed a little. Atsumu thought his embarrassed face was the single most arousing thing he had ever laid eyes on. And the more Kageyama was trying to conceal it, the more the effect was at its mightiest. He was being very honest and open, and that blushing was not there because he was thinking any of his behaviors were strange or creepy, but certainly only because he wouldn't want people thinking bad of Alisa, who was always ready to be there for him. That way he had to try to protect her image, and not his, was absolutely enchanting to Atsumu, who was the type to not care at all about others, most of times, but was only focused on himself. Also Kageyama seemed to care only about himself, except that actually he was not. All those little discoveries Atsumu was presented day after day regarding his crush were a treasure he was feeling very thankful for.

“Gotcha. But many boyfriends are like that anyway? It's not like boyfriends of our age are making a mystery about the fact they need sex sometimes beyond anything else. That doesn't make them monsters. It is just… natural?”

“I don't have those kind of social thoughts though. I have… never been good there. Generally to me it’s more… an instinct. I want something… I take it. But I learnt that I never want anything I don't feel has a value independently. So I think I like to have sex with Alisa because I really like her in many other things. Even if it seems I am using her… I feel that I don't because I would never have sex just to have sex. This… I don't know… do I make sense?”

“You do…”

The little acceptance from Atsumu made Kageyama sigh in relief. At that little sound, Atsumu's heart bursted. Then Kageyama looked at him with a relaxed and tiny smile and Miya told himself he could live looking at that face forever.

“I have never been social, Atsumu San. This whole sex and couples stuffs… I may as well always be terribly naive and unskilled about them. Any social stuff… is very foreign to me. At least I am well aware of that. The only social I know that I care about… is on court. You see, in life I don't mind be alone. I never did. I may like people, well, some of them… but I don't see me dying or anything without them. The only situation when I am terrified of being left alone…”

“It’s on court.”

Kageyama's eyes widened.  
Atsumu really could get him.  
Maybe because he also was a setter, maybe because he also lived for the game…  
Such a binding and inspiring connection, that was something Kageyama could feel blessed to have found.

“Yes. All people I thought were good for the game… when they leave, either me or the game… that I feel like it wounds me. Deeply. I can't stand it. But it happens… only there and then. I only care to learn socialite rules regarding what can I do of them while I play. That is something I really, really am interested in and there is where I have still so much to learn. But other than that… yes, sex is fun and all, and to go out with interesting people is cool and all but… I don't long for that. I only long for having a ball to set and see the face of my opponents crumble and those of my teammates light up. That is what I want. That is what I see myself fighting for...”

Atsumu's droopy eyes searched for Kageyama's and for a second the two just remained standing face to face in the corridor of the gym.  
Nobody around.  
Just the two of them.

“You… are… how can I say? Peculiar?”

“I am me. I don't feel awkward in my skin. But since people have different concepts than me mostly… that's why I can't be a boyfriend to anyone. Not a real, official one. Because I could never say to anybody that I love them. I only love volley. The way this sport makes me feel, which no orgasm could ever match...”

_Oh, Tobio… give time to time… give time to me and one day, you will tell me how you love me indeed…_

“Alisa will hate that...”

_And I do remember even too well the way your orgasms sounded good, Tobio… fuck if I do…_

“She always says she doesn't…”

“And you believe her?”

Kageyama nodded.

“I never see any point in lying. So for her own sake, I hope she is telling me the truth. Otherwise she will just be sad, and it wouldn't be my fault. I am like this. I am not asking anybody to like me. But if they do… this is still me.”

Atsumu started to watch Kageyama with a startled face.  
He was the type to take pride in his bold and unafraid personality, but as many other times it had happened already, anytime Kageyama would so simply and naturally hint at his concept of himself, he would marvel in realizing where he _thought of himself as cool and unique_ , Tobio Kageyama _actually_ was it.

“I… really like when you show me more of what you think, Tobio kun…”

Kageyama noticed Atsumu was being truthful by the way he wasn't trying to transform the conversation in something about himself. He hadn't even realized he was being this open. It wasn't the reserved part of him preventing such openness to show. It's that he was still the same guy not believing his own personal world could be interesting for others. And anyway, Miya was putting too much value in something which was just normal to him.  
Still, he was liking their conversation.  
He liked to talk with Atsumu.  
Atsumu wasn't just funny, or excessive, or a competitive brat.  
There were times, like that one, when he could easily become empathic, knowledgeable and reliable and Kageyama was liking that Atsumu a lot.

“I can't really say that this is what I _think?_ It's more how I _feel?_ ”

“Does it make really any difference?”

“I… don't know. And anyway I am never good at curbing my instincts so, even if it would, I couldn't intervene past a certain point…”

“It's funny. Now that I have more experience of you I see how much of you is pure instinct but back at our first meeting, and out of the research I did on you even before it, I thought you were this kind of super logic machine…”

“You did research on me?”

“Sure. As soon as I saw you had been picked for National Youth Camp. I had to zeroing on you and check the competition of course. Or did ya think I was annoying you there just out of the blue?”

“Well…”

“Ahaaahhh… you can be so naive Tobio kun!”

And this is also why I like you so much… because you can be also like this, so clueless and full of openings…

“Don't blush… oh, and I am sorry for that time I called you a goody two shoes. I fear it backfired badly on me on our first National game tho, so…” **NOTE 4**

“You dug your own grave.”

“I did. Anyway, what were you trying to say about instincts?”

“Well… for how much people think of me as a loner and a thinker…”

“Which part you perfectly look like…”

“Yeah, I guess… but I mostly live on instincts instead. When they kick in… I get so into things I can't see anything else. It's overwhelming in a way, but it also can happen very smoothly, very… gently. It’s part of me so much, that when I become completely instinctual is like my senses upgrade by thousands. It’s sudden sometimes… but… how to explain… it is not violent or scary… it’s…”

“It's like you get to what you truly are?”

Kageyama intensely considered Atsumu's words. Was he right? In his life, the only one boldly screaming at him he wouldn't have to hide who he was, had been Hinata. **NOTE 5**  
That dumbass and his stupid love for stupid nicknames.  
But maybe… being unafraid of being kingly had also to do with the fact he had accepted better back then how his instincts were a sort of gift for his sport he loved so much, and maybe his instinctually driven brain and his instinctively oriented body were good things too?

“I am never good at explaining it. One of my former senpais at Karasuno has studied this state of mind of mine during games, calling it _Flow_ , but it doesn't happen to me only when I play, although there it happens at its peak of power…” **NOTA A**

Atsumu was sparkling while listening to Kageyama and his heart was beating so fast his entire body was electric.

“So that's your genius thing I suppose…”

“Genius… that's so funny when people call me that. To me geniuses are those incredible minds who can save the world. Those people whose existence can change the world. My so called genius thing instead is just me not opposing this kind of deep instinct takeover which happens sometimes to me? It’s like being water, and finding no obstacles in my run. It’s natural, it can be powerful but in the end… it's nothing like saving the world?”

Atsumu was looking at Kageyama's face and reading over it the discomfort of having people defining as genius what was for the young man just a natural occurrence, like having hair raven or fair. He couldn't see the greatness of it. But conversely, he was also really humble in spite of it. Atsumu felt his crush on him multiply and multiply by the seconds. That face which was still so young looking and which was breathtakingly beautiful whenever softened had him screaming inside.

“So I guess… this instinctively inclined side of yours kicks in also when you turn into a sexual mode?”

“I guess… it happens whenever the most real me steps in I suppose?”

“Sounds dangerous…”

“Well, it's not like it's untamable in full… I mean, I know how to… not lose control?”

“But if people allow you…”

“Well, then I can… unleash? That sense of acceptance gives to me… kind of… freedom?”

_Freedom… of course. That's what he wants as well, of course. The freedom to be himself in full. How could I not get it so far? He reacts to those who can make him feel free to be as he is…How sexy… damn… I want to see this all…_

“What a cute beast we have here, Tobio kun…”

“Don't make fun of me…”

“But…”

“My instinct can also be terrible, you know. It's no joke… at times it makes me just look stupid. I thought I was for a longtime before people opened my eyes and let me fully enjoy who I am…”

_He must talk about Karasuno kids for sure… he did love that team a lot it seems…_

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. There have been times when giving in to my instincts has made me come out tragically… like when we lost the Race of the Sports Club in my first year at Karasuno, because Hinata and I couldn't avoid to race each other instead than exchanging our baton in the anchoring trance…” **NOTE 6**

“No, you didn't…”

“Yes instead. I did it. It was… terrible.”

“From your face now it seems not.”

“Well… It was a shame but also… fun. It was fun to do those things. Even horrible moments… they weren't that bad after all.”

“You loved your team there didn't you?”

“Yes. Karasuno has been… the best place I could possibly be back then.”

Atsumu was envious of the bonds Kageyama had with those Karasuno kids. Sure he also had reunions with his Inarizaki people, but despite loving those guys, he could feel the type of links Kageyama had with the Miyagi boys was different and deeper than his.

His thoughts had to show, because Kageyama jerked his arm, making him snap back.

“Atsumu San… we have finished here. Time to go home? Or… do we shower here?”

The mention of the word shower, intertwined with the slight jealousy Atsumu was feeling about the memories of Kageyama he couldn't be part of, put on Miya's face a shade of pleading look which hit the other setter like a whiplash.  
Kageyama's focused on that face, his senses sharpening, his vision becoming not merely physical but shaping like a skilled intuition he was most used to experience when playing, but which could occasionally make him extraordinarily perceptive in real life, too:

“Say, Atsumu San… you do like girls as well, don't you?”

Atsumu got surprised by the question, and shaking a little he tried to answer like his usual self:

“Of course! I like girls very much. Their softness, their curves… I mean… they can be awesome!”

“Yes. Very much. But then…”

Kageyama's eyes were too deep into him and Atsumu had trouble in bearing them. 

“S…Stop… looking at me this way…”

Kageyama didn't stop.

“Sorry… I am not meant to be confrontational Atsumu san, but as I told you, I am not very good with words or the likes… but I don't want to mistake this…”

“You… don't… want to mistake _this…_ ”

Kageyama's hands had reached out to grab Atsumu's wrists. The older setter jolted.

“I don't. So I have to understand. If you also like girls… why would you let me play with your… body?”

Atsumu choked on his breath. What was that, a parallel universe? Was it truly happening? Was he daydreaming? The ruthless jumping of his heart in his chest was almost hurting.

“When… have I ever told you… any of this?”

Kageyama fixed his eyes even deeper onto Atsumu's face:

“We have talked a lot today. And it's not the first time we had. I enjoyed it. It felt… kind of like when I do it with Alisa. And I remember the other time when I asked you if you’d like to play with me in life, and not only on court, and you seemed to agree you could…”

_Oh shit. He's gone there. Oh shit. Oh wow… he's really gone there…_

“I… yes. I surely could play with you, Tobio kun…”

Kageyama smiled again like he had done that other day, before his best plan had to shatter in front of a pizza slice. Atsumu started to harden, just like he had done witnessing that same smile days before.

“Great. I was fearing I had misunderstood something then. I thought you could never get passive for me… that you wouldn't feel happy if I ever… felt like… you know… distressing with you?”

And in that, in all the mounting excitement for what Kageyama was telling him, in all the building arousal his skinship was making him feel, all of Atsumu's tiny hopes Kageyama would one day agree at being a passive kitten vanished. It was more his kouhai's nature to command anything after all, so it weren't a total out of the blue realization. Onto his face, it had to appear a regretful shade though, as obvious as a written sign, since even Tobio understood Atsumu looked conflicted.

“Atsumu San… are you ok? Am I… crossing a bad line?”

Sighing into mentally registering what Kageyama had actually asked him for, Miya answered, with a firm yet tender breath:

“I am ok. I am…very much okay. You know, Tobio…” and Atsumu leaned forward so that the other could perceive the heat emanating from his body “…so far I have had many desires. I have had many people catching my attention. My nature is a curious one. But… I never truly wanted to connect with anybody the way I wish to get connected with you. It’s not about being with a different beauty… which you also are by the way… it’s…”

Kageyama had twisted his own body to let it dab a little Atsumu's one. His eyes never staving off of Atsumu's.

“It's that you think once united, you will feel happier, don't you?”

“Yes. Not just more pleased. Not just satisfied. Not just…”

“Not _just you as you were before it_ …”

Atsumu's eyes broadened further. That was exactly it. Where did Kageyama learnt all that? He surely wasn't talking about whatever he was having with Alisa.

“Yeah? You get me I see…”

Kageyama nodded. There had been a single moment in his life when he had learnt how to connect with somebody else would completely change the world before his eyes, forever. In that unique moment he had promised to himself he would never hide his own self to those willing to get to know him in full, pros and cons, even if out of that moment nothing else could offspring.

Freedom cannot be denied once you taste it, no matter how swiftly.

“Glad if I do. I am never confident that I can get anybody… but you somehow seem to make me more able to test this, Atsumu San so… if I can look forward in sharing experiences with you… I think it's a good thing, ain't it?”

And saying that, Kageyama had taken his sport bag, which was lying on the ground and on the wall behind where he and Atsumu were, ready to move out of the gym.  
Atsumu had been too overwhelmed to follow suit, so by the time he had also headed out of the gym, with his own bag he had left open and messy back in the lockers, Kageyama had already gone out of sight.

_Good job, Tsumu. He had practically asked you to let him fuck you on the spot, but you let him go. Fuuuuuuuck!!!! Another chance gone… fuuuuck!_

When Atsumu finally had realized he had to get back at their apartment to see if all his luck had been wasted, it was already too late. Sakusa was the one greeting him from their kitchen, eager to inform how Tobio had taken a swift shower and had told him he would meet with his friend Alisa shortly after.

“Seems that you lost a chance, Atsumu. Tobio seemed pretty fixated on going out with her. Think they will have a good night? Tobio has blushed a little when I asked if he were to come back tonight… and he really didn't give me an answer, either.”

Atsumu thought about smashing Sakusa on a wall, but quickly reconsidered it. He couldn't blame anyone but himself for the missed chance.

_I screwed up. I got so worked up I ended spent and slow. Stupid… Stupid Tsumu!!!_

“You know what, Kyoomi? It doesn't matter. Tobio does not love Alisa. I know it because he told me just one hour ago. So whatever is that they are doing, maybe even now, I am not worried. He doesn't love her. But I love him and be sure, one day soon he will love me too. Now excuse me… I have to study. I will eat later, sorry if you took time to set the table for me too, but I am not very hungry right now…”

And picking up his backpack, where among his books he had a number of snacks crushed in between, Atsumu disappeared into his room, where less than half an hour later, he fell peacefully asleep.

The morning after, terribly hungry for having missed a proper dinner, Atsumu went to the kitchen first, to prepare a massive breakfast to make up for what he had lacked the previous evening. After a while, a sleepy Kageyama appeared and the sight of him, clearly after a night spent mostly home, relieved Atsumu a lot.   
But despite that joy, Atsumu realized quickly that Kageyama was nervous that day already after they had started to take their breakfast. The only major thing which could have happened to him since the evening before had to be related with his date and he found himself hoping he had royally fucked up his Alisa encounter.  
Dubious that such a thing could have actually affected Kageyama, Atsumu tried to investigate, finding a wall in Tobio's sleepiness.  
Sakusa joined them around half of their meal, and at the question if he was hungry because he hadn't dined the day before, Atsumu lied and said he just wanted to test new cooking recipes for breakfast.  
At that, Kageyama thanked Atsumu for his experiments adding he hadn't eaten at all the night before.

“I had planned to eat with Alisa at her place but then I got a call and I lost all my appetite and the will to see anybody…”

_Tobio losing… appetite? Is it even possible?_

“What… did happen? Something we can help you with, Tobio kun?”

Sakusa had nodded along Atsumu's words, very concerned as well that a not eating Tobio could exist.

“Thank you guys… and… well, I don't really want to bother you. This is all the usual. I just got to learn again how my family doesn't like anything which I love. I should be used to this… and still it pisses me off way too much.”

Questioned, Kageyama told his roommates how he had told his family about December camp, and how their reaction had been all but flattering.  
Observing the way Kageyama was stoically avoiding any charge in his recount of the conversation with his family, Atsumu felt sorry for him.  
He was trying to look detached and unaffected, but his eyes were sad, and Atsumu hated to understand that sadness had been a long companion in his walking to his dream.

Apparently Kageyama's family was still a strange entity where the only loveable unit beside Tobio had to be his super cool uncle. **NOTE B**  
Maybe the rest of it had something against Tobio's career plans still.  
Either way, Kageyama sure seemed pressured that day, in a way which bordered towards dramatic. Atsumu wanted to ease that load, so as soon as Sakusa had to leave for his morning classes, he suggested to Kageyama they could have avoided theirs, relaxing a bit before their afternoon training.  
Kageyama agreed immediately.  
He seemed grateful he had not to skip his classes alone.  
After having done the morning cleaning routines, the two guys sat on the sofa, trying to be productive and attempting some studying, then almost at unison they looked at one another in searching for a chat instead.

“Wanna vent a bit about it, Tobio kun?”

Kageyama snorted. He didn't feel like he had to. But Atsumu seemed so caring, and he really had a bit of a monkey to throw away, that he started to speak without realizing it at first:

“My family doesn't agree with what I want to spend my life for…”

There was a grimly tone in his words which Atsumu felt like it could shred his soul in pieces. Why was Tobio's family so dull? The boy was the shiniest talent of his generation. He was no match for anybody, and he did know that even too well. Why couldn't they support such a beautiful choice? Why couldn't they trust his will to play? His family had always accepted his own one. They had never said to him he was a shame because he had chosen volley and not a medical career like his twin Osamu. **NOTE C**

“Don't they? But your uncle is super supportive?”

“He is the only one who understood me and my wishes. Since forever…”

“Others… don't?”

From Kageyama's face, it was clear how they didn't. What a stupid family. If they only could see what their stupidity was causing right now…

“It's not like they impose me anything. Nor do they try to dissuade me forcibly… but I know they aren't happy about my dedication to volley. They were probably confiding once in Tokyo, in such a prestigious institution I would have finally changed my mind and become what they think I could…”

“Which is?”

“I have no idea. But I am sure a volleyball pro player ain't it. As I said… they don't oppose any of what I do. But their indifference sometimes is even worse than that.”

Atsumu's heart couldn't stand to witness the silent and dignified pain in front of him. How many years had Tobio spent enduring the ostracism from his nearest people? A bright talent like his… put aside as gullible and useless. How much could have it hurt his lovely soul? All of his social ineptitude… how much of it was in Kageyama's nature, and how much instead had to do with him shielding his soul from more refusals?

“Why are you… telling me this?”

“I think… because you seem to care? You look at me like you do care…”

_Of course I care. Damn, I care more about you than I could have ever imagined I was fit for…_

“I… well…”

Kageyama approached Atsumu. A sleek sliding from his corner of the couch towards the other’s, and for any gap the guy was closing between them, Atsumu was feeling more and more in a slow motioned bliss.

_He’s coming… oh shit… this is truly happening… he’s… here!_

“I am glad we are teammates. I am glad I could tell you this, Atsumu San. I am glad if you care, even if I don't see what is of me which can interest somebody like you…”

Atsumu could bask into the tickling pleasure of his heart skipping bits like it were dancing hip hop for hours.  
The intense rashes of under skin electricity which would give him just looking at Kageyama's eyes from such a vicinity were addictive, and he couldn't wipe off his lips a teasing smirk, because in those moments nothing seemed out of reach for him.

“There are… so many things of you which mesmerize me… instead…”

One little motion more. A deeper voice to color a deeper whisper. And all Atsumu's world had become, it was encapsulated right there in that face before him.

“I thought you were interested only in what I do while I play…”

Atsumu and Kageyama were one onto the other. No signs of embarrassment. No blushing. No stepping back.

“Talking about it…You know, Tobio kun… there's in particular one thing that I admire you for… on the court…”

Kageyama would get eventually to uncover his technique of charming but it was not that single day where he could, and he loved the playful side of Atsumu. He loved his way to never back down when it was about to establish who was going to try and rule first.

“Is… that… so?”

Atsumu invaded plenty of Kageyama's space until not even a thin foil could pass through their chests. His arms circling the other’s back, but without pressure, like they were there to prevent a running away.  
A running which wasn't going to happen.

“Yeah… that particular thing is… The way you are… incredibly zealous and eager to learn…”

Atsumu's hands fell onto Kageyama's toned thighs:

“… until you can't yourself master what you've seen others do…”

Atsumu pressed his hands onto the jersey fabric of the trousers his roommate was wearing, feeling the hardness of Kageyama's muscles, making the other slightly jolt in place:

“…and invariably becoming better than them, at anything…”

Atsumu's hands had slowly but surely reached up to frame Kageyama's pelvis.

“And… what makes you think… I am unaware of… this… Miya San…”

_He’s trapped… his mind’s gone… he's got back to use my surname… oh, damn, how are you adorable…_

“You might be not fully unaware but…”

Atsumu's right hand went over Kageyama's hardening groin.

“… trust me you don't even imagine what I can teach you _here_ …”

“Interesting…”

A sudden and swift move, and Kageyama put his own hand over Miya's, pressing both onto his full blossoming erection. Atsumu looked at him, to find his blue eyes lidded with lust and promises:

“… care about to show me you’re not all talk?”

Atsumu's left hand raised up to cup the base of Kageyama's neck.

“Oh, shit… don't say it twice…”

Kageyama pressed their hands even heavier, making the other feel his size properly. Atsumu hissed, blissfully.

“So… do you care?”

Atsumu's right hand remained alone over Kageyama's crotch.

“Let's go back in one of our rooms…”

_This shape…_

“Sakusa San has two more hours in his class…”

_This thickness…_

“I know…”

_This length…_

“I am not an inexperienced virgin though…”

_I want it…_

“Oh, Tobio… for what I am gonna show you… believe me, you _are_ …”

Kageyama's lips went upward, his eyes darting blue dark flames once more:

“You know what _I like_ the most about you on a court instead?”

And he placed both his hands on Atsumu's face, cutting his breath severely:

“How you are bold, unafraid, and cocky… because…”

And with his thumb Kageyama's outlined Atsumu's lower and fuller lip:

“… never once I found your cockiness misplaced.”

Atsumu caught his breath. 

_Today is the day I die…_

“Tobio… let's go.”

Kageyama stood rapidly. Through his jersey, his arousal was still obvious. When Atsumu rose from the floor as well, they were perfectly matching in every aspect.

“Quick. This time no one will bring pizzas to make this moment crumble, Atsumu San…”

And Miya's heart fully crashed.  
Kageyama never forgot.  
Kageyama would have done all that already that day, too.  
In every regard, that guy was still always a step ahead.  
But now time had approached to try and catch him.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Note 1 to 6** Real occurrences in manga and/or anime, with the specifics of Note 2 referring to the "oniku dance" and the number 3 to the namesake animals of Inarizaki and Itachiyama, the fox and the weasel.
> 
> **Coming of Age Day (成人の日 Seijin no Hi)** is a Japanese holiday held annually on the second Monday of January. It is held in order to congratulate and encourage all those who have reached the age of majority (20 years old) over the past year, and to help them realize that they have become adults. Festivities include coming of age ceremonies (成人式 seijin-shiki) held at local and prefectural offices, as well as after-parties among family and friends.It’s an important rite of passage for all young Japanese and can trace its roots back hundreds of years. In Japan, youth are officially considered adults at the age of 20. As an adult, they’re now allowed to drink, drive, smoke, and gamble legally. The legal voting age, however, was lowered to 18 in 2015. Coming of age ceremonies mark one's coming of age (age of maturity), which reflects both the expanded rights but also increased responsibilities expected of new adults. The ceremonies are generally held in the morning at local city offices throughout Japan. All young adults who turned or will turn 20 between April 2 of the previous year and April 1 of the current one and who maintain residency in the area are invited to attend. Government officials give speeches, and small presents are handed out to the newly recognized adults.
> 
> **For the time table setting of this fiction and of the whole Series comprised of all the four of them, please refer to the previous related notes**.
> 
> **Christmas Time in Japan** Japan has only a very small Christian population, so Christmas wasn’t traditionally a big festival. However, over the past few decades, it’s become more and more common to celebrate Christmas in a uniquely Japanese way. Although Christmas isn’t a public holiday, many workplaces and schools close, and families celebrate it together. Christmas falls in the middle of several other holidays in Japan, in what’s an inevitably busy season. It’s celebrated by many families and kids especially are fond of it, but Christmas in Japan is certainly quite unique.  
>  Christmas in Japan is considered a time of good cheer, but the religious significance of the day isn’t really considered important. As a result, the traditions adopted in Japan are quite different than elsewhere. Like much of the rest of the world, Christmas is considered a special time for kids who have parties with their friends and receive gifts and treats.  
> Many cities will be decorated with lights and trees through December and it’s becoming increasingly common to see Christmas Markets, like you might find in Europe. Shopping malls are decorated and special Christmas-themed products, gifts, and cards are all available.  
>  ** _The 23rd of December is a public holiday in Japan for the Emperor’s birthday, so schools will close and take a short break through to the New Year. Christmas Eve is treated something like Valentine’s Day, with couples giving each other gifts and going out to look at the Christmas lights which are displayed in the centre of towns and cities_**.  
>  New Year is the more traditionally important time in Japan. It’s the time when families come together to share a special meal. The New Year break is celebrated over 5 days, running from December 31st to January 4th.
> 
> **NOTE A, B, C:** referrals to Okurimono's chapters and events.


	5. Blinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Our purposes are directed toward the fulfillment of our desires and the acquisition of what we value… A meaningful life consists of purposive activities that are satisfying either in themselves or in their culminating consummations, which are then followed by new purposes with new consummations relevant to them, and so forth throughout one’s existence.”
> 
> **Irving Singer** , _“The Meaning of Life”_

Their apartment suddenly became wider.  
It wasn’t small in itself, especially considering they were just College students and generally students’ places, for how fancy they could be, had small concessions to corridors or wardrobe rooms, like their own had; but measuring the space of the walls before Kageyama’s single room with their entangled bodies searching for the most heated up friction, it seemed like they had to walk miles, while the house was getting opened up similarly to a flower blossoming around them, making them and their gestures to one another the core of its spreading up.

No more points of reference around Atsumu and Tobio, just a bursting explosion of no more repressed sensations, where moans could be sounding like thunders, and fingers sliding to find more skin could feel like boneless jellyfish tentacles ready to electrify everything.

“My room is the next in line, Tobio... let’s slide... in there...” murmured Miya, mouth dripping after a particularly impertinent kiss from Kageyama, who was grabbing the tufts of his longer and bleached hair from behind to keep their mouths better aligned “...even if it’s a bit messy, we get to mess things up even more anyway, wherever is that we go...”

Sliding with the weight of his body on the right side, pulling Kageyama’s along, Miya made way into his own room, blindly switching on a device which had been left alone on the small console board which was just aside the door into the left wall of his room.

A vintage electro beat started to fill up the space, with a male vocoded voice mumbling and huffing along, before a chorus of multiple feminine voices began to sing along a sensual litany.

Kageyama’s eyes lit up into Atsumu’s.  
Years of English training and his talent for memorizing had finally made him fluent in the Shakespeare’s idiom, and those accents seemed to be quite British, too.

“What’s this... music? So sleek, Atsumu San...”

“It’s unsettling that you keep calling me ‘San’ as we’re doing this, Tobio...”

The two guys had stopped for a while in the middle of Atsumu’s room, enticed mutually by the implications their next actions would hold, quivering with want and curiosity.

“But it just... comes...” quipped Kageyama, grabbing more flesh from Atsumu’s bottom, pressing their bodies again completely together, feeling exactly the situation of each other’s arousal amazingly “...and right now I have troubles thinking too much...”

Atsumu groaned as Kageyama slided his hand down to press at the conjunction of Miya’s hip to his groin, eager to instigate a reaction which was anyway already there, with a mixture of impatience and surprise which was making the other even more excited on his own.

“This way I’ll come too... slow it down, beasty...”

Kageyama caressed his hand’s way peppering upwards from Atsumu’s groin until he felt all of his toned stomach, up and up to place one hand onto Miya’s chest, starting to tease him there, while the chorus of the song was stating “I wanna make you holler, and make you scream my name, I’ll give you rules to follow, so you can play my game: imagine us together, me driving you insane, you will give into me...”:

“So... what about this sultry song?” Kept asking the younger, who had caught just a bit of the words of the chorus, finding them undoubtedly allusive, and then focusing on the sound of Miya’s hitched breathing, had made the song vanish in their surroundings, paying not much attention anymore to its development.

“My mum used to listen to this song a lot. Samu and I for a while thought this was the song she conceived us along, but I guess not, the date doesn’t match... or whatever... but...” Atsumu was having trouble speaking, as Kageyama had started sucking his nipple with surprising dedication and skill “...I always think of you when I listen to it....”

The last bit of answer got swallowed into a surging moan and Atsumu couldn’t understand if he had been able to convey to Kageyama its meaning or its value, but at that point it didn’t matter much.  
As Atsumu said it though, a flash of a different shade of blonde came before Kageyama’s eyes, distracting his hands motioning for a mere blink of an eye.

_Songs... that make you feel... or do...things... accordingly to them..._

Maybe it wasn’t by accident that Kageyama had come to like albeit unconsciously the fact that Atsumu had bleached hair; in that blink of an eye some kind of acknowledgement passed swiftly through his brain.  
He had been used to analyze songs lyrics, not too long before, as well.  
He had been _trained to do so actually,_ not too long before.  
But Kageyama was not the type to overthink, especially when it was time for his senses to take command, especially when his instinct was starting to rule all of his self, blinding him into a heated wave of lust, ready to detonate and shatter all else in tiny, tiny pieces.

“Which part is that makes you think of me then? The one where you claim you want to hear me screaming, or the one where I am supposed to play _your_ game to feel really good?”

Atsumu was sweating in a way which was foreign to him, like the beads forming all over his skin were coming from the pit of his stomach, and could push out of his whole body his huge desire, covering himself in it, making him all sticky off of it.

“The part... oh, man... all of it... all of... it...”

Kageyama had a way to demand for his tongue with his own which was blanking the more experienced Atsumu out. He couldn’t follow his own thoughts, at times, lost in hedonism.  
Who that socially inept kid could transform into once he was following his sexual wishes?  
Where was the innocent and clumsy Tobio he had cherished for so long?  
Who was the hungry demon in front of him there?

It didn’t matter.

Because the Tobio who was in front of him, attached to him, clearly wanting to play with him was beyond all he had dreamed of in months of violent pining after him.  
His august peek even more illustrious and authoritative then than in any match he had seen him play on court, either against or by his side.

“Know this, Atsumu San...”

Atsumu didn’t ask, lost in the color of Kageyama’s eyes which was a shade of blue so deep and dark the whole universe would have fit into it, for any explanation about how his kouhai could alter his state so much once animated by libido, and offered to the other his slit droopy eyes filled with erotic expectations, and a tiny delighted huff.

“... I am not one to follow anyone else’s rules...”

At that Atsumu jolted.  
He knew.  
And _that_ was what was indeed very exciting to him, that was also the reason he treasured Kageyama like he had never treasured any other. The real persona Tobio Kageyama would always be was an imperial kind of specimen. Somebody who could never do anything else but impose himself on others, no matter what.

“Let’s see how this little game of our goes then, Tobio kun...”

And saying that, Miya pushed the both of them to reach a bed which wasn’t exactly well made, and which seemed to bang off once their bodies landed on it.  
Laying on his back, Atsumu was feeling grateful and greedy and amazed for any more caress Kageyama would press onto him, and the more the younger one was pinning him down with kisses and licks, the more Atsumu was being driven mad.  
It was time to come out of all of the remaining of their clothes, and he began to eagerly push down what was caging Kageyama’s exuberance under his belly button, making him squirm a little and put a feet on the ground.

“Atsumu… San…”

“Mmh…?”

Kageyama had stopped a little, and was looking at Miya’s face with an undefinable expression worn on his frontage which the other hoped wasn’t a way to back down, as at that point any form of backing down would have not been accepted calmly.

“This… won't change what we… do on court, right? If it could… I’m stopping it now…”

Atsumu looked better at Kageyama’s frowning face.  
There was something incredibly childish in the way he would look when frowning, something wicked and magical, and Atsumu’s breath hitched slightly witnessing it from such a tiny distance.

“Oh, Tobio… you really are… obsessed…”

The words had come out like a prayer from Atsumu’s mouth, which was a rarity as Atsumu was not the type to pray at all.

“No… answer me… I need to know… before…”

Watching the glint in Kageyama’s eyes, Miya could understand how much he indeed had to know his final word about that matter. Those eyes unused to beg were indeed begging almost for him to assure their bond he was holding dearest, which had to be their playing one of course, would see no post negative effects out from their current taste of lively effort.

“I thought I was obsessed with volley… but you beat me to a pulp there…”

Replied Atsumu, resting on his forearms to stay more comfortably under Kageyama’s body arched over him with the raven haired setter sustaining himself up with hands and arms above him.

“Please… answer me… or let’s stop it now… Atsumu…”

The way Kageyama pronounced his mere name sent Atsumu's arousal to a peak.

“Oh, Lord… look what you do to me…”

Kageyama fell onto his senpai to grind more into Miya's pelvis with the weight of his. Eyes lidded with lust, but still stubbornly convinced in not touching fully the other, not before obtaining his answer from him.

“Assure me nothing will change… because I could live without any of this all of my life… while I couldn't stand even a day without playing. And I really like us playing in the same team, Miya San…”

The surname this time wasn't a confused detachment from Kageyama. Atsumu could read it in the way his blue eye were sparkling. That surname was a tease. A blackmailing ultimatum.  
Atsumu's body was all charged up, needing a full and complete contact with the other’s to satisfy a necessity which had become like breathing to him.  
Hands sliding under Kageyama's firm ass, and circling his lower back, Atsumu pressed the younger man onto himself so inescapably that Kageyama had to breathe in his mouth:

“Nothing will change, Tobio… I promise…”

And while saying it, Atsumu started kissing the curve of Kageyama's neck, uncovering his collar bone, and allusively shuffling on it:

“… contrariwise… this will make us an even better pair on court…”

Kageyama was starting to give in to the full on contact, because by Nature he wasn't good at repressing his instincts, once the last willing barrier he had tried to put up had crumbled:

“Will… it…?”

Atsumu was licking by then the exposed skin of Kageyama's chest, his hands gently keeping his shirt lifted up, and his hair brushing a little on the nipple he wasn't yet teasing:

“Trust me, Tobio. The player I had always played at my best with has been Samu… and I played that well because I am connected with him in a physical way…”

“But you are twins… it’s… differ…”

Kageyama couldn't finish the word. Atsumu had started to nibble and circling his right nipple with his tongue, and his mind had stopped functioning at the stream of good feelings that had immediately bursted in his body. Atsumu had felt it as soon as it had happened, too, and had started to twitch the other nipple with a delicacy which wasn't as gentle as it was promising:

“It is different maybe… but I am sure this kind of physical contact between us… it can and will… rival that…”

Surging from under Kageyama’s chest, Atsumu cupped the raven haired guy’s head and kissed him passionately. He could sense the latest brick of Kageyama's reticent wall fall and shatter the moment the other finally stopped opposing to the deepened contact, his tongue finally coming alive and dancing to intertwine with his own with a sexy frenzy Miya tipped as clumsily addictive as a sip of alcohol for a teetotal virgin would be.

“I bind you to this word of yours then, Atsumu…”

Said Kageyama, grasping Atsumu by the shoulders and moving him out of the bed, pushing him without clues onto the wall, shifting position and opening his legs with his rising knee and deviously smirking before starting to free him and himself from all their pieces of fabric:

“Let's get lost and finding ourselves back again, then… _Miya San_ ”

Atsumu jolted, at once concerned and thrilled by the proximity of his kouhai’s breath.  
“I promise you _you’re never ever_ gonna regret this, Tobio...”

As the two boys stood for an instant, Kageyama took a glance at the older setter caged by his arms, caged but not trapped, with eyes that were not as droopy and lazy anymore, and he felt looking at him that _he truly wanted to do it with him_.

That body of his senpai looked different now that he could see it from so near; and it looked beautiful, and it looked as exciting as Alisa’s one had looked for him the first time they had done it together.  
Atsumu understood the hesitancy in Kageyama was appreciation indeed, and softly teased him by asking if he was liking what he had to offer, as it looked like he did, very much.

“Yeah... I like what I see... the whole of it...”

Kageyama wasn’t a stranger when it came to follow his own desires; he liked the moments where he would allow himself to unleash and come undone.  
But all of his other experiences until that moment never had the taste of the forbidden etched into them.  
Maybe it was the way Atsumu had spoken.  
Maybe it was the way those eyes of his seemed to _allude_ and _invite_ him at breaking all of the schemes he had thought to know.  
Maybe it was the way he seemed self assured even then, even there, caged and blocked by his arms and body, like that was actually the state he had expected and wanted most in his life.

“And... I am not one who regrets stuff...”

Atsumu kept holding the sight:

“I know. That’s why I really want you... let’s experiment together, the limitless pleasures our age can offer...”

Kageyama hissed.   
That was it.  
That was the undefinable quid which Atsumu had which was drawing him in like a moth to a flame.  
Atsumu _wanted him_.  
Not like Alisa, although it might have seemed similar the way they both looked like craving his body and mind.  
Atsumu wanted him to become _with him_ something more along the way.  
With Alisa he had learnt things and liked things which were part of the manual, part of the playbook.  
All good and fun, all incredibly good and fun, but without that quid which Atsumu could provide.  
Atsumu wanted him, but not like Alisa.  
And not like...

_He looks different from what Kei looked like back then. It’s... scarier. It’s less warmth, and more burn..._

“Ehi, ehi... look at me now... Tobio...”

And Miya pressed heavily against Kageyama’s body, just to remind him, who had seemed to wander out for a moment, what was at stake for them in those minutes; feeling their erections from under their boxer briefs still worn by both clashing and gaining hardness from it, Kageyama came back in that room with his whole being, and realized the there and then.

The blinking light passing through Kageyama’s pupils excited Miya immensely.  
It had to be a fraction of a second, but he had been able to catch it up nevertheless.  
Instead of blushing due to it, Atsumu became even bolder, heating up and demanding satisfaction not by wording his want, but merely by licking his lower lip, focusing his eyes on Kageyama’s whole mouth.

The clear signal sending the other guy in overdrive, and making him grab Miya’s wrist and dragging him into his desk, making the books and pens over it fall down like leaves, breathlessly and without words, like both their lives could get completely unmade if the wrong syllable had been spoken by either one of them then.

Pure instinct of consenting animals, smelling one another and finding confirmations from there.

Kageyama pushed Miya quite unceremoniously back on the bed and the elder toppled a bit backwards, falling with his behind flat and finding himself mounted up by a very lustful junior once more.  
The sight of Kageyama’s face then, a bit flustered, but still with indescribably imposing eyes, made the southern guy’s heart skip several beats.  
He didn’t want to feel submitted, though he probably was, so Miya grabbed the hem of Kageyama’s briefs and pulled them half down, glancing down and smirking at the sight of his no more constricted member already leaking after marking his underwear profusely.

“Mmmh... cute...”

Kageyama growled.  
To be called “cute” was one of his pet peeves.  
Atsumu knew it, and when the other frowned, he simply slided down to press his cheek on the side of his lover’s hardened cock.  
Then, with studied motion, he slowly turned and then the part of his face touching Kageyama’s member became no more Atsumu’s cheek, but his mouth.

A repressed moan came out from Kageyama’s lips when Atsumu, then in full control, pulled down the younger’s boxer briefs fully to let all of his penis escape the fabrics.

“Wow... it really is as beautiful as I had guessed in its hard state...”

And not waiting for Kageyama’s words after his own, Atsumu freed completely Kageyama’s manhood and began to lick it with abundance of spit, making the other whimper and cut the wail almost at the same time.

“Tobio... don’t shut your voice... please... let me be proud for I can make you feel this good...”

Kageyama’s senses were in full bloom: each one of Miya’s slurps on his length increasing the size and the stiffness of his member, each shuffle on its tip making it throbbing like it were experiencing a life on its own, and each passing on the little peehole of Miya’s thumb capable to weaken and strengthen at once the whole of his body.  
For how much Kageyama wanted to not scream, any of Atsumu’s actions on him were making him the more and more unable to deal with them through will.

“Scream... scream for me, Tobio...”

And whispering that, Atsumu opened his mouth from in between Kageyama’s opened legs on the bed, and began to swallow the entire length and width of his cock into it, pausing a little to avoid the gag reflex, but never stopping his careful tasting on the way.

When he had reached his maximum capacity, he caressed Kageyama balls, which had shifted fully in their sexed up position, and squeezed them while allowing the tip of Kageyama’s swallowed dick to have a tiny space to move into his mouth to drip out some more.

Kageyama’s loud moan filled up the room, and Atsumu’s heart crashed and Atumu’s penis grew enough to escape his own controlling impulses.

Taken by his will, Kageyama started to thrust into Atsumu’s mouth, without even realizing it.

Atsumu allowed a couple of thrusts, then he had to release the other for catching his breath, and the sudden chill onto Kageyama’s liberated member made him come back on Earth, cheeks on fire and mouth dried inside, but wet under the tongue.

“Whoaaaa...”

Exclaimed the pair almost at the same time, panting and trying to calm down.  
Their skins needing to be in complete and egotistical contact after having been fully exposed, increasing the different forms of excitement for any new slicking sound they would produce in the rubbing.

Atsumu was about to ask Kageyama if he had liked his little show, but when his eyes crossed Tobio’s, he lost trace of how to properly move mouth to verbalize his thoughts: he had slided down from in between Kageyama’s legs after his blowjob, and to get free from the remaining of his trousers and socks he had momentarily sat on the floor aside the bed. Standing back up, he had turned to look at Kageyama, and the image of his, one leg standing, one bent on the bed, naked in almost full glory and very much totally excited still by what he had performed on him, stole his vision and reasoning and left him unable to say or think anything beside the fact that had to be the sight Greek Gods used to admire while looking at themselves in mirrors.

Kageyama was looking at him from up his shoulder, and his aroused face was so sensual Atsumu felt his cock filling itself up with a kind of energy he had never known to possess.

Taken by an uncompromising need of _touching_ what his heart desired and his brain admired, Atsumu moved to be in contact of the skin which was making his soul flare, and approaching a still panting Kageyama he just murmured he wanted nothing more than to experience a final bang together.

With way more consideration than the blunt gesture Kageyama had reserved him before, Miya made the younger setter fall backside onto the bed; whispering he would not shove him down, like he had done instead previously, Atsumu resurged his trademark smirk back to tease his junior, making him realize the difference in sexual experience between them two was way larger than just the few months of difference their birth certificate had been printed with.

The murdering light laser-ing out from Kageyama’s eyes then made Miya’s satisfaction even bigger. He was stating a fact, and Kageyama was coming to terms with it, despite not liking being behind at anything.

“See, Tobio kun... if you let me do my thing, you’ll be happy... you’re gonna be the happier you’ve ever been...”

“I... am at my happiest...”

And Kageyama wanted to say “on court”, but Atsumu shut him off with a kiss which wasn’t the kind of kiss anybody tries to interrupt.  
Atsumu _knew and felt_ what would have been the ending of Kageyama’s sentence; but he didn’t want to hear it.  
He knew.  
Volleyball was his thing, and his only thing but... just for those moments, just for that hour, he wanted to delude himself with the assumption he could be Kageyama’s _everything_ , the only need for Tobio’s mind, body, soul and heart, as a whole.

_Let me complete you, even if you don’t realize you’re incomplete... Tobio..._

Before starting again with an even deeper kiss, Atsumu stopped, gazing at Kageyama, whose lips remained slightly parted, as if he were judging the aftertaste on them; their breathing all over each other’s faces, and in both the urge of keeping up kissing.

_Oh, Tobio... you are indeed a kissing machine then..._

Kageyama suggestively lowered his sight onto Atsumu’s lips, and it was his turn to take the lead at tasting tongues. Atsumu went with the tide, surprised by the quickness and the force Kageyama would use while willingly taking his mouth, exploring it in depth and making him exhale soft yet pleased sighs.

The forceful grace of Tobio Kageyama was the same in his way to kiss as in fact was his style of playing on court.  
A supreme elegance, matched by an even more supreme type of power which nobody could oppose any will to.

Coming no objections from Miya, Kageyama went on and on, twisting his wet tongue and pressing into the other’s mouth, sucking all that was there sensually enough to hypnotize his partner, making him lose boundaries the more the kiss was prolonging itself.

As Kageyama was sucking on his tongue, Atsumu felt his limbs liquify and all his feelings converge where Kagayama’s body had risen up to fraction his.  
The more Kageyama was kissing him, brushing against the inmost part of his mouth and making him feel on fire, the more he was also arching his own pelvis to let it touch Atsumu’s one.  
Shuddering and breathing while trying to speak, Atsumu tried to not give his guard totally up; not yet, as he wanted still to keep the leading role, no matter who would have in the end topped the other.

“Ehi, you... slow down or this won’t last much longer...”

Kageyama didn’t slow down in the slightest, taking in his hand the both of their erections, starting to pump up and down, pleased to feel not only his own veins popping there, but even more Atsumu’s ones.

“I wanna hear the way you scream while you come, Atsumu San...”

_You really don’t like to lose, Tobio... Do you..._

“Don’t say that while wearing a grimace instead than your face, Tobio...” replied Atsumu while bending to suck on Kageyama’s earlobe, gaining a huffed and hitched breath from him “ask me for it with more gentleness... and I will comply...”

And following his own predicament, as Kageyama was slowing down his fist, making the double masturbation on their cocks more of a slow burn than an explosion, Miya began to cherish with his lips and tongue the collarbone of his junior, sliding with levity on the side of his chest to nibble on his left nipple, causing the rhythm of the other’s handjob to break and stutter, as the dwindling sensibility of Kageyama’s skin was moving from his hand to his chest.

“Miya... San...”

_You are adorable... you’re losing yourself... aren’t you Tobio?_

“Yeah? Doesn’t it feel good?”

Kageyama closed eyes while exhaling a puffing breathing, his hair caressing his meddled forehead, beads of sweat sliding down his reddened face, like precious and ephemeral pearls of joy:

“It... does...”

Atsumu couldn’t resist at the vision of beauty below his eyes, and took his chance to kiss back Kageyama, rowdy, passionately, and getting back from him as much as he was pouring into the very deep kiss.

“Tobio kun... do you know... how to...” was the temptation ask Miya was trying to put off his mouth as he was keeping kissing Kageyama while placing on top off him, both of them painfully hard and leaking, yet the both of them just too into the kiss to decide where to head from there.

“I... do...”

And then Kageyama surged enough to bend one arm and sustain his body with that, the other taking Atsumu’s head quite violently to glue their mouths together, and making Miya’s strength and resistance sap away like cherry blossom petals shaken by a roaring wind announcing a powerful storm. Weakened by the other’s will, Atsumu forgot his plan to try and gain the topping stance in that first merging of them. Lost in lust, he just thought he had to not peak too soon to maintain his ego intact, and gave in at being toyed with by somebody who was less experienced, but at least as intrigued and as keen at performing as he had hoped he would be, even though he had hoped he would show all that as his precious kitten and not as his willful master.

But there was no way the eyes Kageyama was piercing into his by then would be accepting a submissive role.

And Atsumu gave up.

“Then okay... if you want it...if you... _want me..._ ” The bristling flame in Kageyama’s orbs muted Atsumu for enough to make him stutter afterwards, as Kageyama’s fingers had started to part his butt cheeks before starting to tease his hole entrance with attention and what one could have named care, if the younger’s eyes had allowed to think somebody with that preying gaze could excercise anything like it. “... then take me, Tobio...”

And Kageyama tried to remember what he had been told once, in a messy, unforgettable and wonderful night, about the way males prepare each other to be penetrated.  
He put all of his attention and care and with fingers slick in fresh lube he began to open Atsumu up, making each further pressure a lovingly tease and a dedicated gesture, pleased to hear Miya change the way his moans would sound while getting to tell him if he was hitting a good spot or not.

Words became useless in the midst of their preparation for conjunction.  
The room started to host a series of expressive and joyful sobs, a sinful yet amazing chant of pleasure, until Tobio felt it was enough for him to attempt to unite with Atsumu.  
He forgot to ask about it, but the way Miya looked at him, eyes slit and tearing up, a beautiful shade of red painting the whole of his body heated fully up just pushed him to the final edge and he slid his cock into Atsumu’s hole, crying incomprehensible howls of ecstasy into the heavy air of the room as he was pushing all of himself into his senpai.

“Oh, my...” huffed Tobio, forced to stop midway by the way the other had squeezed him at one point “you are... so amazingly tight...”

Atsumu let out a raptured scream, feeling full and fully happy, past the point of hurt and into a paradise of senses nodding at Kageyama to go on, and try to reach his most pleasurable point: “please... keep moving... this is... so good...”

Without checking if Atsumu’s words were complimentary or just a facade, Kageyama started to push into him, keeping his butt open with a firm grasp, and trying to curve a bit his thrust to reach where he thought Miya’s prostate may have been.

Kageyama wanted in a corner of his mind to try to be gentler, but the inexperience at the new type of sex and the amount of euphoria each ass squeeze from Atsumu had him feel and jolt were numbing his best and most considerate part and were leaving him to deal only with his most animalistic and primary side.

Hopefully Atsumu would understand; and after all, he was moaning so much, and his dick was so pent up and ready to cum he had to feel very good too, in the end.

“Tobio... it’s there... it’s almost there...”

Miya’s voice was a breathing beg, and Kageyama reacted to it immensely, curving to kiss him and sliding one hand down to pump Atsumu’s cock while he was trying to finally reach his own climax by attempting that prostate hitting as well.

As the firmness of Atsumu’s cock in his hand felt heating up and trembling out, Kageyama felt his own member being crunched by the whole of Atsumu’s ass at once, and they both felt pleasure expand in their bodies like waves of sliming lava were sprouting everywhere inside their bones, making them vanish along into the most extraordinary and satisfyingly squashing weakness.

Then Kageyama collapsed onto Miya’s body, the both of them panting and feeling elated and spaced out, unable to say a word or to open their eyes for a few minutes, completely won over by a triumphant and buzzing, never tasted before kind of glee.

When their forces came back, Kageyama tried to free his senpai from his body, but he felt Atsumu’s arms circling his back from below, and a loved up voice telling him to remain for a while where he was.  
The unexpected tenderness in Miya’s voice hit Kageyama deeply, and although he never had liked to feel sweaty, not to mention dried up, after sex, he allowed Atsumu’s wish and remained for a while into his arms, feeling curiously content about it.

Taking a glance at the digital lamp-clock on Atsumu’s bedside table, Kageyama tried to remind him they would have to take a shower before risking to be found out in that state by Sakusa.  
Atsumu thought he would have actually liked that situation, just to present his rival with his overwhelming victory in the battle for Tobio’s heart, but then he realized immediately that would have cause endless troubles for him, and quite a painful stress for Kageyama, and said to him they could have taken a shower together.  
The younger approved, but at one condition: Miya shall not try to transform their shower in another sexed up game.

“We don’t have time for it, ok?”

Atsumu pouted, but promised to be a good boy.

They took their shower, and without telling one another, as they were washing their bodies both on their own and mutually, they couldn’t avoid to focus on the parts of the other’s skin where they had placed kisses and attempted to transform the licking into sucking, finding over the texture of the other’s skin small traces of marks which for their luck no one else would have been able to spot in a sporty bath or in a cellar shower during the subsequent days.  
They felt relieved, somehow.  
And they also felt let down, somehow.  
Sexual desires were complicated and tricky, after all.  
After the shower, they tried to air up Miya’s room and to put it back in a decent state, and then the physical efforts they had indulged in demanded for their bodies to be replenished with energy, so they moved to the kitchen and Atsumu began to serve some food, partly to be heated up, partly newly made.  
Sitting in front of one another, while eating, they began to chat.

“What do you… truly like, Tobio?”

“In which way? I like… many things?”

To start conversations up with Kageyama would never be the easiest thing to do, and Atsumu sighed realizing it once again, despite the fact they had just been so into one another and so open with one another just half an hour before.

“What gets you? What makes you… willing to do… this?”

Kageyama’s answer made it hard to distinguish between what would have sounded as a sporty declaration of intents and what he was looking forward in a partner.

“I suppose I just like to fight and… see what comes? I don't really think much about this. It happens. I guess those who dare to put up a worthy fight with me…that can catch my whole being. The battle. The effort… then that… kind of explosion when everything blows up and gets me further up and on. I like the motion, the thrill of discovery… and to walk on that thin line between love and hate, between longing and dismissal….”

As it would sometimes happen when Kageyama would let his mind speak itself up quickly, he would be very suggestive and fascinating in his explanations. Whenever Kageyama would feel completely at ease and accepted, he would come up with amazing philosophical explanations and theories about life, the world and himself.  
Not that he would be able to understand how his words would sound to others’ ears, but maybe that was something even better for the listeners, who would get to be exposed to his peculiar mind without filters and without self consciousness nor arrogance.

“That sounds a lot like… passion?”

“Passion? Who knows. I don't… I just… follow the stream of my impulses and I go.”

That was very true. Atsumu could relate a lot with that as well. He understood Kageyama was actually answering to his question from a relationship and the likes point of view, so he took the chance to try to understand him better there and kept the conversation going on:

“But then you also like girls don't you? I also do… so it's not like I need explanations there. But I wonder… is it different what you may like about them? Because for sure with them it can’t happen like in a fighting thrill?”

“You mean they’re different because they have boobs and you don't?”

“You are gross…”

“But it's true? And I think I like boobs very much actually…”

“Wanna get punched in the face?”

“No. I just answered. You did ask me so don't get angry for what was your own curiosity. And by the way…”

Atsumu was pouting. He couldn't deny boobs were awesome. He loved their bounce a lot too.

“… your body is beautiful too, if I have to speak about things I like.”

And there Atsumu's heart broke for good.

“Damn you… you’re way too cute to say that with such an impassive face, you stupid kid…”

Kageyama loved to see Atsumu unable to finish his sentence, face completely lit up in a fire. He looked very charming that way, and he thought he would have liked to see that kind of face from him a lot more.

“But it’s also true, so there no shame if I admit your body captivates mine. Even if you have no boobs.”

Atsumu, head into his plate, asked:

“It means you're after girls just for their boobs?”

“No. Of course not. And it’s not like I have had girls and girls… but what I like from them might as well be… a sort of normality?”

Atsumu's face resurged from his food, his usual pent up smirk in full display:

“There you go… welcome back formulaic Tobio kun…”

“Normality is safe though. I like it. It makes me… feel relaxed I guess.”

“And you need it? That kind of relax?”

Kageyama frowned, but it was a calm, pensive frown with no trouble attached:

“Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I need to calm down completely and get recharged.”

Atsumu scrunched his nose at his lover. The smug face which was the first thing Kageyama had noticed of him. Even after so much time, that kind of face was still a question for him to solve. He liked it because it was a source of revolution in his life.

“I don't. I am always full on. And I don't like tranquillity and I don't give a fuck about normality and I don't look to relax anytime soon. Passion is everything for me. So…”

And Atsumu's foot went up over Kageyama's groin, instantly making the other boy alerted and aroused.

“…round two?”

Kageyama's eyes became hawking and lidded with lust. But a sudden acknowledgement trained into his pupils and he shook his head, his beautiful silky hair moving accordingly from one side to the other, releasing the scent of the shampoo he had just used to wash them clean:

“You promised to be a good boy…”

Atsumu’s pout became a sullen look.

“I know. I know... Damn Kyoomi. I’ll make him pay for this...”

Kageyama looked at him with a bad stare, and Atsumu stopped to talk.

“Sakusa San has no fault. And you better _never_ tell him about any of this...”

Atsumu felt wounded, but then he got a major inspiration from all the observations about Kageyama he had made over the months:

“Sure, sure I won’t. But what if he asks about... us? Kyoomi can be super perspicacious you know...”

_What would you do then, Tobio? Would you confess? Do you understand there’s nothing normal about the way Kyoomi looks after you?_

“Mmh... Well...” Kageyama had his chin in his hand, and he was seriously thinking about Atsumu’s question. “If he would ever ask, of course we would tell him. There’s nothing bad about this we’ve done. But let’s not flaunt this in his face. Sakusa San is... a very unique person. He seems to be very sensitive, and I would never ever do anything to make him feel uneasy around me...”

_Tobio... you stupidly pure cinnamon roll! You really think Kyoomi could feel uneasy if he would learn you can love a man? You really think THAT would be the problem? You naive creature... for him the only problem would be that you’ve been intimate with ME, not that you’ve been intimate with a guy! How blind can you be when you admire someone? Kyoomi is a manipulative weirdo and none of the sensitive guy you think about..._

“If you say so...”

The condescending tone of Atsumu got lost in translation for Kageyama, who was already putting his dirty dish in the dishwasher.  
Atsumu clicked his tongue and just then Sakusa stepped into the apartment, greeted by Kageyama as it would usually happen.  
The spiker seemed to not detect any singularity in his behaviors, nor in Miya’s ones, and asking if the bathroom was ready for use, at the positive answer, he took his chance to refresh and get ready for the evening, all in complete obliviousness of his roommates new relationship.  
As Sakusa went into the bathroom, Atsumu asked Kageyama what the two had to consider each other like.

“I know you only are in a relationship with volley... but then what about us?”

Kageyama inspected his senpai with his most effective sight, then said:

“I told you... I cannot be in a relationship. I am not with Alisa, I can’t be with you either. So you feel free to have your life as you had before. Only... if...” Atsumu had moved to be in front of Kageyama, eyes full of desire once again, making it difficult for the younger one to keep speaking as nothing had happened between them “... if you... ever feel like you want again...”

Atsumu swiftly caressed Kageyama’s cheek and the other’s face reddened up:

“I will surely want this again... heck... I’d want a replay even now, here...” explained Atsumu with unmissable longing “so take out the ifs, and just tell me how can I consider this... this we have...”

Kageyama swallowed his saliva, and gaining his best composure back, he said they would have certainly found other ways to play together, when possible and when in need of downloading. But if there would ever be a spat on court due to it, or if Atsumu would ever grow too much emotional attachment to him, enough to compromise their relationship on court, he would never ever touch him again, or allow the reciprocal, either.

“Let’s leave it here, Atsumu. Let’s just have it known that we can have multiple ways to relieve our stress out from one another, and see how it goes without putting labels on stuffs...”

Atsumu, who had spent years of fights along Osamu and learnt through them how sometimes victories had to be postponed to let them happen in a solid way, decided to put up a good front and enthusiastically matched Kageyama’s idea about what they would be like from that point onwards regarding one another, putting special care in never let the other one guess how far from his wishes was the fact they could let their lives go on completely unaffected by their reciprocal attraction.  
Once back in his room, Atsumu sent a vocal message to his twin, simply informing him in the end he had been right, and that he and Tobio had finally done it together.  
Osamu tried to call immediately his brother but the call got refused, with a texted message explaining to the elder twin that Atsumu couldn’t risk to be heard while speaking about that to not cause Sakusa become aware of the developments of that day between him and Kageyama.  
The amounts of happy emojis the text got finished with let the twin remained in Kyoto assured his noisy worst spit imaged brother had never been happier in his life, and so he became quite more joyful too.  
The subsequent week went full of sexual encounters between the two setters of Itachiyama Volleyball College Club.  
After practices, they would remain a bit longer than the rest to perfect their double stopping toss, the special weapon their team had been mastering since a while, causing no concerns about it in any of their teammates nor coaches, Sakusa included.  
Then after the practice, they would indulge plenty in sexy showers, where they would invariably end doing the full course of sex together.  
The more the two would connect as lovers, the better they would perform on court, just as Atsumu had predicted it would have happened.  
The more the two would do it together, the more Kageyama would enter in mental connection with Atsumu, making his plays completely tailored out of Miya’s moods which he would more and more be able to decode, instead than merely guessing.  
A week after their first encounter, they had the chance to have the apartment free, as Sakusa had a lecture which would have kept him away from it for a couple of hours after the volleyball training.  
To use that free time in their bedrooms for having fun instead than studying wasn’t even an option: both setters just had to look at one another to feel that they _truly_ wanted just one thing out of those spare hours, and following through that unspoken need, they quickly began to undress each other.  
There was a battle for control whenever they would get more time allowance for their sexual games which was reminding Kageyama of his first ever sexual homoerotic experience, and while thinking of it, a smile illuminated his face, making Atsumu's unaware heart missing beats, confiding to be the reason for it.

“Know what I find rather amusing?”

“I love when you open up, Tobio… of course I’d like to know…”

“I love when somebody tries with all their might to control me. They won't ever be successful there but… the fact they may try… it excites me a lot.”

Atsumu could not understand why Tobio had said that to him, as yet he hadn’t even tried to gain the upper hand in their match up that day, and he just thought the younger was putting his hands ahead to make immediately the set up clear, and being very eager to please him, he just nodded, starting to finger himself allusively and inviting Kageyama to take him soon and rough, just like he had already understood the other liked things especially.  
Atsumu was bold in sex just like he was on court, and that rashness, unitedly with a seemingly endless perverted creativity could make Kageyama crave sex along him way more than he would have supposed to at the start of their unexpected pairing up.  
Each time after sex, then, the two would speak about themselves, or better, Atsumu would question Kageyama to get to know him more and more, obtaining from the other, benevolently woozy after the profusion of energies, invariably amazing answers.

“What do you look for in a lover Tobio? And I know we aren’t lovers... but whatever we are... what do you look for in another person to get aroused by them?”

“I’d say…qualities that I don't have which I admire or which I want to get myself… and this values independently from the fact I can be attracted sexually to them...”

Atsumu chuckled, hand lazily over Kageyama’s chest, his body along the other’s, entangled with no constriction but with mutual willingness and appreciation.  
The bed which had been abused that time had been Tobio’s.

“And… what is that you see in me then?”

Straight and without hesitation, Kageyama replied, stiffing a bit under Atsumu’s mouth, as the other had started a trail of peppery kisses on his exposed chest.

“Your creativity… it’s amazing.”

Surprised by the immediate answer, Atsumu raised his head from Kageyama’s pectorals:

“But you have it yourself?”

“Do I? Like yours? Don't think so… the creativity you have is magnificent.. and I do love it very much.”

_God you’re so adorable... so pure... I could never confess these things this open way for first..._

“And… if I may ask…”

“Just do it?”

“What was that you liked in glasses kun back in Karasuno? Because you sure did like him, right?”

Kageyama felt his heart expanding. How he did like Tsukishima. He really did like him a lot. How Atsumu could have guessed about them, that wasn’t clear, and he did not try to either confirm nor deny they had shared more than just positions on the same team:

“He is… one of the smartest people I have ever met, and will forever be one of the smartest I will get to meet for all the rest of my life...”

Atsumu then quivered. Kageyama reckoned his uneasiness, and thinking it was about Tsukishima, he cleared his way how he shouldn't worry about him.

“That was not it… And I don’t care what you feel for glasses kun or what is that you might have felt once... those are not my concerns at all. I just reckoned you cared a lot about glasses kun back when you were teammates, and for the life of me I could never understand why, since he has always seemed to me a smug asshole...”

“He definitely was never someone easy to deal with. But still... he is probably the smartest person I know...”

Atsumu looked pained so Kageyama bent his head to touch his cheek with his own, a gesture so compassionate and tender Atsumu felt happier than he thought he could have in life, making his courage blossom back in him enough to ask:

“Then what is that you like so much in Oikawa? I thought you considered him very smart too... but if he’s not the smartest for you, then why whatever he says or does you seem enchanted by him?”

“Oikawa… san is…”

Kageyama had tensed up, and Atsumu felt it with his skin before he did see it with his eyes. A part of him started to regret to have asked that question, but his truest nature, his uncompromising curiosity, in the end had to prevail, so he tried to obtain nevertheless a sort of answer from Kageyama without putting him in the unwanted position of starting to question what Oikawa could truly represent for him beside the fact he was his first and original senpai.

“I know there was never anything between you two. For the love of God, and it never must but..  
You certainly sees something in him I can't. I need to know what it is…”

Kageyama nodded. It was clear the question wasn't bothering him in the way Miya had for a second feared it would have, but Atsumu had also clear how he couldn't see how suffering it was for him instead to ask such a thing.

“Oikawa San is… perfect to me.”

Atsumu audibly groaned, and tried to escape Kageyama's arms. The younger guy looked at him with the most innocent eyes. Of course he would not understand why Atsumu's heart had just blown up inside. He had just answered bluntly and sincerely. Damn Tobio. Too pure for this world. Too wildly and awkwardly sensual for it, too.

“You have the worst taste about him, honestly. He is all but perfect, that full of himself vain guy…”

Kageyama chuckled fondly. And his fondness directed clearly at him was everything to Atsumu, so the older setter stopped to fight his junior’s embrace and settled back into Tobio’s arms, tied in to secure Atsumu into his chest.

“I know… he is far from perfect but… he is the first human being I have laid eyes on whom I thought was perfect. If I think about that moment in time… my whole being rejoices…”

Atsumu tried to shrug the confession off.

“Blind convictions of a kid, I suppose…”

Kageyama nodded.

“He was jump serving, the first time I looked at him. And that jump… that form… still beauty and perfection etched into me, up to this day...”

“But you mean all... in _volley only,_ right?”

Kageyama suddenly reckoned what had been to bother Atsumu for real about Oikawa, and his eyes widened even more, his embrace tightening on the older setter:

“Of course. What were you imagining there? I could never... he... could never... oh, man, please! Oikawa San is a consummated playboy. He would never ever do this?”

Atsumu avoided to reply that wasn’t the point.  
And he was a playboy as well, so that had no value at all, either.

_It’s not about that, Tobio... it’s not about him not being available... it’s not about him being into males or females... it’s not about HIM. It’s about YOU, it’s about what you would do if you could have a taste of him... would you go for it? Would you go for him? Would you... go for him... instead of... ME?_

Preoccupied with his thoughts, Atsumu went stiff into Kageyama’s arms, enough that the other realized something had gone wrong.  
But instead of speaking his way into Atsumu’s ears, Kageyama began to kiss his way there.  
Progressively melting the resistance of Atsumu, and vanishing all of his hard questions into moans.

“Atsumu San... you seem tense...”

“I am... not... if only... you have been...”

“You are... so let me ease you better...”

At that, Miya chased away his doubts and his fears, thinking all which had to count for him, and between them, had to be there and then only.  
There was no point guessing about externalities.  
Life was there to be lived fully.  
And that was what he had always wanted to do.

“Please... do it, Tobio... do me...”

And switching one over the other, the two boys started once more their playful pleasure game.

“.. do me... with all of you...”

And Kageyama, ever the performer, did.

_This is life_ thought Atsumu as he came, sprouting happily onto the floor, as Kageyama was having him on all fours in the end, _this is what makes me whole and satisfied..._

And twisting his torso to claim his lover’s mouth as he also was coming inside of him, Atsumu shut down from his head and heart all which could have tainted his perfect joy.

_This is life. And life right now, is the most amazing one I could have hoped to have. So I better stop painting it dark with useless fears and baseless suppositions. What I love... whom I love... is and will be even more mine from now on... I have all the time in the world, so bless my own world..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an unusual very **NSFW** type of chapter for me, so I don't have much notes about it beside the fact it is... a very unusual type of chapter for me ;).  
> It is still a very important and mattering milestone for not only Ikigai story arc, but in the WHOLE of a Genius' Journey series to have this kind of affective (?) evolution/development (???) at this point of the story for the protagonist (who's not really very affectively involved, but that's exactly the point of the whole series, to let unaffective Kageyama find his own way to be so).  
> Take it as it is, conscious that of course, being me neither male nor versed in not etero stuff, I can't have "exactly" in mind what sex between consensual males feels like.  
> I toyed a bit with imagination and projection from a female point of view and I also asked my very communicative boyfriend what is that males feel when they feel good. That also may not be what gay lovers feel, but at least a male knows better the physical part of a male's satisfaction process (and that's good to know also for me, as a female lover right?).  
> So take this chapter with a grain of salt and hopefully enjoy it... ^.^
> 
> **Holler** _Song by the Spice Girls, year 2000_ it's a song I have a vague memory of when I was a kid and my brother used to play music with his friends when he was ten or something and I was like 5. I liked the element-like video I remember to have seen back then even though I had no idea about the meaning of the lyrics (neither had my bro I hope...). It has happened that I listened to it a few months ago and I recalled the feeling towards it I had in my kid times, then I _listened_ to the lyrics with my current knowledge and I HAD to use it for some of my fanfiction chapters, so there you go ;)  
>  It's not my type of music, but it truly fits the story in this chapter:  
> 


	6. Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **  
> **  
> _"This survival of the fittest, which I have here sought to express in mechanical terms, is that which Mr. Darwin has called 'natural selection', or the preservation of favoured traits in the struggle for life."_  
>   
> 
> Herbert Spencer, (Principles of Biology, 1864)

The morning at JR Station was cold and wet.  
Up on the dedicated platform of their Hikari Shinkansen, the recruits of Itachiyama College Volleyball Club were amassed like pretty purple sculptures, each with a different shade in their expressions, much like they were all the Saints in Leonardo’s Last Supper.  
As the bullet train stopped, they remained still, allowing first the passengers on the train to step down, and then the cleaning service to do their duties, before stepping in the wagon themselves.

“Why ain’t all the team up to this, coach?”

“Not all of the team gets to train at the same places, Miya. We don’t have the deepest bench in all Collegiate Volleyball for nothing. That’s why you guys can also go to New York soon, while some of your teammates play the first games in the Intercollegiate Tournament. Now go sit down at your place, and shut up a bit will ya?”

Taking a look at his ticket, Miya Atsumu groaned.  
He was in the single seat at the bottom of the wagon.  
Immediately his eyes wandered around to catch where Kageyama had been placed.  
He caught him pushing his luggage above his head; he was also in a single place, on the other side of the wagon.

“At least he ain’t with Kyoomi...” murmured Atsumu.

Sakusa and Komori were seated one in front of the other, aside their coaching staff.  
Anyone seemed pretty sleepy, which was understandable since it was not even 6 am.

“We’ll be arriving in Kyoto in 2 hours and 40 minutes, so if you afford a bit more of a nap that’d be good guys. The wagon is all for us, but that doesn’t mean it’s ours. Carry yourselves impeccably, or you’ll pay for it. Have all a quiet break until the stepping off.”

“Almost three hours? I’d have to study but I guess I’ll just snore off a bit then...”

And curling into a ball, head rested on the window, Atsumu decided he couldn’t care less to catch any sight outside the fast road the bullet train would have offered to the passengers traveling.

On the other side of the wagon, Kageyama had taken off his luggage a book. Pen into his mouth, hanging lazily, he was determined to finish two more chapters of it to save contents for his incoming due paper, which he wanted to submit in time before leaving for the U.S.A.. Though he was loving the field of study he had chosen, it was not certainly a walk in the park to keep his results up to what he had to obtain. For how much he had gotten better at studying, studying had never been easy for him at all.  
Frustrated at a couple of pharagraphs he had trouble shortening, he sighed.  
At the motion, the pen he was holding between lips fell over his thigh, then down on the pavement and disappeared under the seat.

“Great...”

Trying to bend his long limbs enough to catch it, he realized it was stuck under the seat bridge.

“Damn...”

He hadn’t brought another pen, and he didn’t want to ask anybody to land him one. Kageyama briefly questioned himself about what to do, then decided to postpone his studies for later.

“When Kei used to help me, I never had trouble with losing my pens... or shortening essays...”

Looking outside the window, his eyes faded from what was in front of him, to memories formed not too long before.

Kageyama found himself into his own room in Miyagi. It was February of that very year, and he recalled a study afternoon for the final exams where he had been tutored by Tsukishima for five straight hours, five hours which had never felt neither long nor stressing:

“You might have been a setter you know, Kei...”

“Ugh? No way...”

“You could have...”

“No thanx... way too much plays... Too much responsibility... ain’t for me...”

“You slacker... anyway, you are intelligent so of course you could’ve been one.”

“So this mean you are intelligent after all? Then solve this test quick. I know you can do it, it’s just that you approach studies as lazily as I do with sports...”

“You damn four eyes...”

“You stubborn King...”

They had started to compile a few papers, then Tsukishima had reprised his talking, unexpectedly:

“By the way: I hate when you say like I am the only one with brains between us. You are spectacularly intelligent or there would be no way you could play setter the way you do.”

“Mffhhh...”

“What’s that aborted muff laugh about? I am sincere.”

“I know you are. But I thought anyone considers me good at setting or playing altogether not because of my intelligence, but because of my “skill”...”

Tsukishima had then started to think, without replying. It had seemed like what Kageyama had said had hit a spot into him. Probably, Kageyama thought, he had long thought exactly that way too, easily. After a few more minutes, again, Tsukishima had recommenced their conversation like it had never stopped:

“Your skill is superhuman. It’s one of those happenings people have to think they’re sent from up above, one of those which part people between “normal folks” and “gifted folks”, and I can’t begin to describe how frustrating it might be for us normal guys to have to witness the brilliance of it. But it took me short enough to understand exactly because of it, you had maybe to be even smarter than regular guys actually. Because you never acted overwhelmed by your overwhelming talent. At least not while you’ve been with us here in Karasuno. I can’t speak for other teams time. But yes, that’s it. To handle the way you do your amazing skill, and keep your astonishing working ethic - which annoys me to no end by the way - yes... I had it clear soon enough that you had to be first and foremost... _very_ smart.”

Kageyama had blushed. A thing which had started to come commonly those days whenever he’d find himself alone with Tsukishima. Those days when Kei had started to be so open with him, he had to begin to question why the tension which had always existed when it had to come to them had started to feel like a warm engine in his chest, rather than a wave of angry electricity all over his lungs.

“Damn... And now how can I retort? This sounds too much like a big compliment...”

“It is. But I won’t say it another time so you better take it now and just go.”

Kageyama at that had quietly smiled.

“You know... I never really thought too much about what I have and what I am. I had always acted just on instinct, thinking that might have well been all that I was equipped with. But then... _you came_. And I started to frame everything in a larger set up. Your way to be... opened my own self up to bigger things, because I realized there were more than one way to be good and intelligent on court, and that there were many other things I could have improved at than I originally intended to polish...”

“Great: a philosopher who tends to scream and punch instead of calmly reasoning out is just what I had to crash into. Lucky me...”

Kageyama had laughed then. Tsukishima’s entire body had shaken out of that pure laugh.

“Yeah, lucky you indeed. Because in the end it’s not like I ever punched you properly, did I?”

“You have tried, but I guess being that much shorter than me had you questioning your chances of success at that?”

“Oh please... like you could ever survive with your limping self my full on attacks...”

“Is that so? Wanna try if I could, King?”

At that they had looked into one another’s eyes. And that different kind of tension Kageyama was having trouble naming had glassed their eyes emotionally up.  
An heavy in breathing and they both had calmed down though.  
It was just talk.  
It was just play.  
It was just tease.  
But...

“By the way, King... there’s something I’d like to ask you, while we’re on topic...”

Kageyama had tried to remember which one was the topic, as his own heartbeat was calming down:

“So?”

“I wonder why you’ve barely pushed me with harsh manners... I mean... it cannot be only because of my built, right? The way you’ve always pushed Hinata, for instance: all those screams and strange barks between you two... why...”

“Like you’ll ever listen to those! You’ve paired us with animals since forever, haven’t you?” **NOTE 1**

Tsukishima had sighed. He had constantly done that.

“Well, you could have pushed me finding another style of command?”

Kageyama had become pensive. Then he seriously said he had never thought about commanding no one, _especially_ him.

“Despite my nickname - which I’ve never agreed with, and you know it better than anyone - to command has never been my wish. I just... always wanted to guide. I am not a great diplomat...”

“Heck, surely not...”

“Lemme finish... I am not great with the communicative part of my setter job...”

“But you’ve got really, really better with that too, trust me... ops... sorry... what were you saying?”

The frowning glance Kageyama had worn at Tsukishima’s new interruption had faded as soon as he had prounounced the full observation at him:

“I... well, I still not as good as I would like to with that and with you, who are so calm and untouched by others, I had especially troubles understanding how to get to your head.”

Tsuksihima had sighed more: “Well, for a longtime I thought you were just looking down on me, and that had to be the reason for you had never tried to tell me what to do the way you were doing with others...”

Kageyama had chuckled.

“Damn. I wasted a lot of time and good stuff then... this misunderstanding between us... and the fact that we are equally stubborn...”

“No way I am as stubborn as you...”

“Right: because you are _more_ than me actually...”

“I am not...”

“You are... But lucky wacky has been how even with this misunderstanding, you got someone else whom you felt very pushed from the start, so in the end all went okay for the team, don’t you think?” **NOTE 2**

Tsukishima had looked confused, and Kageyama had explained to him he had always been pushed by Hinata anyway, so his lack of push hadn’t compromised any of the middle blocker growth, in the end.

Snapping from the very vivid memory, and catching the announcement the train was about to come to their destination, Kageyama realized better than he had in the previous days that he was just mere minutes away from facing finally on a court both Hinata and Tsukishima.

As rivals.

A gorgeous smile appeared on his face, and he felt the happiest he had felt in months.

Meeting those guys he had lived and grown so much along meant the world to him, and he couldn’t wait to reach the facility of Doshisha University - commonly known as “Dodai” - for their remeet and especially their rematches.

“Tobio... are you excited? You look glowing...” Komori had approached the setter to help him with his luggage and also with his poor skill at locating exits anywhere “we gotta step this way, follow me...”

A little embarrassed in understanding the purpose out of Motoya’s care, Kageyama lowered his head and bangs, but then he whispered, unsure if he would be heard or not by the libero, that he was looking very much up to the practice weekend in Kyoto.

“Tobio kun...”

“Atsumu San...”

“Let’s stay sitting together in the bus ok? I missed you on the train.”

Circling Kageyama’s bust with his arm, Miya pushed him at the bottom of the bus Itachiyama Volley Team had waiting for outside the Karasuma side of Kyoto Station.  
During the trip toward the Imadegawa Campus, situated just in the middle of Kyoto, aside the stunning Shokoku-Ji Temple and facing the Kyoto Imperial Palace, Miya kept looking outside, pointing enthusiastically each sightseeing location they were passing near to him.

“Do you remember when you went visiting me first? We could have seen all this, but we chose to play volley instead!” **NOTE A**

Kageyama nodded. He had dear memories of that trip in Kyoto two years before.

“I wonder how Shouyou kun got accepted in Dodai? Did he receive a formal scouting for the volley team?”

“Hinata did his best also with the entrance exam. I think it was a combination of scouting referral and his actual final grades in the entrance exam...”

Atsumu kept talking for the entirety of the trip, up until the coach ordered silence, to get to explain the training camp to the players.

“This is a great opportunity for you guys, to put all of our work as of late into something solid and impacting. We are here to face not only Dodai Team, but also Osaka Kaisers...”

Listening to that, Kageyama briefly wandered with his mind thinking about the irony of having Tsukishima’s team being named “Kaisers”. He would get to mock him and say that he had finally gained a surname even more pompous than the one he had been used to call him with.

“... and actually I tell you we have to be way more prepared to face troubles against Kandai kids than not Dodai ones, although you know there are no easy games in volley. Point is, I want you to win everything, these three days. No excuses, no mistakes, and no shame on Itachiyama. Understood?”

A resounding and roaring yessir filled the bus up.  
As the stop had been made, Itachiyama players stepped down and faced the gates and entrance of the main historical Campus of Doshisha University, one of the main private Academy Institutions in the Country.

“That’s a Latin sentence up there in their arms, isn’t it, Kyoomi San?”

“Yes Tobio... it’s Dodai’s motto and I actually like it very much...”

“Veritas Liberabit Vos...”

“Truth Shall Make You Free.”

“Yeah, I was trying to translate it too. But you’re always way faster than me, Kyoomi San. As expected.”

Sakusa nodded, with a benevolent glare to his junior, whom he had found for an instant freed from Miya’s presence.

“You’re getting better with Ancient Latin, Tobio. In a while you’ll be as proficient as me.”

And dragging his trolley ahead, Sakusa moved away from Kageyama before Atsumu could join back.

_Be attentive, Tobio... because these days truth will finally hit you, and set you free for real..._

Once Itachiyama people had been assigned to their lodge, and after they had prepared for the training, they moved to the gym designated for the camp, a renewed construction which had a wonderful transparent ceiling, which was changing shade of color and transparency according to the will of the people involved in the sport activities underneath it.  
Kageyama stepped into the huge structure trying his best to feel as it were nothing new for him.  
Trying his best to keep composure and calmness.  
Trying his best to not wander immediately with his eyes to catch were Hinata would be.  
He couldn’t hear his noisy presence; but since it was University they were at, he thought his former partner had chopped down his tendency at being insufferably loud.

“This morning we play only against Dodai. Kandai team will join us this afternoon. They had tests this morning, but it takes only 30 minutes from Osaka to Kyoto so they will be able to join us soon. Get stretched and then start your usual round of practice, guys. Dodai team will come in an hour or so, and then we’ll have the first game against them. Go!”

Kageyama felt a bit disappointed. He had wished he could have talked even if only for a moment with Hinata before the game would start.

“Are you bugged you can’t tell Shouyou kun we’re gonna shatter him and his team, Tobio?”

Kageyama grunted.  
Atsumu was indeed able to read him like a book.  
Especially as of late...

“It doesn’t matter. Whether I tell him or not, fact is that we’re gonna crash him so...”

Atsumu smiled, one of those smiles of his when no one could tell if he was being cute or devious.

“You betcha. Today our double toss combination will work amazingly. I feel it. And there’s Suna too in Dodai... So it’s not like you’re the only one looking for establishing a rule over former teammates, you know.”

Kageyama nodded big.  
He would never ever lose against Hinata.  
Never. Ever.

“Let’s start our runs, there’s Kyoomi out there looking at us like he wants to kill me for making you slower...”

“You aren’t making me any slower though?”

Atsumu smiled a very sincere smile then: “I know, but you see me in a way he’ll never accept so... let’s rush and start the runs.”

A flock of people from Dodai Campus started to fill the bleachers of the gym, and more rounds of running Itachiyama guys were performing, the more people were stuffing the place.  
Just when the latest run was completed, a clear shout came from the nearest stand up over Itachiyama bench:

“Kageyama kun!!!!!”

Kageyama turned his head by natural instinct, finding Yachi and Yamaguchi waving at him, as cute and as lovey dovey as ever, just like months hadn’t passed since their last encounter.  
He smiled at them, attempting what had to be a wink.  
A terrible wink, but it had to be one.  
The two smiled back at him, and gestured at him to let him know they would be there all day to follow the practice.

“Tobio... you’ll have time to salute your former teammates later on.”

Sakusa’s tone was cold. Kageyama nodded, asking for forgiveness.

“Oh, Kyoomi... cut it? He just smiled at them. He hasn’t seen them in months... can you please avoid to make this awkward guy feeling guilty for something absolutely not worthy of your wrath?”

Sakusa glared at Miya in a very menacing way.

“Tobio will spend with them all the time he likes to once the game is finished. I didn’t mean to say anything harmful to him. Mind your business, Atsumu. And while you’re at it... concentrate yourself as well. Try not to mess up the double toss today too.”

“I never messed it up.”

“You neither executed it at your best so far.”

Atsumu looked at Kageyama in an extravagant way, then back at Sakusa:

“Today I will. You just wait and see.”

The pre-game runs of practice lasted almost entirely the span of time necessary for Dodai team to step into the gymnasium. When the hosting guys came into their usual reign, the cheer of the conspicuous public which had amassed in the stands erupted.  
Dodai team was rebuilding itself, and was keen at becoming more than just _one of the other sports teams_ in a College which valued and produced results especially regarding rugby, baseball and principally basketball.

“I hate that they have our same colors...” murmured Miya, reckoning purple and white were also Itachiyama pattern, while lining up to show respect to their hosts “though our uniform is infinitely more elegant. They look like Los Angeles Lakers rejects...”

Kageyama scanned with his eyes the faces of the players in front of him.  
As a starter, he was given number 6 on court, and his position in the line was accorded to his own number.  
Hinata was not in the starting team?  
Trying not to look unpolite to Suna, who was facing him as his opponent with the same number on his shirt, Kageyama tried to shake his hand to wish him good game while sneaking down the line of Doshisha ranks for catching Hinata.  
When he finally located him, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

_15? Hinata wears number 15? It must be a trick move..._

Realizing the game was commencing, Kageyama tried to shake his mind to allow his perfect focusing brain getting into sport motion; it felt strange to see Hinata on the bench, he thought, but he was a rookie and clearly the shortest one on both teams... Some hiccups and faltering steps had to be put in the count of his new journey at Dodai.

“Are you ok Tobio kun? You keep having this frozen face... more than usual I mean...”

Kageyama replied to Miya he was perfectly fine.  
Atsumu couldn’t believe him though.

“If you say so... Anyway: don’t mind Shouyou kun too much. He might be slightly injured, for all we know...”

Kageyama lit up. Of course. Maybe Hinata was just not in shape... of course it _had_ to be that.

“Tobio...” Sakusa had placed his wide hand over Kageyama’s back. A gesture absolutely mattering, coming from a guy who was avoiding to touch his teammates most of the times, even during points or games victory celebrations “... let’s show them what we can do. Also today, I trust your vision.”

That formula from his ace spiker had the power to make Kageyama feel for real like the Chosen One from the books. The trust he wanted always and most from players he deemed not only essential, but intrinsically belonging to the concept of victory, had an impact over his own self which bordered spelling territory.  
Growing into his wide bust, Kageyama assumed the usual stance he would while playing.  
The stance of a King.  
The stance of someone born to win.  
The stance of the worst adversary anyone could ever cross.

“Thank you, Kyoomi San. Also today, I’ll do my best to not disappoint you.”

The sets played were 6. Two games won easily by Itachiyama, despite a furious effort by Doshisha players in not getting dwarfed in any fundamental.

25-21; 25-20; 25-22 in the first game.  
25-18; 25-22; 25-17 in the second one.

And in none of the games, _none_ , Hinata had ever left the bench behind his coach.  
Kageyama had not tried to catch Hinata’s face or eyes during his plays, because a voice inside him and his natural perception had him feel that searching would appear offensive to Hinata.  
There had to be reasons for his bench internment that day.  
He would know soon, as the teams would eat together before the afternoon rematches.

“Tobio... want to head to your Karasuno people? We have some minutes before lunch...”

Kageyama nodded.  
Yamaguchi and Yachi had remained on the stands waiting for him after all.

“Then go... I’ll wait for you while mocking Suna a little...”

Kageyama waved an agreement to Miya, and came under Tadashi and Hitoka’s place. But despite wanting first to say to them he was happy to see them finally again, and before anything else his heart wanted to actually say, as soon as he faced them, the first words out of his mouth were demanding them if he would look mean to Hinata if he was to ask him why he hadn’t played at all in those two games.  
His former teammates faces contracted enough in embarrassment to let him _feel_ Hinata would rather eat fire than have him ask him for that.

“Oh.”

Kageyama would have loved to backtrack and make anyone forget he had asked for that, but it was too late; Yachi began to explain to him that since joining the team, Hinata had barely gotten on the court at all.

“But... that has to be because he’s not in tip top shape, right? It is... temporary, right?”

Yamaguchi looked at Kageyama, his discerning and sensitive look which had been so soothing for all of them back in Karasuno, when they used to be teammates.

“No, sadly it has not to do with his shape at all. Hinata’s fine. It’s just that his coach... simply doesn’t see him.”

At the words of Yamaguchi, Kageyama felt distinctly his lungs gasping. Like suddenly the air he was breathing had become irrespirable.  
Those words were echoing in his head, and the coldness inside his bones was suddenly making him numb.  
_The coach... doesn’t see him_  
That coach was a fool.  
How could he not?

“Kageyama kun... Kageyama... kun?”

Yachi was trying to reach Kageyama, who had paralysed in shock. Glancing at Yamaguchi, they nodded at each other, and quickly moved to come at ground level beside Kageyama.  
They had to explain better how things had developed at Doshisha before he would meet Hinata in a few minutes.  
Near the exit of the gym, Atsumu was observing his most precious one remaining still while his two former Karasuno mates were keeping talking to him.  
It didn’t seem like Kageyama was participating in the conversation; it seemed like he was keeping just listening while standing motionless in front of them.  
Atsumu’s sullen face increased.  
He didn’t like the scene before his eyes.

“Oi... why are you still here? And where is Tobio?”

Sakusa had come near to him, because he had lost tracks of both his setters, and had decided to check if they were still in the gym.

“He’s there.”

Sakusa looked at the place indicated by Miya’s finger. He was talking with those two Karasuno guys. He just had to move then, because they had a lunch to take.

“I don’t really think Tobio will have much of an appetite, after that chat...”

Sakusa shrugged. 

“It must be because Hinata didn’t play, I guess. Well, Tobio will shake this off soon. It’s not like there could have been any other outcome for that shortie, anyway.”

Atsumu turned his head at Sakusa, who was about to move back away and lead back to the restaurant where the teams would have eaten together.

“You really are a cold bitch, Kyoomi. Can’t you imagine the shock for Tobio in seeing his former partner, the guy he has won a legendary high school championship with, benched like a ton of bricks discarded and realizing he won’t probably ever play against him as a rival?”

Sakusa zeroed into Asumu’s eyes: “That cannot constitute a shock. Anyone knowing about volleyball the way Tobio knows about it cannot be shocked if a frail midget is considered useless for it in a Collegiate Team which aims at winning some games.”

At that, Atsumu snapped: “You are really a bitch.”

Sakusa was already moving away, uninterested in replies.  
Atsumu went back looking for Kageyama, only to find him patted on the back by Yamaguchi and Yachi, clearly looking bent and dejected although he was seeing him only from the back.  
When he parted from the couple, Atsumu met him halfway into the gym, trying to find a way to cheer him up.  
Looking at Kageyama spiritually wounded had him feel an impossible pressure into his chest.

“Tobio... what’s wrong?”

Kageyama didn’t seem wanting to share his thoughts; what do do then for Atsumu?

“Tobio... you can’t face Shouyou kun this way. And I am sure as soon as we’ll step into the restaurant he’ll be there, looking out for you. Don’t offer him this pitiful sight... will you?”

Kageyama looked at Atsumu. He was right. And most importantly, he was _getting him_ right there.

“I... don’t know what to tell him. For the very first time in my life... I don’t know how I will handle him.”

Atsumu smiled.

“Then why... stop to wonder how you will do that? Wait for what Shouyou kun will decide to tell you. Wait for the way he will choose to show himself to you. I know that as a fellow setter is more or like an habit to try to guess what others will do, and what they expect us to do... but this time... don’t be a setter to Shouyou kun. Just be... You? A friend of his?”

Kageyama widened his eyes into Atsumu’s face.  
Atsumu thought he had to really restrain himself there and then, because there was nothing as beautiful as Kageyama’s face when he was looking that shiny and grateful.

“Atsumu... you are... amazing.”

Putting one hand on Kageyama’s mouth and the other on his own, glancing around Atsumu whispered he had to not say such things so carelessly, or it would have been problematic not to kiss him right on the spot.  
Kageyama blushed badly, but then he kept going:

“Sorry but... I had to say it. You have this thing... when you sometimes tell me exactly the things which are the perfect thing for me to hear. The things which are just what I was looking out for. How can you do it? You still be a better setter than me if you can do this, because I can’t guess people this well yet...”

Pushing him out of the gym Atsumu embraced Kageyama a little from behind, shuffling into his back:

“I can do it... because... you’re dear to me. And about being a better setter nope, it pains me every time to realize there is no one as good as you in that position, ever. We are setters on court and on a court, nobody is as great as you. Now let’s go. We need to eat if we want to win also the games against the Kaisers...”

As soon as Miya and Kageyama arrived in the restaurant they sat down, just in time to not be scolded for being too late. As they sat, Komori gave into Kageyama’s hands a piece of paper.  
He unfolded it, and reckoned straight Hinata’s wobbly calligraphy. He was one of the few who could read it well, as his own calligraphy was even more hideous.

**_“Don’t worry, we’ll talk before this camp ends. Don’t worry for me. I still want to defeat you and I will do it, soon or later. Don’t dare to look down on me, or you will be handed your ass out. Sho.”_ **

Crashing the paper in his hand, making it a tiny ball and putting it into his zipper inside his jersey pants, Kageyama smirked.  
It was time to eat then.  
He had plenty energies to refill.  
During the meal Kageyama’s face shifted from ghostly to absorbed to obsessed, all while still eating.  
In front of him, Sakusa was intent and mooning over him.  
When Miya got called up by the staff as one of the table cleaners along a couple more of their teammates, Sakusa moved aside Kageyama and started to talk with him:

“Tobio... can I have a word with you?”

“Sakusa S... no... Kyoomi San... what do you want to tell me?”

“You look pretty shocked right now... and I wonder why...”

Kageyama realized by looking into Sakusa’s eyes he would not be able to shrug the question aside. He wasn’t thrilled to show his ace his concern for Hinata, mostly because Sakusa had never been tender nor appreciative of his former partner, but what Sakusa was trying to obtain wasn’t a psychological session, he was looking for honesty, and that Kageyama would always be able to serve to whoever.

“I am not shocked... it’s just that... Hinata... I didn’t expect him to...”

“You didn’t expect him to be a bench warmer?”

That word sounded unbearably rash and terrible for Kageyama’s ears.

“I... no. I never expected to see him sat down all game long. No.”

Sakusa huffed painfully, like a rusted machine in need of some good oil.

“And this is enough to shock you? Because... ain’t what you had to know all along, that Hinata’s just not fit for playing at these levels?”

Kageyama didn’t want to hear that. His whole face was refusing to listen, though his brain probably had a different feel about the fact. Sure, a part of him had known since the very start, maybe since that very first game in middle school that height is no discardable requirement for playing volley, **NOTE 3** but inside his being, to try to admit it was getting him sad and cold. He could not say it. And it was not about honesty. In that moment, the truth in his brain and the truth in his heart, probably for the very first time in all of his life, were at war.

“Hinata won’t give up I am sure...”

“The fact he gives in or up won’t matter in the end. You know he has played already his cards, and these we play now are levels he simply cannot fit in. We have been given cards for this game and he has been denied them by Nature. The sooner you see this, the sooner your frustration will fade out...”

Nature. Nature is a bitch, Kageyama thought. Nature... maybe sometime Nature can be wrong...

“But it cannot end this way... I am sure if...”

Sakusa’s eyes lit in darkness.

“What are you trying to say, Tobio? That if you were still his setter, he’d have a chance even now?”

“Well...”

Sakusa jerked at Kageyama’s arm for making the younger realize the importance of the words he was about to say:

“Don’t fool yourself, and don’t blame yourself, either: no matter how amazing you are, you can’t give Hinata what he lacks. No matter how amazing of a setter you are, he can’t grow past his physical limits. He is short, he weights nothing. Sure he can jump spectacularly high for one of his frame, but all of his jump, all of his athletic skill can’t cover up for his lack of power, force and impact. Seriously Tobio: could you ever get back to Hinata, now that you play with the likes of me or Ushijima? Could you?”

Kageyama shook his head, but at each head shake, his heart was cracking.  
All the images of the many times he and Hinata had been a combo, the fantastic and oddest freak combo, passed through his eyes, like a train of painful memories.  
They had been so good together.  
He had thought they had more time in front of them to play as rivals but...

“Reality hits you too hard, Tobio. Don’t let it affect you. You’ve given Hinata plenty of high school dreams. It’s only because of you he had lived those...”

Kageyama faced Sakusa with eyes which had to seem wet, even though he was not crying:

“Don’t say that, Kyoomi San: Hinata has given me more than what I have given him back in all those years. If it weren’t for him, if I hadn’t obtained blind trust from him from day one in Karasuno, I might have never gotten here, either...”

That was a song Sakusa had heard already.

“You are too soft and hung up to that part of your journey. You are an astonishing phenomenon on court. You’d be that with or without having met Hinata, or any in Karasuno. You are a precious miracle. And there’s no way you have to get shocked because a midget gets his volley career stopped in his first College year. That’s Nature. That’s Life. That’s Reality. Stop minding this all. And get up. Come with me back on court...”

The hand landed was grabbed by a still trembling Kageyama.

“Good boy...”

Sakusa had closed onto Kageyama’s palm with his hand, uncaring of the germs, uncaring of the contact, just looking out into Tobio’s eyes:

“Tobio, I never meant to offend your friend. I find it nice that you feel so connected to your former teammates. But this path we’re into... it’s a path for only the best of the bests. What we can do and obtain is a privileged history for ourselves and _our Country_. I wish you could understand where I come from when I tell you you must face reality...”

Kageyama sighed smoothly and lightly, observing his hand into Sakusa’s one.

“I think... I can understand it...”

“Then why so sulky? Come on... we got Kandai to beat as well, ok?”

Kageyama closed his eyes, shaking his whole body, and then nodding to Sakusa he promised:

“And we will. Thank you for bringing me back to myself, Kyoomi San.”

Sakusa let Kageyama’s hand go, and standing up to move out of the place, he gestured to him to take his time and that he would be waiting for him at the gym.

“Compose yourself, Tobio. And don’t forget all of us want you to be at your greatest and at your happiest in this team, because without you, this team wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Kageyama would have loved to say back that he was not that important, but he bit his tongue.  
He was feeling he actually was.  
His entire volleyball career was telling him he was born to be a standout among standouts.  
Into his veins, a boiling blood reprised its rushing.

“We’ll win it all, Sakusa San. Together we will.”

Then he became ready to go himself.

“Bokuto San, look out for us. And you Kei... don’t dare to chicken out on me now...”

Swirling out of the room like a divine storm, Kageyama took his jersey jacket and moved to the gym.  
When he stepped into the facility where all of his teammates had already gathered, he saw the volleyball team of Kandai University all aligned in front of him.  
Rapidly checking them out, he gulped.  
There was Bokuto.  
There was Koganegawa.  
There was Kunimi.  
There were Kyoutani and Ojiro Aran.  
They were in the first half of the line, which meant they were among the starters or immediate substitutes.  
Along in the bench...  
There was Kindaichi, dressed as a manager.  
But Tsukishima wasn’t there.  
He wasn’t anywhere to be seen.  
A suspicious kind of intuition started to make him fidget.  
No, it couldn’t be...

“Yo, Kageyama!”

Following the sound of the loud call out, Kageyama raised his head.  
Up in the stalls just above what would have been Kandai bench, a smiling Kuroo Tetsurou was waving his ample arms at him.  
Sitting near to him, dressed in no sporty attire, Kenma Kozume was looking quietly down at him, too.  
Not bound to let his surprise change into confusion, Kageyama asked straight to former Nekoma captains if they knew where Tsukishima was.

“Tsukki? Well, he is at our campus.”

Kageyama frowned.

“Is he injured, Kuroo San?”

Kuroo twisted his smug into a surprised mask.

“Injured? No. Not at all? He’s as good as he can get?”

Kageyama’s face became grey.

“What do you mean... why’s not here, if he’s good?”

At that, Kuroo looked aside at Kenma; then he looked again at Kageyama, whose face was getting angrier and angrier, and explained that Tsukishima was not there because he had never entered the volleyball club in the first place.  
As soon as he had finished his sentence, Kageyama became red angry.

“What?”

The scream he had emitted had silenced almost the gym.  
His captain had moved to his side to track him away, thinking he was quarreling with someone from the public, but very unusually for him, since he was always very respectful of his seniors in general, Kageyama refused to move, and jerked his arm out of his captain’s grab.

“Kuroo San, please: when these games are finished, wait for me. I need to talk to you for a minute, if you can.”

Kuroo nodded, and at that point Kageyama turned to his captain, bowing sincerely to apologize for his manners and behavior.  
Glancing one last time up to Kuroo and Kenma, he bent slightly at them as well, to show apologetic intentions towards them too.  
Kuroo sat down beside Kenma, and mumbled.

“I think I’ve spoken too carelessly...”

“You have, Tetsurou. But to be honest, I thought Kageyama knew about Tsukishima.”

“So did I. Apparently not instead.”

The two embraced the court with their own eyes. Even at distance, they could see how Kageyama was incredibly concentrated. But there was on his face a type of frown they had never seen plastered onto him.  
It was like his skin had suddenly turned a whole tone darker.

“I fear for Bokuto San...”

“I do too, Kenma. That’s a look that brings a lot of trouble, the one which Kageyama kun is wearing at the moment...”

The two former Nekoma players focused on the game between Itachiyama and Kandai.  
A tight game, with one crystal clear winner despite the valiant effort from the opponent team.

“Damn... that double toss looks like a laser beam. What the hell...”

“You’re right Tetsurou. It’s incredible how they can switch the receiver at any place this way. In certain situations, they don’t even need their libero, and they can make him a further spiker...”

Itachiyama team had started to wow the adversaries with a new technique: an overhead receive that their two setters had been trained to perform against virtually any type of serve, given their impeccable and super fast techniques, and their extraordinary body command; a sort of primary toss receive which was made regardless of the type of serve they’d be subjected to, zinging quick into an even faster toss ready to be spiked from any zone of the court, literally.

“It’s incredible the way Sakusa can spike either crossing into the three meters, or nabbing by millimeters the cross line at the end of the court... it’s like that double toss gives the ball plenty of effects, which he multiplies with his effortless spiking perfection...”

Kenma nodded at Kuroo’s words, enraptured by what he was witnessing happening on court.

“All that is made possible by the fact Itachiyama has a technical rank way above everyone else this year. They were very good already but...”

“... but with the addition of Kageyama, it’s like they’ve got...”

“... overwhelmingly better.”

Kuroo and Kozume looked at Bokuto, who was being playing at his best, and getting pretty great scores at each chance.

“Kandai is very good too. It’s just that...”

“It’s just that the other team is better.”

Kuroo sneezed.

“Damn, Kenma... you truly are savage when you decide to speak.”

“I’m just being honest. That’s what it is. They can work this out though. I see that Koganegawa kun is getting better with each game, and the same goes for that middle blocker...”

“You mean Kunimi?”

“Yes, that one. Somehow he reminds me a lot of Tsukishima kun. He’s cold and very logical. He has impeccable tempo. Kandai can do great things this year too. There’s no need to fuss over some losses at practice games.”

Kuroo smiled. His Kenma had grown a lot.

“So, when will you try to get back as well on court then? Dodai may need you more than they’d like to admit...”

Kenma shrugged. 

“Ehi... don’t tell me that you are not that into it anymore just because Hinata kun seems far away from playing anytime soon, eh?”

Disappearing into his shirt, his neck shrinking into his shoulders, Kozume tried to deny that Kuroo’s words had hit a mattering target.

“Kenma...”

“It’s just that it’s boring without him during games... I like practices because we can play together, but then games come and... the others are not as inspiring as him.”

Kuroo smiled a bit.

“Well, it’s not like you are a titular either? You have mostly subbed in lately?”

“I don’t mind. I am okay with that. I don’t see myself playing after College anyway, you know...”

Kuroo slid his hand into Kenma’s pocket.  
Shortly after, Kozume put his own hand in that pocket too.

“But I like when you get all fired up on court, so please... do your best and try to play more, okay?”

A tiny smile appeared on Kozume’s lips.

“And what would you do... cheer for the enemy? Kandai and Dodai are mortal rivals you know...”

“I got told about this a few times, yes...”

“And...?”

A tender squeeze of hands into a pocket, and a little blushing up Kenma’s cheeks made Kuroo whisper instead than speaking, near to his beloved ear:

“And you know... I’ve never been one to follow traditions too much...”

“Stop it... people can see, idiot...”

“Then what? Who cares...”

“I do. Stop it. And... look down there... Koutaro San needs his bestie... He’s depressed they lost...”

“Let Keiji cheer him up later...”

“Akaashi San is with his girlfriend back at your Campus... he can’t cheer no one by the phone... you know it wouldn’t work with Bokuto San anyway...”

Kuroo stood up, moving on the brink of the stall, to mock his best friend, the sure fire way to distract him from the burnt of loss.

“Ehi, dying birdie... got beaten up pretty bad, uh?”

“Shut up, you retired flopsie... we might have lost, but we’ve got plenty of infos about them. Next time we will get revenge!”

“I hope so... Or your fan club at Faculty will disband. Imagine if Kaori Chan and Yuki Chan would stop cherishing your every move, Koutaro... what would become of the infamous Bokuto, the heartthrob of our College?”

“That can’t happen. I am the very idol of Kandai. Win or lose... I can only win! Bahhhaahh!!!”

And with that, Bokuto moved to his team bench to refresh himself.  
Kuroo sat back near Kenma.

“He’s so simple. It takes nothing to cheer him back up.”

“Bokuto San is kind of a National Treasure.”

“Yeah. But don’t tell him ever any of that. He could try to actually register himself as Sightseeing spot for the tourists...”

“Ehi Tetsu... Kageyama kun is coming at us...”

Kuroo glanced down. Kageyama was talking with Miya and Komori, but he was moving towards the stands while doing it.

“Wait for me here, Kenma. I go down to him. I guess you prefer to stay here?”

“I’d rather, yes.”

“Ok. Just a few minutes and I’m back. Don’t disappear, please...”

Kuroo moved down to step onto the court floor, standing by the emergency exit on the right, and signaling Kageyama he was there to have that talk with him he had asked for previously; as the younger guy approached him, he began to speak, gesturing a little many times, like he was trying to put more weight to his words.  
Up from the stairs, Kozume was trying to observe the younger setter, but not much from his motions could enlighten him about the way the conversation was going.  
After no more than a few minutes, Kuroo was already coming back up to him.  
Kenma was still silent, despite being obvious how much Kuroo was expecting to be questioned about the just happened chat between him and Kageyama.

“Don’t you wanna know what we’ve said down there?”

Kenma didn’t express any wish or curiosity.

“Oh, c’mon... you haven’t any to ask?”

“Not particularly. It’s not like it’s my business, anyway.”

“Fine. Then I’ll keep it all to myself.”

“Do it. Can we go now?”

“There are still some drills they are gonna perform? Hinata may do those?”

“I still wanna go. Wanna keep me company?”

At the allusive glance of Kenma, Kuroo straightened immediately up. There was no way he wouldn’t agree with those promising eyes.

“Anyway... Kageyama was sure Tsukki had all intentions to play in College...” he attempted to say trying to involve his boyfriend in his just summoned up acknowledging, as the two were moving in a more secluded place of the gym “... and I told him I had been of the same convictions for most of their last year as Karasuno students, and that for many times I had clearly spoken with Tsukki about what I was convinced would have been his future College team. I did even when he had trained with the National Recruits, months ago. **NOTE B** But then Tsukki came at Kandai and first he said that he had no intentions to waste time with sports, and then after a month he also changed his Majoring from Law to Foreign Languages and Arts. Kageyama looked like he had no clues about any of this...”

“And you’re telling me this because?”

Kenma was looking at the spiky haired guy in front of him with annoyed face.  
Kuroo was thinking he looked absolutely gorgeous like that. Pouting made his lips stand out.

“Because lovers share all they can. Don’t we?”

And bending graciously, he kissed the shorter guy with reverie and passion, in a blind corridor of the Dodai gym they had used to stay a while together already a few times.

Back inside the gym, Itachiyama, Dodai and Kandai teams were using the remaining of the afternoon training for mixing drills among them.  
Finishing his tasks first among everyone and being given permission to leave the place as he pleased, Kageyama moved instead towards the Kaisers bench, where a solitary Kindaichi was occupied assembling the stats for the day regarding all of his team players.  
All intent in his work, Kindaichi didn’t immediately reckoned Kageyama was standing beside him, so that after a few moments, still unchecked out, the setter coughed a little to give himself away.

“Eh?!? Ka... Kageyama?”

“Ehi... Kindaichi...”

The face of the one of the two who was still a little taller, no matter how much Kageyama had grown in the past three years, and despite the hairdo of the former Alba Johsai alumnus had long stopped to be a tower of spiky gelled up stingers, suddenly became embarrassed.  
It had never been Kindaichi’s strongest point to keep a facade in front of Kageyama, and a person better versed into reading others from a social standpoint would have not been surprised by the evident contortion all over it.  
Not Kageyama, who started immediately to talk to his once ago teammate, as natural as a person of his tenure would speak “naturally” to anybody.

“That was a good game, previously. Your team is definitely one of those which has given us more trouble so far...”

Slowly gaining back a bit of normal feel to himself again, Kindaichi nodded, admitting how their team was going to get better and better in a short time, given the good addictions of the semester.

“Kunimi has gotten the most improvements from what I can see... Slacking is no more his credo, from what I have witnessed earlier...”

Kindaichi could detect the honesty in Kageyama’s voice. It wasn’t a way to bash the way Kunimi Akira used to play, the way Kageyama had worded his phrase; on the opposite, it was his highest praise regarding the player the guy had shown to be that day.

“Akira will love to tell you that he is now a Kaiser, which is more than just a King... So get ready, because once he has finished his drills, and will see you here, he will come and challenge you for the next Century...”

Kageyama smirked, a tad covered by his bangs and the fact he had lowered his head a bit. Kindaichi was reprising his work on his iPad, but got quickly interrupted again.  
A talkative Kageyama... that’s rare, he thought watching the setter start another conversation so promptly.

“Listen... why did you...”

Kageyama had indicated Kindaichi’s iPad; he might have gotten better at expressing his wish and feels, but he was still really a disaster at approaching a fluent and meaningful discourse most of times, so Kindaichi tried to guess the intention behind his syncopated question:

“Why did I stop playing?”

“Yeah... you had numbers... it’s... a waste...”

Kindaichi seemed to soften. The face Kageyama was offering to him was so quiet, and his voice was so sweet in a way, that he had to mellow thinking at the distance he had walked since his unique style of having a chat with him had included orders, prickly remarks and screams. A little sigh escaped his lips, and his eyes targeted up, in a no better defined zone of the gym roof which could show the sky outside.

“I never really had much beside my physical built which was fit for competitive sport. I was always too scared, too insecure, too... linked to past stuffs. Too attached to what I had learnt to know to develop beyond a certain level...”

“Too linked to the past...”

“Yeah. I never have been good at letting go of what had built me up, or dragged me down for that matter. And professional players can’t be like that. I had the physique, but not the brain for this.”

“Learning to let go...”

“Kageyama?”

“Sorry... I was just thinking about a thing Sakusa San told me before...”

“In a way I wish my build had been given to Hinata. He has all I lack as for mentality, but he’s stuck at his meter and 70 and he won’t ever get to overcome that... _that’s_ a waste, not mine...”

Kageyama looked at his former middle school ace, then he wandered around to locate Hinata, who was keeping performing his assigned drills, and quietly said he wasn’t convinced:

“You’re both a waste. And I would have loved to play against you again. I had always fun with it.”

“You played pretty much against me also when we were teammates...”

Kageyama nodded. His face became a little sullen, but he changed it soon enough to say that he had felt sorry for their middle school quarreling:

“You once told me to not say sorry to you about that... **NOTE 4** and I haven’t until today. But now I want to ask your forgiveness for those days. Those days when I was too preoccupied with winning to understand no one wins alone. I am sorry. I never tried to match you, and I should have done it instead.” **NOTE 5**

Kindaichi felt his chest squeeze.

“This... this you’re saying... I think it’s what I wanted to hear since then. But it was also my fault. Feeling inferior to you, I never dared to voice my necessity to you. I just stopped to follow you. And that was not the right thing to do. Not in that way. Not without warning. I am also sorry for how it went in Kitagawa.”

Kageyama presented Kindaichi his right hand, and the other, almost scared to give in at the gesture, tried to extend his own right hand out.

“Wanna put that past behind for good, Yuutaro?”

At the sound of his name in Kageyama’s voice, Kindaichi tried his whole best to not allow tears streaming down, shaking that hand while smiling, instead.

“You had stopped calling me by name by the second year of middle school...”

“Just as you and Kunimi started to do with me, yeah...”

“Right... we’ve been all immature, grumpy and blind kids haven’t we?”

“But times goes on, and sometimes mistakes get amended on the way. Are we okay?”

“We are. And next game...”

“Next game we’ll win again. Sorry, you stand no chances guys...”

“We’ll see, we’ll see about that, Tobio...”

After a moment, feeling the importance of their exchange, Kageyama remembered why he had come to Kindaichi in the first place, asking his former teammate if he could wait before bringing the game stats to their coach, and stay a little while more by the benches, maybe waiting for real for Kunimi to join too.  
Kindaichi said he could, and asked what was that Kageyama needed him for.

“I need you and Akira to have something... something I’d like you to hand to Tsukishima next time you might see him. You’ll get the chance... won’t you?”

“Mmh... yeah. He comes sometimes at practices. Bokuto San is looking out to have him witnessing our team quite often, and he uses to comply along Akaashi San and Kuroo San. And he’s Akira’s buddy so...”

“He is what?”

“They are quite similar don’t you think? They hit it right off since first Shiratorizawa training camp actually...”

“Thinking about it... yeah, they are quite similar in some ways.”

“Yeah... but Akira wants to beat you off way, way more than Tsukishima has ever wanted to. Or way more than I ever did actually.”

“Is that so?”

“You mean about Tsukishima or myself?”

Kageyama looked out. He hadn’t ever supposed that Tsukishima would look out to beat him. Though he had never been one to take care of such challenges, unless they had come from Oikawa. Or Hinata.

“Actually I don’t know if Tsukishima has ever expressed any wish to beat you. That was just an assumption of mine, because he always reacted pissed off at your name, when I got chances to catch him in high school. But maybe... that was just a misunderstanding on my part. As for me... I really wanted to beat you up, but even more... I wanted to be acknowledged. Maybe in the end I actually really wanted not to play against, but rather WITH you. Somehow now that it’s not possible anymore... I found my peace. Akira instead... he really, really looks up to hand you a painful beat up. He can be very...”

“Resilient. I know. That’s what makes him a very good player, actually.”

“Yes. Anyway... I’ll wait. Bring me what you want us to give Tsukishima. We’ll see him soon for sure.”

“Thanx. Wait a moment then... I’ll be quick.”

And saying that, Kageyama flew aside Miya, who was waiting intently looking at the scene before him.

“Atsumu San...”

“San?”

“Sorry Atsumu... do you have a pen and a paper?”

“Sure...”

“And you have your phone near with the earbuds don’t you?”

“Sure... but...”

“Please, hand them to me for a moment...”

“Okay...?”

Kageyama began to scroll in Atsumu’s phone music folder to find something he seemed perfectly aware was in the list. His long, elegant fingers moving swiftly over the flat screen, and the other hand keeping a pen while blocking with the palm a scratch of paper on the table Miya had been standing near.

“Can I ask you what are you searching for, Tobio?”

“I have to write down a couple of lyrics... from a song you were listening to just the other day...”

“And... may I ask you why?”

“I have to write it down for Tsukishima.”

Atsumu tensed. That name wasn’t a name he was generally happy to hear from Tobio’s mouth. A sense of negative nervousness began to fill the older setter up. To shake it away, he tried to know more about the reason behind Kageyama’s eagerness at the moment.

“And... which song is that?”

“I am not good with titles you know... But last year we used to play a couple of this band’s songs at the Cultural Festival. Twenty One Pilots, that’s their name, and you like them a lot too it seems. I’m trying to find one of their songs, which I heard you listen to recently...”

“I do like TOP very much indeed. From which album?”

“From the one of last year, I think it’s called Trench...”

“You... played drums on some of Trench’s songs, Tobio? That makes you way more than “not any good at drumming”, as you tried to convince me the other day...” **NOTE C**

But Kageyama wasn’t listening to Miya, and that made the bleached blonde even more irritated.

“That’s it. Levitate. That’s the song...”

Frantically writing down pieces of the lyrics on the paper scratch while listening to them through Atsumu’s earbud, Kageyama jumped out of Miya’s reach as soon as he had finished his tracking and with the note in his hand he ran back by Kindaichi’s side.  
Miya observed the quick landing of the paper from one’s hands to the other’s with bitter eyes.  
He didn’t like it.  
He didn’t like Tobio’s urgency in writing down so many words which had evidently a lot of meaning for him; a lot of meaning for him _and that other guy_.  
Without noticing, he put his index finger in his mouth, picking on its nail with his teeth.

“Don’t you know biting nails is poison for setters?”

Sakusa had come near to him. As silently as always, the spiker would materialize anywhere, like he could appear from dust and oxygen, as wizards would.  
Miya’s glare became even more choleric, still directed at the scene ahead with Kageyama and Kindaichi who had also been joined by Bokuto and Kunimi.

“You made this, didn’t you, Kyoomi?”

Completely unfazed, Sakusa replied with slow manner:

“What are you hinting at, plague...”

“Always so rude... I mean... _you_ have suggested to organize these Kansai matches, right?”

“Who knows...”

The irritation of Miya was growing wider and wider; the scene before his eyes was making his blood boiling. For how much he wanted to resist, to not make Sakusa aware there had been so much displeasing him that day, he just couldn’t resist the gravity of his bad vibes:

“I want to know, for one... so answer me and stop circling around. It’s not what anyone of your beloveds samurai would like to do, right?” **NOTE D**

“Like you could know. Anyway... I might have suggested a couple of teams to play with. Sure. I may have.”

“I am totally confident you wanted this...”

And to make it clear what he was meaning by “this”, Miya indicated on the one side of the gym where Dodai team was committing to their coach sermon, with Hinata relegated in the third row around him; then with a glance he moved to enlighten Tobio, still surrounded by Kandai people, looking a bit sour, although most of his negative aura had actually vanished past the game:

“What an ungrateful soul you are. I bring you back in your hometown, and this is your way to thank me? So in character with you, Atsumu.”

“You didn’t do it for my sake. You did it because you knew Hinata was not to play. You knew it I can bet on this...”

“Your suppositions have no value...”

“It’s not a supposition. I know you enough and I also can track your scheming mind enough to know. I just can tell it all when it’s about your tricks... You are the guy who used to collect an insane amount of informations on your opponents _even in elementary school_ for fuck’s sake. There’s no way this all hasn’t been planned by that evil mind of yours all way through.” **NOTE 6**

“What I do is nothing of your business.”

“It is. This is. You’ve made Tobio feel quite bad today. And what makes him feel unwell: that’s my business, you can betcha.”

“Oh. Always getting too much ahead of yourself Atsumu. What do you want to tell me, that you think to bring him here and witness reality has hurt Tobio? You think too little of him. He’s not breaking over such a stupid thing like the fact Hinata is too short to play at these levels anymore.”

Atsumu, trying to stop his rage from overflowing, knuckled his palms strict. The complete impossibility of making Sakusa worked up over any of what was making him so angry was turning him, in fact, unbearably vexed.

“You... you...”

“A stuttering Miya Atsumu... what an event. Did your tongue got eaten by your wrong placed confidence? Won’t you admit you felt way too much involved in Tobio and I’s conversations before? I know you’ve looked at us earlier. I detected you, and I did it easily.”

“Shut up. You have no clues... You don’t know anything about us...”

“You say... You mean I have no idea how you two fuck now?”

Miya Atsumu felt his blood collapse. And in all that, Sakusa was still completely casual and nonchalant, like what he had just said could be a tiny detail no one could seriously think about ever again.

“Wh...at?”

“Oh, poor Atsumu. You really think I didn’t catch up on all of the evidences you spread so carelessly around?”

“What... no... well...”

“Ahahah ha. Amazing. You are speechless. If I knew I would have caused this by telling you I caught your tails, I would have done it sooner. It suits your pea brain to stay mute in front of me...”

What was worse than Sakusa offhand attitude about him, had always been his smug aura of superiority towards him instead. Miya had never ever accepted the way Sakusa had decided to consider his whole existence unremarkable at best.

“How you dare... you demon freak...”

“Shhhh... don’t scream... don’t let Tobio hear right? Hasn’t he suffered enough today?”

“You maleficent weirdo...”

“You are so powerless. I like it. And by the way, it was clear to me something had happened between you two immediately after you got to play so much better together. This to fulfill your curiosity on how I gotten you.”

“What...?”

“See, you think you are good at observing Tobio. I am sure you think you are. But you are just an observer. I _feel him_ instead. Our connection is way deeper. And no matter how many times you will fuck around with him, you’ll never reach the kind of mutual and deep understanding we two share despite having no physical contact. You may think you’ve won him over because you got his body. But the truth is that you’ll always be miles behind me, who can see his soul.”

“Shut up...”

“I will. I said all I had to. And you know I am right. Somewhere deep in you, deep enough for you to silence it, but not completely, you have the certainty that I told the pure truth and the fact this will consume you and your baseless confidence you are somehow nearer to Tobio than I am will be a pleasure for me. See ya around, Atsumu.”

“Don’t dare to shrug me off like this!” Said Atsumu, grabbing the arm of Sakusa and forcing him to face back; Miya hadn’t done the jerking to merely irritate the touch-aware ace spiker, although that side effect would please him as it came into his vision. Atsumu had followed an impulse he couldn’t tame, and as his face got reddened by anger, he murmured vitriolic and hard all Sakusa was born to be was a proper villain.

Sakusa jerked his arm out of Miya’s grab and then made his mouth and face fully visible and clear.  
He had the smuggest smirk and the darkest eyes Atsumu had ever seen in his life, and his whole body, although very still, was emanating waves of danger.

But Atsumu had no time to feel fear.  
Atsumu was way too worked up to perceive any other concept than rage at that moment.

“A villain? Me? This is pretty lame, you egocentric nullified brat. Let me explain a tiny truth to your brain which gets always overdriving on the most useless things. Although it’s typical for egos like yours to think all the world revolves about your own selves, reality is completely on the opposite spectrum. What bonds humans together, what cements societies, ain’t all but _indifference_. Only people as clueless as your kind can feel protagonists of anything in such a void world. Anyone is just very indifferent and untouched by the wide majority of the rest of the world. Not much, better, often nothing at all of what anyone does has meaning for others. We stand up on conventional politeness and smart avoidance to keep running our own lives the way we like or at the best of it. None really cares besides ourselves about ourselves and this ONLY if we are talking about smart people, as way too many humans do not even care about themselves enough to acknowledge their only own treasure. Their own selves. And just because indifference is dominating lives, when a miracle happens and the rarest occurrence manifests, in which two souls _truly_ find a common path and a real connection, there’s no way anything else matters.”

“That’s exactly what Tobio and I...”

“Oh, please... don’t even try. Don’t say that blasphemous thought of yours out loud. You, I told you so many times, are not getting what Tobio is at all. You don’t like him. You cannot even see the real him, let alone like what he truly is. Yours is an egocentric’s game, where you want to possess someone you can’t ever understand first. Just like today, panicking over a Tobio who’s not existing. The Tobio you want to “protect” doesn’t exist. He is the strongest person I’ve ever seen. He is far from weak or shockable and he definitely doesn’t need protection. He needs, better... he looks out for _TRUTHS_ while all you can present him with are excuses. Excuses to maintain you house of glass intact. You think I am a villain? To you? Villains don’t exist, in real life no one cares at all about others to be fixated to them enough to waste energies in being villains to them. It may happen actions from someone following their own roads clash with other people’s intentions. But it’s a casualty, in a world of selfish walks. It’s not intentional, because intentions would imply a sort of care about others which is as rare as true love.”

“Mine... is...”

“Again? Nope. You love yourself and your own high concept about your existence through the lie you tell that you love Tobio. If you’d love him, you would never ever try to adjust him to your own concept of him, I told you.”

“You’re so twisted...”

“Am I? I think I am pretty linear instead. And just like the Tobio who’s real, and whom you don’t have any idea about beside a vague impression overwritten by your wrong concept of him, I follow that secure line unaffected if I am alone on it. And since I am like this, I am the only one who can understand and feel him, who’s exactly like me in the end, even though he’s completely different from me in 99,99% of his other ways about life. But see? The difference between me and you is that I cherish that 99,99% of him just as much as the only 0,01% of him who’s mirroring myself. Even more. Unlike you, who don’t respect nor accept anything of him which doesn’t get framed in your false image of his you’re willing to cage and freeze.”

“I liked you more when you were mostly mute and pessimistic about anything, you freak. Like Motoya kun used to call you back then, “the most pessimistic weirdo ever”... that was better than this version of you, so pontificating, so verbally offensive yet as cold as ever. You say I don’t get Tobio?” **NOTE 7**

“You surely don’t. It’s not an opinion of mine. It’s the truth.”

“Who knows. Do you? I wouldn’t trust your involved point of view not even if it could save my life on a brink. But even if that’d be real... I still have a thing to revolve around and which is good enough to conquer Tobio with, whoever and however he is, and even if what you say, that I have not him by my side yet, would ring true.”

“And that’d be?”

“Passion. You don’t know how much he has. You may guess, but having you none, you can’t get that of him. No books can teach you passion. Passion is a flame in your heart and soul you either have or you have not. And I am sure Tobio looks out for the same passion in others he holds within himself. And if you’re ready to say that’s volleyball for him, then no. I can’t accept that’s all to it for him. I can’t because that’s not what his body, his eyes, his voice tell me when he comes undone. That passion is _not only volleyball_ and won’t ever be. And until I won’t give a name to the rest of it, I won’t be satiated of him. No matter what you think of it. Because if for you this is being egocentric and stupid and useless... I don’t care. For me instead this is my way to love him and chase after his love, which I am completely confident does exist and is ready to burn as bright as mine.”

Sakusa looked at Atsumu’s eyes intently. Miya shuddered.

“Get ready for a load of sufferance Atsumu. Because you’ll learn how wrong you are the hardest way.”

“Then so be it. He’s worthy that load. This is what my heart tells me.”

Sakusa put his mask back, and began to shelter away from Miya.  
No other words, no explanations, no last witty comment back to gain the final score against him.

 _What your heart tells you... Let’s see Atsumu how lost in translation you and your heart are gonna get. New York’s about to open up a whole new perspective to your “love”, be assured..._

And looking up at the sky of Kyoto after coming off the gym, with bold colors and nuances of fire, Sakusa smiled to himself, leaving Atsumu looking at him from behind, unaware of what he was about to face in the city that never sleeps.

At the definitive disappearance of Sakusa, Miya sighed and turned head back at the Kaisers bench, wondering how long Tobio would remain by that crew. Time seemed elapsed.  
Time seemed ill-disposed towards him that day.

“Luckily tomorrow I’ll get to see Samu. I need a little talk with him like I might depend on it...”

Left with his cellphone in hand, as Kageyama had flown to Kindaichi leaving it into his hand, Atsumu checked his messages.  
His twin brother had sent a confirmation that he would have come visiting them the day after. But a note in his message made Atsumu even more bilious.

 _Oikawa Tooru will come too. We got a special Seminar only for us by Kageyama Dono. Hope you don’t mind_ **NOTE E**

Miya Atsumu couldn’t avoid a peevish noise escaping his lips.  
Even Oikawa. Damn.  
Could that training camp get any worse for him?  
He decided to move away from the gym, without waiting for Kageyama to come back from his acquaintances.  
Hinata and the old Karasuno people were about to join the crowd and he had not intentions to witness more of the benevolent looks Tobio would give those guys.  
Tobio was his.  
But he couldn’t say it loud to no one, unfortunately.  
Meanwhile, in a cafeteria at Kandai University, Akaashi Keiji, his girlfriend, and Tsukishima Kei were discussing about incoming exams.  
The atmosphere was relaxed and quiet, and it was uncomplicated to guess how the three were at ease with one another.  
Suddenly though, Tsukishima’s face became a little alerted, like something had unexpectedly hit him hard.

“What’s up Kei? Your face seems... strange?”

“It’s nothing, Keiji San. It’s... this song...”

The cafeteria had music playing unstoppably for the customers to enjoy.

“This which plays now? I don’t know it...”

“It’s a song from last year, better, this is a remix of it... Somehow... anytime I hear it it makes me think. But don’t mind me... what were we talking about?”

“We were telling you about your incoming tests. Haruka Chan here has had your same professor in her first year... I think since you’ve switched courses and you missed a part of his classes, that she can help you a bit with the subject...”

The three guys began to exchange sheets and notes, and Tsukishima’s face became trouble-free again; in the cafeteria, the melody of the song which had changed his mood for a while was keeping play, a soothing voice mixed with a rapping one, on a delicate yet melancholic litany:

Even though the world was meant for you  
I hope you don't get famous  
'Cause everyone will love you  
But won't love you like I do, oh nah  
Hope you don't get famous  
(hope you don't get famous)  
Stay home with me  
Stay home with me  
I'll always love ya, I'll always  
Hope you don't get  
Hope you don't get famous

I hope no one discovers you  
Hope no one sees ya  
I hope no one falls in love with you  
I've got my reasons  
'Cause if they knew what I know  
Then I know I wouldn't stand a chance  
There's no way you would go  
For a man like me if you had options...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTE FOR THE CHAPTER SETUP:** All the locations, the train schedules and times among Tokyo/Kyoto/Osaka and all the placements of monuments, stations and Universities are carefully studied and mirroring reality.
> 
>  **DOSHISHA UNIVERSITY (Dodai)** is one of the top institutions in Kansai, and Japan altogether. Please visit its site to learn more about it.
> 
>  **KANSAI UNIVERSITY (Kandai)** is another top cultural institutions in Japan, and one of Osaka's top visited sites. It shares a full on rivalry with Doshisha both in sports and Academic results.
> 
>  **NOTE 1-7** : All occurrences from real canon, being in manga or anime. The little references to Sakusa's personality enlighted by notes are all coming from real facts in the manga in chapters 210/219.
> 
>  **NOTE A-E** : References to happenings either in Okurimono or the other chapters of a Genius' Journey. In particular, look out for the role of Kageyama's uncle for both Osamu and Oikawa. ("Kageyama Dono")
> 
>  **Overhead Receive in Volleyball** as a technique is a way of receive a serve or a ball which is not particularly powerful. In fact, is it technically possible to perform it as long as the ball to be received is above the shoulders and head (and that, in fact, generally happens with mild powered serves). As in canon both Kageyama and Miya have showed an extreme quickness and elasticity in adjusting from "limbo-like" positions to setting, and are both extremely good receivers, I have decided to create a sort of "special move" for Itachiyama team, basing myself on their already enlightened skills in the original manga. In fact, for whoever watches real volley often (just in these weeks, during FIVB World Cup), it happens more and more that serves not even that mild powered are received with overhead passing (for instance, in the Italian team, Osmany Juantorena does it quite often), so I just wanted to put it in my fiction since a while (I have spent a lot of September watching live the matches here in Italy, and that's why this update comes this late, sorry ;)).
> 
>  **Levitate** is a song from Twenty One Pilots just published new album, **Trench**. You know I am extremely detailed with music in my fictions, and music constitutes a mattering detail for my stories. Please check out the song and its lyrics and... try to guess why Kageyama has chosen to use it as a message for Tsukishima ^.^
> 
>  **Famous (Remix)** is a song by French Montana, and in its remix it is also performed with Adam Levine of Maroon 5. This late Summer this song stuck in my head and as soon as I heard it, I got the end of this chapter done. It is _very_ meaningful especially in the part highlighted in the chapter. Put it all on your radar to understand the rest of the Tsukki  & Kags's developments.
> 
> As for the **timesets in my fanfictions** , please refer to the starting notes of the whole of a Genius Journey series :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please, refer to the main notes of the series to understand how my series works.
> 
> As usual, I note here how English isn't my language and here I am to ask for your help and notes wherever I may need them.  
> I am very open at corrections in fact :)  
> Thank you and enjoy my stories :)


End file.
